Total Eclipse of the Heart

Not really, but I couldn't resist writing the lyrics to the song!  Last night, we randomly woke up around 2 am (thought about setting an alarm but never got a round to it) and so since we were (sort of) up, we decided to go outside and check out the lunar eclipse.  I think it was the first one there has been in like 172 years or something crazy and even longer since it has coincided with the winter solstice.  The moon was beautiful last night as we were driving home, and I was hoping it would still be large and clear skies when we went out at 2 am.  It was a little more cloudy and it had risen to the top of the sky so it was a bit harder to see but still very cool.  It had a reddish tint, and we tried to get pictures but it was just too hard with the cameras we had.  We got to look at it a little more up close though through the binoculars we found.  Pretty cool!  I enjoyed it even more because it was something fun that hubby and I got to share just the two of us while our son was sleeping inside.  :)  I'm a little sleepy this morning because of it but it was definitely worth it!

Woohoo - Go Mustangs!

For the 2nd year in a row, my S-M-U Mustangs are headed to a bowl game!  And this year, they were chosen for the Armed Forces Bowl which is normally played at the T-C-U stadium.  In a random coincidence though, T-C-U has decided to do construction on their stadium this winter, and the game was rescheduled to be played in the S-M-U stadium before the teams were even picked.  So they get to play AT HOME for their bowl game which is pretty cool! 

It's on the 30th at 11 in the morning though which is kind of random, so hubby will still be working.  I was thinking of buying some $10 general admission seats for the endzone grass section for my son and me if the weather was good, but I found out today that one of the girls I know from S-M-U and my dance class I used to take at the local community college nearby got tickets from her dad for Christmas and offered 2 of them to me!  So not only are we going to get go now but we have good seats AND a special parking pass!  I'm so excited to take my buddy to the bowl game!!!!  :)  I just ordered us some gear to wear (sadly I don't have any t-shirts from there other than old shirts from my sorority that I sleep in) and we will be all set for next week! 

The last couple of days have been great on the gift giving and fun parts of Christmas.  I was also surprised on Friday afternoon by a really nice card and $100 Visa gift card from one of my managers and one of my partners that I work for!  They told me how much they appreciated all my hard work this year and know that it has been tough but that they couldn't do it without me.  Felt really good!  :)

Let's hope this holiday giving keeps on going - definitely lightened my mood since I was otherwise stressed about the $$ situation going into these holidays, but I am so blessed to have such great friends and family to make this another great Christmas! 

Baby Steps

Today I made my first step.  I had a friend send my resume to her friend who is a headhunter.  And the friend wrote back that she would love to look around for me because I looked great!  So....we shall see what happens!  ;)  I am going to be super picky when looking, but I realized that if I don't at least SEE what other options there might be, I will never know and the good thing about my position right now is that it is fine and safe and I can always say no to anything else if it isn't what I want!  Here's to 2011!

Whirlwind

So much for blogging more regularly!  ;)  The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of go-go-go!  I have been too busy to post and I still need to learn how to better use this thing through e-mailing in posts or posting photos and things.  Rumor has it that we are going to be allowed to switch to iPhones in the new year at work, and I can't wait so I can get them to purchase one for me.  I think that will make my blogging much better! 

Let's see - after the fun but busy Thanksgiving weekend, we spent the first weekend of December at hubby's holiday party on Saturday and then at the White Rock Marathon on Sunday.  Hubby ran his 2nd half marathon, and I'm so proud of him because he is has type 1 diabetes so this is a huge accomplishment for him.  He is still training so that he can run his 3rd one at the Cowtown Marathon in February (where he ran his first one earlier this year) and try to beat his time this time! 

Last weekend was EVEN MORE BUSY!!!  On Friday, we had our bi-annual volunteer day at work and this year, I led a group at the Ronald McDonald House in Fort Worth.  We had a great time cooking them breakfast and even though we made WAY too much food (they told us to cook for 75 and only about 12 showed!), we had a lot of fun and it was so nice to get out in the community and give back.  Then I ran around that afternoon dropping off the dog at the pet hotel (ps if anyone around DFW knows of better options for dog sitting, I'd love to know - we love the pet hotel but it's way expensive!!!), picking up a few Christmas presents, and packing for our trip the next day. Then hubby got home and we got all dressed up for my company's holiday party which was a black-tie optional Black & White Ball so I curled my hair and did my makeup all fancy and hubby put on his black suit and off we went.  We had a great time at a beautiful venue - great food, lots of fun, date night, etc. but we had to leave early to get our son so we could all get some rest before the next morning.

The next morning we LEFT the house just before 7 am (ouch!) to drive down to Sealy to see hubby's cousin get married.  We had a good road trip, dressed in the bathroom of the church (ha!), and enjoyed the ceremony. Then we drove an hour into Spring where the rest of the evening's festivities were held.  We had a good time but we were exhausted and went to bed early!!!  Then the next morning, we had breakfast at hubby's aunt's house and then headed back home to pick up the dog, go grocery shopping, and I worked on our holiday cards that evening.  Busy busy busy!  

Needless to say, yesterday was a definite Monday and I feel like there is too much to do and not enough time before the holidays, but I also know that somehow it will all get done.  I think I'm going to attempt to cook for the in-laws and us for Christmas Eve so trying to figure out a menu and hope that the house will all come together before next week!  Then I will get some time off after Christmas and New Year's, go back to work for one day, and then be out for two weeks for my surgery.  It's going to be a crazy month or so still but we will make it and things WILL get better in 2011 - I just know it!  :)  

Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season and I really do hope to post more soon!

The Good and the Bad

Things that are good (great!) right now:
1) Spent a wonderful 5 days off this weekend enjoying the holidays with my son and hubby and some of hubby's family - included getting our Christmas tree, reading, getting stuff done around the house, cooking, and the Parade of Lights which was super fun
2) Trying hard to enjoy the holiday season even though it's hectic this time of year and we have at least one thing (sometimes both days) every weekend from now until the new year, but my husband is like Clark Griswald and his enthusiasm is infectious
3) Picked out super cute glasses yesterday after finally going to my overdue eye appointment and they should be in soon
4) Had a good conversation with my parents/mom a few weekends ago and am working to repair that relationship again - really hoping it sticks this time so this nonsense can stop - so far so good

Things that are not so good:
1) Went to my gyn today to do another check-up on my endometriosis/ovarian cysts and found out the left one is continuing to get bigger and I am likely going to have to have surgery AGAIN to remove the cyst (and possibly part of the ovary depending on damage) - I am none to pleased on this one because I just had surgery in December of last year and that one was fairly easy - this one will require an overnight hospital stay plus 2 weeks of recovery :(  and I am dreading the possibility of this happening every year from now until I get a hysterectomy....grrrrrrrr.  Of course calendar-wise, there isn't much good timing left either before I get busy with work again so may need to do it the week after Christmas or at the latest the first week of January or will have to wait until March which then interferes with son's birthday and potential family vacation to Hilton Head
2) Still very frustrated with job situation.  Right now I feel a bit better because I'm not traveling and not so crazy busy that I can't think, but I want more out of life than this and not sure how to fix it without losing the awesome benefits that we have here.  This is one I will continue to work on in 2011 I think! 
3) Due to #2 and their lovely idea of a "promotion" we are more short on $$ than I would like to be with housing taxes needing to be paid in January and Christmas presents to be bought.  We are trying to be frugal this year and keep our credit card debt as minimal as possible, but it sucks.  Can't wait until I get my bonus in April and can pay things down and hopefully get a raise and then in the fall of next year when we will get money back from not having to pay for preschool/daycare any more. 
4) Feel like a bad mother some days because 1) son was picked on by bullies last week and had a black eye for Thanksgiving weekend because some stupid kid pushed him into a pole and he hit his cheek bone and 2) back to #3, we are likely going to have to put son in public elementary school at least (not opposed to public school but our district is not as good as I want it to be and especially won't send him for middle/high school there) to save some money for a bit.  Hoping he will get into the charter school (lottery on 12/18 - fingers crossed), but if not it's only a few years right?  :) 

I am trying hard to focus on the goods and not the bads because that stuff can get me down.  We are very blessed compared to so many other families this year and if it means we have to sacrifice a bit now for a bigger payoff later, then so be it!  I am just ready for some good things to start happening with work and the economy!  Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and hope to write more now that I have a bit more time at work.  :)

I survived

So I survived my crazy weekend at work, and if I can get through the next two days, I will get to enjoy the weekend to myself!  Having worked the Sunday before, a full week last week, the weekend, and now another full week, let me tell you that I have no idea how people who have two jobs or have to work 7 days a week do it!  I'm on day #12 and each morning becomes harder to get of bed.  Between my sleepiness and the chilliness outside, I just want to snuggle in bed all day!  But I get up and go about my day and survive ;) 

I have been thinking a lot on my drives about where I want to go from here.  I thought that 2010 was going to be "my year" after the health issues and such we had last year.  And while we are blessed to be healthier this year and have had many other blessings, we have also had a very tough year in terms of work and friends.  I am ready for things to get better in both areas, and I try not to let the craziness of the holidays and the $$$ drain it has on us to get me down.  I'm trying to figure out ways to make this year super special but without going overboard on our finances!  The good news is that if nothing else, by next fall, we should be saving a lot more money when our son goes to real Kindergarten.  We may have to do an after-school type program and obviously pay in the summers, but it will not be the constant drain on the bank account every month that it is right now.  And hopefully, in 2011, I can either get a new job (!) or at least get paid better as our reviews and raises take affect April 1st. 

Now I just need to decide whether or not I wait around and see what happens here or explore my options elsewhere....TBD at another time!  Gotta run but looking forward to a weekend of relaxing followed by 2 days of work and then taking off the day before Thanksgiving.  I can't wait until next week:

Wednesday - off from work and cooking at home with my son (so fun!), free tickets to the Usher concert in a suite that night with hubby (yay!)

Thursday - T-day and who doesn't love that?!

Friday - get the Christmas tree (love!) and then tickets to the Parade of Lights which I have been wanting to go to for years (can't wait!)

Pencil Parable

I got this in an e-mail forward today and it really hit home for me right now, so I wanted to share!  :)

A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX :


1.) EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK.

2.) YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.

3.) WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

4.) IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS, WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.

5.) TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you and then allow yourself to be guided by the hand of God.

Everything happens for a reason

That's what I keep telling myself and I'm going to keep telling myself that until the reason becomes more clear.  :) 

We had a great weekend - did a lot of housework (boo!) but at least I have nice clean, fluffy carpets again.  I can't wait until we can get a little extra $$ saved up and replace our carpets with hardwood floors (or at least fake hardwood!).  Having a cat and a dog and a child makes for messy carpets no matter what we do! 

We also got to take our son to see the Dallas Mavericks play!  He had a blast cheering for the team and watching basketball.  We got cheap tickets on StubHub and it was so great to see the smile on his face.  He even did a little dance whenever the fun music came on!  Love it!  :)

This week is my hell week at work trying to prepare for the weekend ahead.  I am bringing 30 people into Dallas/Houston from around the country for a weekend of wining and dining.  It can be fun but it's a lot of stress and lots of sleepless nights, but it will all be over soon (at least for this year).  Wish me luck in surviving! 

Gotta get back to work now...looking forward to seeing what life has in store for me soon!

Today

Today started out bad.  It took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning and it was slow and rainy and cold (boo!).  Someone also tried to kill me by braking to turn at the last minute and thank God I have a newish car with good brakes and traction control!  I finally made it in, and as I am walking into the office, I was checking e-mails on my blackberry and come across one saying they are taking away our corporate purchasing cards.  So that means all of the money I spend on events and catering and all kinds of other things will now be floated on my own personal credit card.  Shoot me!  That's a whole lot of money to be floating for my company (average bill is anywhere from $5000 to $15000 per month!).  I guess I will try to look at the bright side of getting lots of points!  ;)

Then I got an e-mail last night on my drive home from the manager for that position I was interviewing for.  She asked if I had time for a call today.  I pretty much realized then that meant I wasn't getting the job, so I had prepared myself.  I just had the call about 30 minutes ago and sure enough, they chose someone else.  What a day!!!  One of my friends in marketing said that she thinks they will be hiring a regional alumni person soon so maybe I can apply for that.  I hope so because I need something to change soon. 

I promised to not be as negative, but I really feel like I deserve to be treated more fairly.  I am a hard worker and give my all, I have book and street smarts, and I have natural leadership abilities.  And yet somehow, it isn't recognized or rewarded...  :(  So if anyone knows of an awesome company out there who is looking for a great worker in the event planning or recruiting or HR fields, let me know.  :)

I'm in a good place

Tonight I went to see my counselor (I try to go once or twice a month).  I started going to talk about the situation with my mom/parents, but lately we mostly talk about work with the exception of the few times after the Alaska debacle where we focused on my mom again!  ;)  Anyways, I was talking to her tonight and I realized that I'm in a really good place.  Monday was rough, but Tuesday through Thursday was pretty good. 

Tuesday evening, I got to meet the phenomenal Goldilocks for some after-work wine and sushi.  We had the best time!  This was the first time I had ever met in person someone whose blog I read (with the exception of people I actually know who also blog), and it was so cool.  She is just as I imagined her when reading her blog - fun, smart, and she has a wonderful attitude on life.  She wrote about this as well, but we talked and talked and talked like we had known each other forever, and then I looked down and realized it was 8 pm and I needed to get home to my boys.  We definitely have to do it again soon, and she has inspired me to try to be more positive in my posting (although I will still need to occasionally vent!).  ;) 

This week wasn't particularly better in any other specific way, but I just feel like myself again.  I feel more rested, I feel more confident at work because I'm kicking some serious butt if I do say so myself, I get to see my hubby and son every evening instead of traveling like a crazy woman, and life is feeling better.  Now, I am hoping to get back into exercising soon because I know that will improve my mood and self-esteem more.  I just ordered some Zumba DVDs after Girl From Florida inspired me.  Maybe in the new year, I can take some in person classes too (I think the local community college may have some so maybe I can convince some people from work or friends to join me). 

Until then, I'm just hoping that this good place will stick around for awhile!  ;)  I'm loving that "Dog Days Are Over" song by Florence and the Machine, so maybe that's what has made me feel better too.  Gotta run for now, but wanted to post!  Hopefully something more exciting again soon (need to be better about posting photos - need to figure out how!).

If Ever Hear that Sound Again It Will Be Too Soon

This week has been an interesting one for me.  In many ways, it has been a great one - I finished my last trip of the season (thank God!), I have been kicking @$$ at work even though I'm totally overwhelmed nearly 99% of the time, and I think my interview went well on Wednesday (should hear something next week about the next round). 

However, it's also been one of the weirdest weeks for me as well.  There have been multiple times this week that I have tried to sit down and write this post, but it was too difficult to process and write so I have stopped.  But I am ready now to talk about it and what better place than here. 

Last Saturday morning at 2:30 am, I was awakened to the click sound my cell phone makes when I receive a text.  I'm usually a pretty good sleeper, but I've always had this thing about my phone and any noises it makes wake me automatically in a panic that something is wrong.  I have good reason for this because I'm luckily past the stage in my life that my phone rings in the middle of the night because some drunk friend is needing a ride or decides she/he wants to talk even though it's 2:30 am.  So when my phone rings or I get a message in the middle of the night, it usually is because something is wrong, and that night was no exception.

In my half-awake state, I begrudgingly grabbed my phone which had slipped from my nightstand (silly cat!) and was hanging by the charging cord off the edge.  I looked at it and sure enough there was a text message, but it was from my high school friend, Phil.  I have known Phil since middle school when he started attending the private school I had attended my whole life and he and another guy and my best girlfriend were basically best friends throughout high school.  Sure we went through ups and downs and Phil even had a crush on me at one point which was very difficult to deal with because I wasn't interested but I still wanted to be friends, but we all managed through.  We had been through Phil's diagnosis of bipolar disorder in high school, the borderline emotional/mental abuse I suffered from my mother during high school, the death of our other friend's mom and the new stepmother, and much more.  Even in college, we were still close, seeing each other whenever we could on breaks and visiting when we could - no matter how long we are away from each other, things seem like we never left.  We grow older and yet things are the same.  The guys were both in my wedding and helped me deal with the shock of having my best friend completely destroy our friendship for a multi-year period (luckily we are back in touch although things will never be quite the same) and our friendship could overcome pretty much everything no matter the distance.

That was until Phil was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was pregant with my son.  At first Ryan and Phil didn't want to tell me because I was 8 months pregnant and they didn't want to upset me.  But then they decided that I deserved to know and over several calls and lots of tears, I came to realize that one of my friends was dying from brain cancer.  The prognosis wasn't good, but there were varying timelines of how long.  And things changed.  Phil started to deteriorate physically and mentally - sometimes were better than others.  He would send me weird messages or call me and tell me strange things.  One minute he would be happy and wanting to chat, and another he would call and be pissed off at me for some "memory" he thought he had in which I had done him wrong.  It was so difficult, and I was afraid to see him by myself.  I still am. 

About 2 years ago now, we were home for Thanksgiving, and I agreed to go see him so he could meet my son and since my husband was with me and could help us if anything weird happened.  We met him at Denny's or IHOP or something like that, and we talked for a few hours.  I had a hard time looking at him because the steroids and medicines and things had made him look very differnt and when I looked down and just heard his voice, he was still the same Phil.  Luckily, he was having a good day that day and was very nice to all of us and even got my son an early Christmas present.  That's the last time I saw him though because even though I was in Boston where he was earlier this year, I couldn't go see him because I was there for work and couldn't bring myself to see him alone.  So I didn't and we rarely talk, and I know it's wrong but I don't know what else to do.

So when I saw a text from him at 2:30 am last Saturday, I wasn't sure what it would be.  It could be some random funny memory or something really mean.  It could have been anything....what it was though was a text telling me that he was tired and he couldn't do it any more and that he loved us (he sent it to others as well) and that it was better this way, especially for him.  I knew what it meant, and I had no idea what to do.  He had recently moved back to Florida, but I didn't have his new address.  I thought about texting him "Please don't.  Where's your brother?" because I thought he lived with his brother (apparently they live nearby but not together), but I didn't.  I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling and wondering what to do.  I could have called the police but I had no idea where he lived or how to get them to him.  I could have called him back, but I had no idea what I would say.  I could have called our other friend, Ryan, but I didn't - I just lay there in bed and did nothing.  It was stupid.  But part of me thought about how I would feel if I was in his shoes, and while I don't believe in suicide, I also can't say how I would feel if I was living that life.  I also didn't know if it was already too late.  I just did nothing and it felt terrible and yet okay at the same time. 

Eventually, I fell back to sleep and the next morning I started calling our friend, Ryan, multiple times trying to see if he knew what was going on.  Luckily, he called me back and told me that Phil did try to commit suicide but luckily it was with pills and alcohol and that Ryan was up late from insomnia and got the text and called the police in the town that Phil is living in. He had his new address (had asked him the week or so before by the grace of God), and also had his brother's phone number and got him over there as well.  They had gotten him to the hospital in time, pumped his stomach, and were waiting to see what was going to happen next. 

I don't have any other updates and it weighs on my mind each day, but I already did nothing so I guess I can just continue that.  I'm not normally a person who does nothing, but sometimes that's all that you can do.  I just couldn't do any more than I already am, and unfortunately, this was the place that it manifested itself.  I wish I could do more, but I can't.  But I can write this now and I can talk about it, and I am thankful that Ryan could do what I couldn't.  We'll see how things go from here, but I know that either way I don't have much more time with Phil.  It does make me realize that I should cherish everyone though because you never know when something is going to happen.  Natural or unnatural, people can be taken away from you at any time.

The first time I received a text after that night, I jumped and the anxiety about the situation came back.  I have changed the sound my message makes on my phone, and I hope to never EVER hear that other sound again.

Frustration

Sometimes I get so frustrated about things that it makes me want to cry.  Luckily today is not one of those days, but it could have been yesterday.  I don't know it's due to my anxiety or I'm just a perfectionist or what is going on, but lately I have been stressing about money.  I don't really have a good reason to be - hubby and I both have jobs that pay fairly well and are secure, and we have a nice house and 2 nice cars and are definitely not living a bad life in any way.  But I still get stressed because I want to be paying down debt or putting away money into savings, and we aren't able to do any of those things.  We are able to make our bills, have a little bit of extra spending here and there, and that's about it.  I know next year depending on what we do with our son for kindergarten, we will hopefully have some extra $$ back from daycare/preschool expenses.  But that won't be until next August at the earliest.

I think the thing that gets me the most is that here I am busting my butt day in and day out at work and traveling all over this country, and for what?  I'm not getting the overtime and doubletime any more which helped us save a little extra here and there.  I'm not even going to make in salary this year what I made with salary and extra last year even though I got promoted.  It's a crock.  Hubby just got a little raise about 2 months ago which has helped tremendously, but then why does it feel like it's never enough? 

I know this sounds super whiny because there are many people out there right now who don't have jobs and have had to give up their houses or cars or whatever to make ends meet.  And we are nowhere near that so I should probably just shut up.  But I still worry because I don't want to get to that place ever.  I keep hoping and praying that something great will come along for us and the economy will get better and we'll get better about managing our money.  We are working on it and trying to buy less "prizes" for our son and stick to the necessities for a little while so we can save up a bit for Christmas presents.  But it sucks and it frustrates me.

Here's hoping tomorrow's interview goes well and I'm one step closer to a solution to ALL of this!

Where am I?

I have like zero time to write this but I'm going to anyways because I've been neglecting again and I don't want to lose the very few readers I have!  :)  Here is the quick update:

-I have been getting absolutely 100% killed at work.  I broke down in tears one day a few weeks ago because it's just so overwhelming sometimes (and I was PMSing!) and I feel like no matter what I do it's never enough.  The good thing is that the days fly by quickly, but the bad thing is that I still feel like there is never enough time to get everything done.  After the next two weeks, things should slow down slightly before my big weekend in November.  Let's hope I can make it!
-As a result of above, I have been having more anxiety and panic attacks and symptoms.  It sucks.  No job should do this to your body, but this one does.  I have gotten really good at counting in my head (sounds crazy I know), praying, meditating, and trying to envision my fears/problems going away from me on a conveyor belt.  So strange that I'm even typing this because it doesn't feel like me, but it has become a part of my reality.  I hope it stays dormant again soon.
-On the job front, I made it to the 2nd round of interviews with the position within my company!  I'm so excited!  :)  I was asked to send my last two reviews in a few weeks ago and then last week they asked me to conduct another round of scenario style interviews.  I'm a little nervous for that, but luckily I don't really have too much time to think about it!  Those interviews are next Monday, and I'm hoping I make it through those to the last round which will be a call with the global head of the department who sits in London.  Keep your fingers crossed!
-In my current position, I am at least being recognized nationally, as I was chosen on Friday as the trainer for the new system we are rolling out next year.  I was picked as the trainer for all of North America for people who do my job.  So now when can I get the paycheck, hours, and recognition that really should come along with all of that?  Clearly people recognize what I do, but I just can't get the formality of making it further.  Something's gotta give one of these days!  At least if I don't get this other position, or if something falls through, I can look forward to this which will involve training in Boston in May and June. 
-Life is good at home.  Love my son so much and my hubby too!  We had a WONDERFUL anniversary including massage and pedicure, amazing dinner at Tillman's Roadhouse (if you live in the area you must try it - they have one in Dallas and one in Ft. Worth which is where we went), and an evening in a nice hotel downtown. Even though I stay in hotels all the time for work, it was nice to have my hubby there with me and have an evening for just the two of us away from it all - even if it was only 15 miles or so from our house! 
-That's all I have time for and that takes care of the main things!  I hope to come back with good news soon!

Inspiration...

Just heard this song on the radio on my drive home and I am instantly in love - thank you Katy Perry!

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Must.stay.awake.....

I am currently sitting in the career center of one of the schools I manage, and I'm trying my hardest to stay awake.  I had a 7 am flight this morning, and I was planning on being fast and getting up at 5 to leave by 5:30, but I think out of fear of oversleeping or who knows what, I woke up about 4:15 and then didn't have time to fall back asleep.  So frustrating!  Needless to say, I could now fall asleep at this table and sleep for hours!  At least we only have an hour more here to go, a quick debrief, and then back to the airport to catch my flight home.  Of course when I get home, I still have e-mails that have to go out tonight, but I won't think about that until after I hopefully catch a quick cat nap on the flight back!  ;) 

Things are looking up around here lately.  My second 1st round interview yesterday went really well I think.  I really clicked with the person who was interviewing me, who would also be a part of the team I will hopefully work on, and overall I was satisfied with my performance.  No regrets!  I should hear later this week if I made it to the 2nd round or not.  Keeping my fingers and toes crossed!  :)  I also got an e-mail yesterday from one of the colleges in the area near I live that I had made it from the 80 applicants down to the final 15 for an Associate Director position in their career center.  I was thrilled because I applied completely on a whim, and they wanted someone ideally with an MBA.  They asked me to fill out about 10 pre-screening questions about my experiences, work style, and things like that, and then are supposed to narrow it down to 5 candidates to bring in for interviews.  I should hear something on that as well in the next week.  I don't know if I would take it/get it in the end, but it's awesome to be considered and boosts my self confidence to know there are options out there.  Here's hoping one of the two works out and soon because this traveling and crazy hours and my boss issues and everything else are really adding weight to my shoulders and I'm ready to have some time back for me! 

Okay well I will stop boring you with my life for now and try to make it awake for another hour before we go!  I'm really excited because my husband and I's 6 year anniversary is coming up soon (and it's the first time it's on a Saturday since we got married), so we are going to get massages and pedicures and stay at a hotel downtown and have a nice dinner and I can't wait!  We really shouldn't be spending the extra $$, but every now and then you just have to do these nice things for yourself especially when we have both been through a lot with work lately.  11 more days until pampering and relaxation!

Check another box

I spent the good majority of yesterday afternoon reading and studying for my last class, and I'm happy to say that I'm finished!  I have now passed all 3 classes and will receive my Masters Certificate in HR Management soon.  I'm really happy that I accomplished everything I have in the past 4 months, and I am hopeful this is a sign that good things will continue to come!  :)  It felt so good to finish, and then I got to spend the night with my loves at a yummy dinner at one of my favorite Tex-Mex places and watching the hot air balloons light up and then some fireworks at a local festival.  Great day!  Today is Cowboys football watching, laundry & cleaning, and hopefully some reading and relaxing too!  Let the good times continue!

One down, one to go (for 1st rounds at least!)

I spent 45 minutes yesterday in one of the most difficult interviews I've ever had.  Not because the manager was super mean or difficult or anything - just because she asked some really thought-provoking questions that I had to quickly think on my feet to solve.  I think I did really well though so I'm proud of myself because I know that no matter what, I gave it a great effort.  I have a call on Monday with the other project leader for this position, so we'll see what she has to say.  Then they will debrief and let me know if I made it to round 2.  I'm really hoping this all works out.  If it doesn't though, I"m trying to convince myself that it's only because something better is headed my way and now is not the time.  But hopefully it will all work out and give me another great opportunity while getting to stay in the same company!  Keep your fingers crossed!

Thoughts and prayers please!

I have this opportunity that has come up, and it's really good.  It is within my company so I would still get the same great benefits and get to work with the people that I truly love.  But it would be a slight promotion (and hopefully raise), way better hours, way better travel (super minimal), a new boss (!), possibility to work from home some, and in an area that I'm super interested in and passionate about.  I have interviews for it tomorrow and Monday for the 1st round and then we'll see where it goes from there.  I have already had e-mail and one phone conversation with the manager that I think went really well and she said a lot of positive things about my experience and resume, so I can only hope that I am able to impress and have this opportunity come true.  In the meantime, I am just wishing and hoping and praying that it does and would love any positive energy and thoughts you could send my way!  This move would mean the world to me - would give me my life back on the nights and weekends and summers, would give me more time with my family, would give me more time to devote to my health and other things, and would be a great step in my professional development as well.  Here's to hoping for the best!  :)

The photos I've Been Promising

Since it's taken me forever to figure out how to post photos, I am going to post a few of the wedding flowers I did back in June plus some from our Alaska trip.  We took almost 1000 pictures in Alaska and they are almost all really good so I have a hard time narrowing it down but here's a glimpse.  I started putting them individually and it took FOREVER and then the computer shut everything down and deleted most of it (I was really happy ha!) so now I just put a bunch of thumbnails and captioned them.  The photos of the flowers are all the ones I did for the wedding!

My little love being kissed by a moose (luckily not a real one!)

On a little hike around the Mt McKinley Lodge

Wedding centerpieces

Top of the front pieces for the ceremony

One of the front ceremony pieces

The other front ceremony piece

Puffballs that were along the aisle

The "tree" of placecards

Bride's bouquet

Bridesmaid bouquets

Bride & bridesmaids bouquets

Centerpieces before they went out

Groom's bout & one of the groomsmen bouts

All of the bouts

Groomsmen bouts

Polar bear in the Vancouver airport

Coming into Vancouver

We had towel animals every night - this one was a monkey - and part of my little guy's favorite things about the ship!

Sea otter with a fish

In Ketchikan with his Alaskan flag

On our duck tour in Ketchikan

Mendenhall Glacier in Juneau

Sea lions lounging on the buoy

One of the whales we saw up close and personal in Juneau

Another whale tail

Inspiration Point in Skagway

See the train on the mountain?  We were on one just like it headed that way 

I want to say this was near the Canadian border

Glacier National Park

We were TV stars for a day!  :)  Not really, just got to pour the champagne waterfall on the first formal night and they put our pictures on the ship TV channel the next day!

Hubbard Glacier

Our ship in Whittier - Island Princess

Snow "waterfall"

One of the views on the train

I think this was a moose

In Denali

On the bus searching for animals in Denali

At the end of the ATV tour - this was like 9 pm at night

Natural rock

Little guy by a stream

Moose and her babies

Missing in action

I admit it - I have been missing in action for way too long.  I am trying to increase readership and yet I go and disappear for over a month.  I hope to start writing more and wanted to get something on the page for now so here are a few things that have happened while I was "gone" from the blogging world:

1) I went on a trip to Alaska with my parents and my husband and son.  I saw some AMAZINGLY beautiful things and had some experiences that I will probably never have again in my lifetime in terms of pure, unadulterated beauty of nature.  But I also had an awakening experience with my parents in realizing that no matter what I do or say or try to do to make things better, my mother is NEVER going to change.  I had thought we were on the right path since things had been going more smoothly for the past year, but I was very sad and disappointed when this trip turned back to the same old same old.  It makes me sad for myself, it makes me sad for my husband, and it especially makes me sad for my son, who has never done anything but been loving and sweet to them and try to get to know them and only has received criticism in return.  Maybe one day I will open this can of worms a little further but for now that is all I am going to say on that subject!  ;)

2) My work has picked up full speed.  Starting on Thursday, I now have to travel for at least 1-3 days every week from now through October 22 (with the exception of the week of 9/27-10/1).  It is going to be brutal, it's going to be long hours with no extra pay, and it's going to be hard on my husband and my son.  I just pray for the strength to get through it and in two months it will be over.  I am going to maintain the most positive attitude I can about it because it is part of my current job and there isn't really any changing that right now.  At least I am earning hotel points and airline miles and can take another fabulous trip (with just my hubby and son this time!) in the future for free.  :) 

3) I have grown as a person in the past month.  I know that seems strange to say but I've really developed my leadership skills and am working on increasing my powers of influence and leadership in my office.  I was elected to represent the administrative staff to the management in helping to "fix" some of the issues that make us question our jobs.  It isn't easy and it's not always fun to say the tough stuff, but I'm learning that there is a way to professionally go about things to get your point across and still maintain your integrity and respect.  I am making my voice be seen and heard - I am making sure people are aware of the things I have accomplished and want to accomplish.  Even though this is not specifically part of my job, I know these skills that I am developing will really help push my career and make my day-to-day work life better, so I am thankful for this opportunity and hope to use it for all that I can to make my life and those around me better.

4) I have one more class left to complete in September & October, and then I will have my Masters Certificate in addition to my professional certification.  I am proud of what I have accomplished over the past 4 months and hope to make more strides to finish this year strong.  I wanted 2010 to be "my year" but I think with the economy and everything else that is still going on in the world, I need to stick to my routine, do the things I can do to make myself better, and see what 2011 brings.  I am happy for my health and that we both have jobs (husband's work did a TON of layoffs last week but he is fine) and that our son is doing well (he just started PreK!).  Life is as good as it can be right now, and I will just continue to work hard, plan ahead, and pray for good things to come when it's time!  :)

That's all I got for now - need to do a little more work before I leave.  Hope to keep up a little better - maybe I can do a road journal!  Ha!  :)

Updates

First and foremost, I PASSED MY TEST!  I took it a week ago today, and I am still in disbelief that it came up as passed.  I mean I studied my butt off and knew the material pretty well, but still I was just worried because I'm not always the best test taker and only about 58% of people pass it at all, let alone on the first try.  I'm so excited!  Now, I get to have fancy letters behind my name - ha!  It is good for 3 years and then I can either renew by doing continuing education or sit for the next level up test.  So depending on what I am doing at that point in my life, I will figure it out if I 1) still want/need it and 2) if so, I will probably try to get the next level up.  This place may do lots of things, but they can't take it this away from me!  :)  I have proudly added it to my signature, and when I told one of my managers (yes I did say one of!), he told me that's great, but please don't leave...if only they would do something about it so I could stay! 

The door that I thought was possibly opening was just a fake one apparently.  ;)  After not hearing from the manager for almost a week, I e-mailed the original recruiter who had e-mailed me from the start about the position.  He waited almost a week to get back to me to tell me that they had been busy but that they had decided to go with a candidate they had interviewed a few weeks ago.  What the heck?!  Why did they even bother talking to me or acting like they were interested if they had another candidate in mind?  I even received an e-mail from the manager immediately after our phone conversation about how she really was looking forward to hearing back from me, etc.  It definitely gave me a bad taste for that company, so I doubt I would EVER consider anything with them in the future.  That is just bad business and especially in the field I am already in, they should know better than to treat me that way.  Oh well - their loss!!! 

In the meantime, I'm focusing on working through my second class of three to get my masters certificate, and then when that is all done and work slows down again at the holidays, I will see what my options are.  They are SUPPOSEDLY making some changes around here soon, so we'll see what if anything happens and how it affects me, but in the meantime, I'll just keep my open and let fate takes its course.  I know God will provide for me when the time is ready and at least I have a good job in the meantime.  Now if only I could figure out a way to get my boss out of my business all the time!  ;) 

Gotta run for now because I"ve been busy at work trying to get stuff done and preparing for to be out of the office for 8 working days when we had to Alaska!  I'm getting excited for it - hoping my mom can behave for that long, but regardless, I think it will be an amazing trip and at least I get to spend some vacation time away from this place and no laptop this time so it will be nice!  8 more days until we are off to luxury!  Talk to you soon!

Open door?

So remember a few weeks ago when I said a recruiter contacted me about a position but I thought it wasn't going to work out?  So it's quite possible that it's headed in a good direction now.  The thing that makes me feel really good about even considering it is 1) they are pursuing me and 2) I have been pretty honest about my expectations from a job and what I don't like about my current one vs what I want from a new one and they still like me and are wanting to talk to me.  So...we'll see where this open door leads.  It may be nowhere and I may find out that it isn't going to work out, but it's fun to have the possibility.

For the past few weeks, I have really felt that my position here has been so meaningless.  I am basically a glorified admin person due to the fact that my boss can't handle me having any sort of responsibility.  It is so frustrating because I have no idea why I got promoted if I'm going to do less meaningful work, but whatever.  If only I could keep my hours in check to make it worth my while!  ;)

Here are the positives so far from what I've heard about this other opportunity - more decision-making power, more of a chance to be an "expert" for the offices/schools I would be handling, more opportunity to work on internal projects that matter to the North American group as a whole, not to mention the fact that it would only be two schools (I now manage SEVEN) so I would imagine the travel would be less, and it seems like there might be opportunity to work from home which would be GREAT considering my son will be starting kindergarten next year and it would help to have a little more flexibility.  So we'll see what happens, but I'm feeling like there might be something promising here.  And if not, there have to be other options out there - I just don't know how much longer I can take the situation I am in now.  It's become unbearable, is causing me to have panic attacks in the middle of the night occasionally, and is generally causing me too much stress and sadness. 

I've decided that my 31st year of life will be an amazing one and since it starts tomorrow, I'm hoping my birthday wishes all come true and that I hear back soon about seeing where this open door might lead.  :)

Birthday wish

I just realized that my birthday is a week away.  I'm going to be the big 3-1!  It seems like these days birthdays are just another day especially when I have to work (ugh it's a Tuesday).  Luckily, my hubby is awesome and always tries to make it special.  I don't really have any huge birthday present that I want this year - just a small little things that I don't want to have to go and buy myself because they are more "wants" than "needs." 

So for my birthday this year, I am asking for one wish to be granted.  I wish for inner peace and strength to get through the days ahead and to create many more happy moments.  I am truly blessed in all that I have and I need to be more cognizant of it instead of being mopey!  I have been so overwhelmed lately with everything that is going on that I am just exhausted all of the time and that has to stop.  I need the peace and strength to get through my busy time at my job and to search for the next big thing.  My 31st year is going to be a big one I've determined!  Even though I'm getting older, I am still young at heart and have a lot of life to live ahead - just want to be surrounded by good people and positivity!  I know that I am a strong worker and that I can get where I want to be - I just need to have a little patience and luck and a lot of hard work and I will get there soon enough!  Everything happens for a reason!  :)

Quick update

I don't have a whole lot of time to post today because our M*B*A intern group just started today and I'm trying to help out where I can.  Things are good again with my son's school - had a great talk with the supervisor of his area and the assistant director of the school so I'm feeling much better about him staying there both in the short and long term.  They were very open and honest about the changes (wish they would have just been from the start), and I feel safe and satisfied with him being there for another year until he starts kindergarten next fall.

Yesterday, I kind of got overwhelmed with everything that is going on.  I think it's really hitting me how much extra time I am having to devote to my work and give up with my family and extra "me time."  And since I am no longer eligible to make extra money to be at the events, it seems even more frustrating and time-consuming.  We are just really busy right now and I can't wait until July when we have 11 days to ourselves away from computers and work and everything else.  Hopefully my parents will behave and we can have an amazing trip!  :)  One month from tomorrow we leave for Alaska!

I am hopeful that I can pass this exam at the end of June, but I know it is very difficult and I'm trying to study as hard as I can without putting too much pressure on myself just in case.  I want to pass and succeed and use it to get out of here, but if I don't, I can always take it again at the end of the year and I still have my masters certificate for my resume regardless.  Deep breaths! 

Okay that's all for now - hope you all had a great weekend and I'm hoping this week goes quickly and easily!

It's Been a Long Week

There are times when I feel like the week just rushes by so quickly and there don't seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done.  Then there are other times when there is too much to do and not enough time to do it.  This week was one of those latter type of weeks.  It seems like I have the weight of a million and one things on my shoulders right now, and I'm struggling to find the best way to alleviate all of the burden and enjoy my life.  There are changes that need to be made - some that are in my control and some that aren't - and I know that change is hard and takes time.  But I'm ready for something more - I deserve something more. 

The one solid and stable area in my life right now is my marriage with my husband and our relationship as a family with my son.  I am so thankful to have them both in my life to get through the good times and the bad, and I don't know what I would do if all of the wheels on the bus were off and rolling away.  At least I have one really good solid set for up front!  ;) 

Work is starting to get to the point where it is becoming unbearable for me.  Not the actual work - it's just that I've lost all of my excitement and passion for it.  I feel like the joy I used to feel has been replaced by bitterness and anger, and that is really just not the type of person I am or want to be.  I'm bitter that I work my tail off and get "promoted" only to be basically shoved back in my place by a loss in income.  I'm angry that I work extra hours (without pay now) and try my hardest to be the best I can be and yet there is no room for advancement or recognition or future opportunities and my boss tries to micromanage me to death for no reason at all.  I find myself internally saying "you can get through this because hopefully next time you won't be here" or "it's going to be okay because maybe next time you won't be the one to put up with it - it will be someone else's problem."  That would be all well and good if I actually had something to go to, but I don't know and I don't know how to find it.

I look at some of my friends who are very deserving of the positions I have but have better positions than me nonetheless.  And I think to myself - when is it my turn?  When will someone give me a chance to supervise people or at least a career path towards that?  Why am I giving up time away from my son and my house and my family with traveling and long hours and crazy schedules when I'm not getting anything back in return (a stable job of course which I am VERY thankful for and good benefits - so it's not nothing but I think I should get more)?  I know I will get that time soon (at least I hope), but I'm anxious to get there.  In the meantime, I will concentrate on my classes and passing my exam at the end of the month (oh please let me pass!). 

On top of all this work mumbo-jumbo, I have had a weird feeling this week about my son's preschool.  Up until this point, I have been super happy with his school and felt very safe and secure knowing he was there with good people and learning lots of things.  However, in the past month, I feel like something has changed.  My son's teacher was taken away from him to move to the toddler area and he and a few classmates were shuttled up to the next grade up area for the summer.  I thought at the time it was all very strange because we never received a letter from the school telling us what was going on or of the upcoming changes or received any information about his new teacher.  And then when I went this week to drop him off, I've noticed the place is a ghost town and the entire wing where he formerly was is shut down and they are down to just three small classrooms for the two grades combined.  To me, that makes me wonder if something happened that I wasn't aware of, and that the other parents found out and we didn't.  Why would their enrollment drop so dramatically?  It didn't do that last year even. 

Of course as usual when I get worried about stuff like this, I went into super research mode and started checking records with the state family & protective services department and such.  The perfect record I saw 3 years ago when we first put him in has now been tarnished with several violations in 2009 specifically in areas that are scary to me.  I can overlook a piece of paper being misplaced or something small like that because that can easily be filled out and updated.  But not paying attention to children or inappropriately handling them is not something I will tolerate.  My son is about to be in PreK this next fall, and it scares me to have him somewhere that has now become so disorganized as that is a formative year and he is just on the verge of learning to read.  I'm distraught over what to do, but I am going this afternoon with my husband to talk to the school and get some answers.  If I don't like what I hear, I'm determined to find something else for him - even if it's starting in the fall and he has to stick out the summer there.  It's hard working full time when you are concerned about your son's wellbeing.  I hope we can get this all figured out soon.

Enough of my craziness, I guess I should actually do a little work today since I'm leaving early for that meeting!  I have faith that things will get better soon - I'm just ready and waiting for the right moment to come!

Restless

All day I have felt restless. It's probably because of the fact that I have a million and one things bouncing around my brain right now!  And the fact that I just had a vacation not too long ago, a three day weekend last weekend, and another three day weekend coming up for a wedding this weekend.  Two nights from now, we will be heading to Austin for the festivities to begin. 

This week I am preparing for my intern group to arrive.  Our first meeting will be this Sunday night where I will get to enjoy a good dinner with them, but it will be my first real time of having to do extra "work" without the benefit of OT/DT to sweeten the deal.  I'm not looking forward to "working for free" this summer, but it is what it is.  I feel pretty good about having prepared most of it ahead of time, so I'm not too stressed about being out on Friday before they arrive.

At the wedding this weekend, I am not only the matron of honor but I am also doing all of the flowers for the wedding. I'm really excited about doing the flowers and a little nervous too.  I went this weekend and got all of the little extras I needed (floral tape, floral clay, foam balls, etc.).  I can't wait for it to be done and hopefully look awesome so I can take lots of pictures to be proud of.  It will be a great way for me to express my creativity so I'm really excited to see my vision be a reality.  Now if I can just get through Friday and the ceremony, then I can really enjoy the reception!

This weekend, I received an e-mail through Linked!n regarding a position similar to mine with another firm similar to mine.  I think the reputation of my firm is better, but I e-mailed back to just get some more details including the salary range they were considering for the position.  Unfortunately, it's about the same as what I am making now, although they are only requiring 2 years of experience and I have 5!  It would have been nice to be making this much 3 years ago!  I have to believe that one of these days, someone out there is going to see my true worth and give me a position that will challenge me and give me the money and benefits I deserve.

In the meantime, I will continue my classes (finished the first one this weekend - woohoo!) and work hard here to see what happens.  I have given up on a real future here even though it makes me want to cry to even think about having to leave, but I am probably going to need to stick around until the end of the year/beginning of the new year in order to get all of my classes completed and paid for by the company.  I remain hopeful for my big break - I know they are out there because I have examples of them nearby through friends and former coworkers.  I just need my turn!  :)

Guess that's all for now - I will probably try to leave in about an hour so I can at least be at home and read or something to try to relax my brain a bit since it's on overdrive with all of this right now.  I need to take things one day at a time and just be thankful for what I have right now - but I can still continue to push myself for even more because I know I can get it and I know I deserve it. 

This past weekend was pretty fabulous as was our vacation so I'm looking forward to more good days ahead!  :)

The Poop Hit the Fan and Now I'm Cleaning up the Mess!

So I finally got my comp letter and review last week...and let's just say it was worst than I expected.  I did get the promotion as I suspected, but the terms were awful because I will be making LESS money with my promotion than I did last year.  It sucks but I'm dealing.  I started a new workout schedule in the mornings this week to help manage everything between work, school, family, etc.  It is working and makes me more positive and awake throughout the day.  I have been talking to people at work about it and trying to figure out what to do and if anything can be changed.  I'm gathering data on the hours I worked for the past few years and making a list of the additional responsibilities I will have over the next year.  My boss isn't being helpful at all (when I asked her about it last Friday she told me she would find out more information and I haven't heard a peep from her), but I have other people on my side.  EDITED: While I have other people on my side, they are started to become defeated by my boss and the powers that be and I don't think anything will be done to change things around here.  So frustrating and sad at the same time! 

On the positive side, I'm doing well in my class and have scheduled my professional exam for the end of June (was going to wait until December-January) so I can get that done and out of the way.  So by the end of October I will be done with all of my school, can get reimbursed by my company, and then if in December or the new year something else great comes along, I will definitely be open to it!  I know the people here think I do a really good job and would be freaked out if I was to leave, so I'm holding on to that for the next year until I can figure out my next move.  :)  I'm proud of myself for dealing with this the way I am and hope I can continue to be strong and take the steps I need to take.

I am slowing going crazy....1,2,3,4,5,6 switch!

When I was little, we had this silly song that we used to sing in music class that has always stuck in my head for some reason.  And right now I feel like I am slowing going crazy so the song pops into my head several times a day.  Why you may ask?  For a few reasons that I'm about to tell you whether you want me to or not!  The first is that I am extremely bored at this time of year.  I like being busy.  I like being productive.  And right now, I'm not really able to be either.  It's not that busy because this is our "slow" time at work until the summer program starts in June, and I'm not able to be productive because the few things I have to work on need to be run through my boss and she is ignoring my e-mails and is generally doing nothing as well.  Ergo, I can't be productive either.  It is infuriating! 

So I've used the opportunity, even though I feel guilty about it, to do some of my school work on company time.  I wouldn't normally do that, but rather than just sit here and be bored and do nothing all day, at least I'm learning.  And that is one thing that is going well.  I am enjoying my class so far and have found it enlightening and informative which are all good things.  I finished the first module which was scheduled for two weeks in about 5 days including taking the test for that module and scoring 100%!  So I'm happy that I took the steps to get that done.  :)

Another thing that is slowly driving me crazy is the fact that I have yet to have my review (or even to have it scheduled).  Last year at this time, when it didn't even matter because we weren't getting any raises or anything, I had already received my review by this point in time.  This year, I apparently finally got the promotion I should have received!  However, I don't know anything about the terms (it will switch me from non-exempt to exempt) and I found out because the internal people finder says my updated title and my timecard changed on Monday when I submitted from last week.  But did my boss say a word to me?  NO NOT A PEEP!  It is probably the most disrespectful thing she could have done, and I can't wait until the officewide meeting when they will probably announce my promotion and I still won't have received my comp letter or review.  I have no idea when I will get paid again (non-exempt gets paid weekly, exempt is only twice a month) or how much I am now making.  It is just so poor managing it amazes me.

Along with that, I was sort of secretly hoping that they would realize what a poor manager I have and do something about it this review cycle.  But I am feeling fairly confident that I am going to have to continue to deal with this situation for awhile longer.  It makes me want to scream or cry in frustration on an almost daily basis and when it's busy it is very counterproductive to getting work done.  I don't know how I will do it.  I know I can because I have dealt with it for some time now, but it is the one thing that makes my job extra miserable.  I think without that frustrating, stressful situation, I would be happy at work.  I wish this would resolve, and I feel like my patience has been tested long enough.  But I will just keep waiting and hoping for something good to come along!

In addition, I feel helpless for my husband's situation.  His work is driving him nuts and it affects both him and me/our son on an almost daily basis.  For some reason, he is too afraid to even apply to another job, to even see what other options he might have.  I hope he can be brave enough to push his boundaries and take this next step.  I am ready for us both to have a change in this area of our lives so that it can be less crushing on the rest of our lives. 

Here's hoping to good things ahead and that I don't actually go crazy!  j/k  ;)

Going back to school!

Woohoo!  After much waiting and complaining and worrying, they have approved my tuition reimbursement to take my masters certificate classes.  :)  So by October, I will have completed all three and can study to take the PHR in December/January.  I'm looking forward to this next step in my journey.  I hope it's not too overwhelming or hard, but yet challenging.  I think that no matter what, it will give me the chance to explore other opportunities in my field in case I want to stay within the area but in a different type of role in the future as well as add something to my resume.  And the best part is that it's free because the company is paying for it 100%.  It's about time that I get something great out of the deal!  Ha!  :)  My son also had a GREAT 4-year-old checkup this morning and had a great day at school afterwards, and I also found out that his teacher has been asked to move up to PreK5 next year, so he may get to have her again in the fall!  I hope it all works out - today has been a good day (other than my hubby's whining about his sore throat - ha!).