"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain
This is my new favorite quote, probably because it describes exactly how I feel right now. I decided to take the offer with the new company and I'm really excited. Part of me is sad to leave the people at this company behind and I know that I am good at this job, but I'll be doing something similar but with greater opportunities and more senior respect and responsibilities which will be awesome! So I'm sailing away from safe harbor to see where the wind shall take me! :) I have a few more weeks at this job and then off to explore the new company and situation.
I'm so excited about this opportunity and the flexibility and all of the good things that will come with it. I had a really rough day at work on Friday due to lack of help and support in the office and just a million things resting on my shoulders. But luckily having given my notice, I know that this is all going to be gone/different soon enough. I just need to get through the next few weeks and then see what is out there waiting for me! Hope you all are doing well and can't wait to update you soon on my new adventures!
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
10.24.2011
10.17.2011
Cheers to the Freakin' Weekend
Yeah, yeah! Ha! We had a wonderful weekend this weekend. Mainly because I got a phone call on Friday afternoon just after I was complaining that I wasn't going to hear anything. And I GOT THE OFFER! I'm so excited!!!
I got the rest of the details on Saturday morning and reviewed everything, and I think it's going to be great. I have asked them to visit the local building and people here briefly (hopefully tomorrow) as one final check, but I think I will likely give my notice on Wednesday. They are being super kind and allowing me some extra time to give notice, and I could technically finish my big weekend event here and start that following Monday with them. It would be tiring but it would be nice to my current company and would allow me to start with them sooner than later. So I'm hoping they write back soon with plans for tomorrow and then I can get this show on the road.
I had a brief moment of panic this weekend because the insurance isn't quite as good as what I have now. But then I remembered what I had now is obscenely good, and this is still really really good and hopefully we can all stay healthier and not have to worry about it quite as much. It's also weird to think that after 6+ years I might be going to work at a different place. But the opportunities at this company are endless and I really think it will be a great move for me!
So excited - I'll let you know how the visit goes. Now does someone want to give my notice here for me? I'm dreading that part a little bit. :)
I got the rest of the details on Saturday morning and reviewed everything, and I think it's going to be great. I have asked them to visit the local building and people here briefly (hopefully tomorrow) as one final check, but I think I will likely give my notice on Wednesday. They are being super kind and allowing me some extra time to give notice, and I could technically finish my big weekend event here and start that following Monday with them. It would be tiring but it would be nice to my current company and would allow me to start with them sooner than later. So I'm hoping they write back soon with plans for tomorrow and then I can get this show on the road.
I had a brief moment of panic this weekend because the insurance isn't quite as good as what I have now. But then I remembered what I had now is obscenely good, and this is still really really good and hopefully we can all stay healthier and not have to worry about it quite as much. It's also weird to think that after 6+ years I might be going to work at a different place. But the opportunities at this company are endless and I really think it will be a great move for me!
So excited - I'll let you know how the visit goes. Now does someone want to give my notice here for me? I'm dreading that part a little bit. :)
10.14.2011
Tick tock
So....I went on Tuesday from my vacation up to the East Coast to interview with a company that I've been interviewing with for a few weeks (had phone interviews, tests(!), etc. and then they invited me in person). The position would be here where I live, but their headquarters are up there and the management is up there as well.
They treated me right - expensive air tickets, car service to/from the airport and business, meals, etc. I clicked really well with the people who would be directly above me and it sounds like a really really great opportunity where I would get to focus on some more senior level duties with support underneath me and from above as well as the opportunity to manage someone else. So now I'm just waiting to hear back...I was hoping to hear something by today but since they are on the East Coast, I'm thinking we are too close to Friday afternoon to really hear anything today. So I will try not to think about it this weekend hope that my week starts off great with a potential offer! :) Or ideally they will call me in the next hour or two instead! Either way, fingers crossed because this might just be the one!
They treated me right - expensive air tickets, car service to/from the airport and business, meals, etc. I clicked really well with the people who would be directly above me and it sounds like a really really great opportunity where I would get to focus on some more senior level duties with support underneath me and from above as well as the opportunity to manage someone else. So now I'm just waiting to hear back...I was hoping to hear something by today but since they are on the East Coast, I'm thinking we are too close to Friday afternoon to really hear anything today. So I will try not to think about it this weekend hope that my week starts off great with a potential offer! :) Or ideally they will call me in the next hour or two instead! Either way, fingers crossed because this might just be the one!
10.04.2011
Should have known better
Glimmer of hope officially out...on to find the next one. Need to find the one that opens the box to the full light! :) One day....
Today
Today I found myself crying (not sobbing at least, just tears coming out occasionally) on an airplane. Yet another week of travel for me. Left this afternoon and then out of town in 2 different cities for work before coming home late Thursday evening. My parents are flying through home on Thursday afternoon to pick up my son and take him to another city south of where we live for a long weekend so I won't even get to see him until my husband and I arrive there on Friday evening after driving after work. I will be home for a few hours to shower, unpack and repack, and then take the dog to the pet hotel first thing Friday morning before a day in the office and then hopefully hit the road by 4 pm for a long weekend with my family until Tuesday. I really need the break. I am going to have to work some but hopefully not too much.
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
9.19.2011
Updates
I am sitting in my hotel room in a city south of my own and I've been working all night and now need to go to sleep because we have an early start to the day tomorrow morning. But I decided it was time to stop neglecting this thing and at least put an update. I miss my buddies more than I can imagine and have to sleep 3 nights before I get to see them again on Thursday evening, but then it will almost be the weekend at least! :)
We had a fabulous weekend this past weekend. We made it extra special because we knew I was going to be out of town most of the week. Hubby and I went to the movies (finally!) to see "Crazy Stupid Love" which was great at a matinee and then we picked up our son and went to dinner and then took him bowling for the first time. He got frustrated, but he had fun! Then Sunday, we went out to the balloon festival nearby. They didn't launch the balloons due to weather (we finally got rain this weekend!) but we still had fun! :)
Enough about that - I'm sure you are wondering about my last few posts. Let's see...the one I wrote about last, I did get called back for a final round of interviews with them. I met with two of the partners....and was really disappointed. I guess they were equally disappointed because that was 2.5 weeks ago and I NEVER HEARD BACK!!! What is up with companies being so rude? I took off two different time periods to interview with them, and was in the final round with I think only one other person. You'd think the least they could do is e-mail me back and say "no thanks." Even though I didn't want the job, I sent an e-mail about a week after the interviews to "check in" and still didn't hear anything. Crazy!
I have done a lot of other phone interviews since then. I even did some more in-person interviews and lo and behold I even received an offer last Friday. I was pretty excited about it until I opened the documents and saw the benefits. I know I won't get the same benefits somewhere else as what I have here, but these are truly two ends of the spectrum and were REALLY bad across the board from insurance deductibles to vacation days to sick time. Ugh! So I called today and left a voicemail (I know bad, but I didn't have a choice - will follow up with an e-mail I think) and declined the offer. Back to the drawing board! I am really proud of getting the offer and that gave me a good little boost. Too bad it didn't work out!!!
I have either declined extra rounds for jobs I don't really like or finished most of the others except for one that I have another phone interview for this Wednesday. We'll see about that one, but I'm a little skeptical these days. So now I'm trying to figure out how the heck I can tolerate my current situation because in reality there are a lot of things I do like about it (even though I don't want to admit it). I just wish there were more career opportunities & recognition and I really wish I didn't have to report to my boss. But I"m thinking my best bet might be to talk to my other supervisors about possibly taking some more classes and getting a masters degree (with some company sponsorship I hope!) just to occupy my time and keep me learning. Tossing around the idea and talking to one school admissions counselor later this week as well as attending a "virtual open house" next week too...so we shall see.
I need to get some rest so I'm going to have to sign off for now but will try to write more this week when I'm hanging around. :) Hope you all are great and I will keep trying to find the positives more often!
We had a fabulous weekend this past weekend. We made it extra special because we knew I was going to be out of town most of the week. Hubby and I went to the movies (finally!) to see "Crazy Stupid Love" which was great at a matinee and then we picked up our son and went to dinner and then took him bowling for the first time. He got frustrated, but he had fun! Then Sunday, we went out to the balloon festival nearby. They didn't launch the balloons due to weather (we finally got rain this weekend!) but we still had fun! :)
Enough about that - I'm sure you are wondering about my last few posts. Let's see...the one I wrote about last, I did get called back for a final round of interviews with them. I met with two of the partners....and was really disappointed. I guess they were equally disappointed because that was 2.5 weeks ago and I NEVER HEARD BACK!!! What is up with companies being so rude? I took off two different time periods to interview with them, and was in the final round with I think only one other person. You'd think the least they could do is e-mail me back and say "no thanks." Even though I didn't want the job, I sent an e-mail about a week after the interviews to "check in" and still didn't hear anything. Crazy!
I have done a lot of other phone interviews since then. I even did some more in-person interviews and lo and behold I even received an offer last Friday. I was pretty excited about it until I opened the documents and saw the benefits. I know I won't get the same benefits somewhere else as what I have here, but these are truly two ends of the spectrum and were REALLY bad across the board from insurance deductibles to vacation days to sick time. Ugh! So I called today and left a voicemail (I know bad, but I didn't have a choice - will follow up with an e-mail I think) and declined the offer. Back to the drawing board! I am really proud of getting the offer and that gave me a good little boost. Too bad it didn't work out!!!
I have either declined extra rounds for jobs I don't really like or finished most of the others except for one that I have another phone interview for this Wednesday. We'll see about that one, but I'm a little skeptical these days. So now I'm trying to figure out how the heck I can tolerate my current situation because in reality there are a lot of things I do like about it (even though I don't want to admit it). I just wish there were more career opportunities & recognition and I really wish I didn't have to report to my boss. But I"m thinking my best bet might be to talk to my other supervisors about possibly taking some more classes and getting a masters degree (with some company sponsorship I hope!) just to occupy my time and keep me learning. Tossing around the idea and talking to one school admissions counselor later this week as well as attending a "virtual open house" next week too...so we shall see.
I need to get some rest so I'm going to have to sign off for now but will try to write more this week when I'm hanging around. :) Hope you all are great and I will keep trying to find the positives more often!
8.26.2011
Happy Friday!
So I survived the interview yesterday! It was really pretty great actually and even if I don't get called back for third rounds, I feel good about how I presented myself and the admiration and respect that the people I met with had for me and my background. I am not one to brag about myself at all which I think is why interviews are difficult for me, but I definitely know my stuff in this world and was able to articulate it well I think.
The "boss" of this position seemed awesome! She was very down to earth, has two little girls so understands the work/life balance needs, and is more in my working style with planning ahead and checking things off the list to get them done. She also doesn't like to micromanage people and is really looking for someone who will be a team player and help to drive some change. I really think we "clicked" and I'm hoping she thought so too. She introduced me to the other members of the team afterwards which I thought was a good sign as well, but who knows. The other person I met with was the HR leader of the group that this position hires into and she seemed really great too. She gave me hope as well because she said that she has been able to try out 4 different positions in the 6 years she has been there and is the type of person who likes to get in to a job, learn it, improve it, and move forward, and I think that's a little bit how I am as well. So it was encouraging to hear that they are at least "open" to that possibility unlike here where it is groundhogs day for eternity.
Pros: Really liked the people, the boss seems WAY better, there is a support staff of two additional people to help, I would have less crazy responsibility for a million and one things and would have the ability to concentrate more deeply on building relationships with the students and internal recruiters, possible career development opportunities available, supportive of continuing education, seem pretty flexible on hours and I read online (though they didn't mention it so maybe it doesn't apply to all staff) that they do flexible fridays during the summer where from Memorial Day to Labor Day you can work 9/80 and have every other Friday off!, better title
Cons: The office environment is a little more stuffy looking although it seems like the people are fun and they still do fun events and things. The office location is farther from home BUT our office is scheduled to move there or near there next year anyways and this office at least is on the side where I might POSSIBLY be able to take the train. The benefits are not quite as good on the insurance side (higher deductible, copays, percentage of responsibility, etc.), but we have ridiculously good insurance here (part of the reason I'm scared to leave) so I don't know if I will ever find something this good again and this potential position has better insurance than most.
Neutral: It is very similar to what I'm doing now so I would have to prove myself for a few years probably before I could be considered for advancement.
So we shall see. Next step would be to go back (should hear by early next week I'm hoping) and meet with some of the partners involved in the department. And then it is offer time. So we shall see how this all works out. I also have a call set up next week with someone at my current job about a global job (which I'm not really qualified for but asked the manager about it and career advice in general at our company) and am looking forward to at least hearing what she has to say. I at least had a positive experience with this interview, and for that I'm glad because it made me feel better about the world and my options in it! :) And now I'm excited to get to enjoy the weekend with my guys! Hope you all have a great one and fingers crossed that whatever is meant to be happens soon!
The "boss" of this position seemed awesome! She was very down to earth, has two little girls so understands the work/life balance needs, and is more in my working style with planning ahead and checking things off the list to get them done. She also doesn't like to micromanage people and is really looking for someone who will be a team player and help to drive some change. I really think we "clicked" and I'm hoping she thought so too. She introduced me to the other members of the team afterwards which I thought was a good sign as well, but who knows. The other person I met with was the HR leader of the group that this position hires into and she seemed really great too. She gave me hope as well because she said that she has been able to try out 4 different positions in the 6 years she has been there and is the type of person who likes to get in to a job, learn it, improve it, and move forward, and I think that's a little bit how I am as well. So it was encouraging to hear that they are at least "open" to that possibility unlike here where it is groundhogs day for eternity.
Pros: Really liked the people, the boss seems WAY better, there is a support staff of two additional people to help, I would have less crazy responsibility for a million and one things and would have the ability to concentrate more deeply on building relationships with the students and internal recruiters, possible career development opportunities available, supportive of continuing education, seem pretty flexible on hours and I read online (though they didn't mention it so maybe it doesn't apply to all staff) that they do flexible fridays during the summer where from Memorial Day to Labor Day you can work 9/80 and have every other Friday off!, better title
Cons: The office environment is a little more stuffy looking although it seems like the people are fun and they still do fun events and things. The office location is farther from home BUT our office is scheduled to move there or near there next year anyways and this office at least is on the side where I might POSSIBLY be able to take the train. The benefits are not quite as good on the insurance side (higher deductible, copays, percentage of responsibility, etc.), but we have ridiculously good insurance here (part of the reason I'm scared to leave) so I don't know if I will ever find something this good again and this potential position has better insurance than most.
Neutral: It is very similar to what I'm doing now so I would have to prove myself for a few years probably before I could be considered for advancement.
So we shall see. Next step would be to go back (should hear by early next week I'm hoping) and meet with some of the partners involved in the department. And then it is offer time. So we shall see how this all works out. I also have a call set up next week with someone at my current job about a global job (which I'm not really qualified for but asked the manager about it and career advice in general at our company) and am looking forward to at least hearing what she has to say. I at least had a positive experience with this interview, and for that I'm glad because it made me feel better about the world and my options in it! :) And now I'm excited to get to enjoy the weekend with my guys! Hope you all have a great one and fingers crossed that whatever is meant to be happens soon!
8.25.2011
Nervous
I'm about to leave for my interview. I took the day off to relax and get stuff done around the house. But it's now almost time to head downtown and check things out. I haven't been on a real live interview in over 6 years! I've done several phone interviews - some good, some bad I guess, but this will be the first time I will be face to face interviewing with a company. It's exciting but scary at the same time. I'm trying to just go in with an open mind. My goal is to get the offer because I can always say no. But even just receiving another opportunity (even if I can't take it) will boost my mood/confidence to keep on trying. So wish me luck and at least let me do well and then I can figure it out from there! Everything happens for a reason! :)
8.23.2011
Little Man
Yesterday my baby boy started kindergarten. I really can't believe that he is already big enough to be starting real school. It seems like only yesterday I was cuddling him in my arms as a sweet newborn. The time really does fly by! It makes me question a little bit what I'm doing with my life and if time goes by so quickly, am I happy with how I'm living it?
I am so very very proud of him. He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!). He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days. Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness. It was the cutest thing ever! I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do. He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.
Instead, I often just feel like crying. I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more. I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying. I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude. I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage. So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+. So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever. I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either. It's a terrible predicament.
I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger. So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that. At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home. But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends. It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends. Ugh! I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!
I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety. I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse. But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us. I am trying to be patient. I really am!
For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life. I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in. :)
I am so very very proud of him. He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!). He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days. Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness. It was the cutest thing ever! I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do. He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.
Instead, I often just feel like crying. I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more. I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying. I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude. I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage. So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+. So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever. I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either. It's a terrible predicament.
I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger. So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that. At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home. But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends. It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends. Ugh! I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!
I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety. I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse. But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us. I am trying to be patient. I really am!
For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life. I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in. :)
8.18.2011
Thank You
Thanks for your comments! They made me feel much better. I still have yet to hear back from them (so strange to me) and it's now one week since my interviews, but I'm trying not to think about it too much. In other good news, I received a call about another position yesterday (another good company) and did a phone interview that went well and they are setting up in-person interviews for me early next week. I don't think it's quite as an ideal situation as job #1 but still a great company and a better position than what I'm in now so it's worth a shot. Fingers crossed something great comes along for me soon! :)
Tonight is my son's "Meet the Teacher" night. I think we are all SUPER excited - I hope he/she is great! Of course I have to drive there and then back to downtown for a dinner tonight because my life couldn't get any busier/complicated if I tried! Ha! This morning one of my tires read really low so in my dress for work I filled it up and about to go check on it to make sure it's not going flat again. I'm hoping it was a random incident due to the heat!
In other good news, we tried out a church last Sunday that I've been wanting to try out for a long time, and we really liked it. I think we are going to go back again this Sunday and bring our son along this time and let him go to the Wee Worship that they have. Ha! Right now, I really need something like this in my life, so I'm glad it is starting to work out. Now I hope we can meet some great people there too because I'm getting really tired of all of my friends being crappy friends!!!
Other than that, not a whole lot else to report - just trying to survive day by day! Hope you all have a great rest of the week and hope to have good updates again soon. :)
Tonight is my son's "Meet the Teacher" night. I think we are all SUPER excited - I hope he/she is great! Of course I have to drive there and then back to downtown for a dinner tonight because my life couldn't get any busier/complicated if I tried! Ha! This morning one of my tires read really low so in my dress for work I filled it up and about to go check on it to make sure it's not going flat again. I'm hoping it was a random incident due to the heat!
In other good news, we tried out a church last Sunday that I've been wanting to try out for a long time, and we really liked it. I think we are going to go back again this Sunday and bring our son along this time and let him go to the Wee Worship that they have. Ha! Right now, I really need something like this in my life, so I'm glad it is starting to work out. Now I hope we can meet some great people there too because I'm getting really tired of all of my friends being crappy friends!!!
Other than that, not a whole lot else to report - just trying to survive day by day! Hope you all have a great rest of the week and hope to have good updates again soon. :)
8.16.2011
Heartbroken
Right now, I'm feeling heartbroken. I don't have a concrete reason yet because I haven't been told no yet, but I just have this feeling because I haven't heard anything at all that it's a no....
What I'm talking about is this set of interviews I had last week for a job that I would love to have. It would allow me to work from home up to 3 days a week, would like reduce my travel, and would finally give me the leadership and step-up opportunities I have so been craving. I've had 3 interviews now with 3 different people, the last two were last Thursday. And I really did think they went fabulously but maybe I always just think that and they are secretly hoping the call will end quickly!
I'm just confused because both of the Thursday interviews ended with how they thought we had such a great conversation and they seemed to be overly positive (which people wouldn't be too positive if that wasn't really the case). And although they haven't called or written to say no, they haven't called or written to say yes to meet with the last person, the boss of the position and the head honcho for the US. She is the one that had initially called me last Tuesday to ask if I wanted to set up the two additional interviews but I had only gotten a voicemail and never talked to her in person.
I sent an e-mail this morning to one of the ones I met with by phone last week and haven't received a response. I guess I should be happy with that since no response is better than we have decided to go a different direction. But for now, I am having a bad day/week/month and am deciding to be heartbroken instead. And write about it because it makes me feel better. If I could just forget about it for a little bit and see what happens, I would feel better. But that's really hard when misery is overwhelming me at work on a daily basis and I'm kind of at the edge of the brink here.
It will get better. I will stay positive. And even if this doesn't work out, it's because it's not meant to be and I will find something even better soon. Now if only I could convince my brain/heart of that as well! ;)
What I'm talking about is this set of interviews I had last week for a job that I would love to have. It would allow me to work from home up to 3 days a week, would like reduce my travel, and would finally give me the leadership and step-up opportunities I have so been craving. I've had 3 interviews now with 3 different people, the last two were last Thursday. And I really did think they went fabulously but maybe I always just think that and they are secretly hoping the call will end quickly!
I'm just confused because both of the Thursday interviews ended with how they thought we had such a great conversation and they seemed to be overly positive (which people wouldn't be too positive if that wasn't really the case). And although they haven't called or written to say no, they haven't called or written to say yes to meet with the last person, the boss of the position and the head honcho for the US. She is the one that had initially called me last Tuesday to ask if I wanted to set up the two additional interviews but I had only gotten a voicemail and never talked to her in person.
I sent an e-mail this morning to one of the ones I met with by phone last week and haven't received a response. I guess I should be happy with that since no response is better than we have decided to go a different direction. But for now, I am having a bad day/week/month and am deciding to be heartbroken instead. And write about it because it makes me feel better. If I could just forget about it for a little bit and see what happens, I would feel better. But that's really hard when misery is overwhelming me at work on a daily basis and I'm kind of at the edge of the brink here.
It will get better. I will stay positive. And even if this doesn't work out, it's because it's not meant to be and I will find something even better soon. Now if only I could convince my brain/heart of that as well! ;)
8.04.2011
Where Has the Time Gone?
Time flies these days. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a not so good way. I have a lot to write about but most of it is frustration so I've been avoiding writing because I don't want everyone to think of me as a negative person. I swear I'm not! I'm just ready for a change and my patience is wearing very thin with my work situation and yet there isn't much I can do about it. So I'm trying to suck it up and move forward and just hope that a positive change comes very soon!
On the positive side, we are on vacation this week at the beach. It's so relaxing. It's one thing I miss from growing up in Florida - the sound of the ocean and the way it can instaneously relax me. I wish it was closer so that when I'm stressed, I could just listen to the waves and relax. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to do it. I love spending time with my husband and son and not having to think about work too much (still have worked 1.5-2 hours each day but at least it's on my own time!). I love having time to read a good book (reading "One Day" this week and really enjoying it) and "sleeping in" a little bit until 7:30 or 8 and staying up a little later. I love enjoying all of the great seafood down here and get tanned at the beach and fishing and all of the fun things about this place.
I can't believe it but my son starts kindergarten in a few short weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. He has learned how to swim well this summer and is not afraid any more. He is doing so well with his school stuff and is excited about kindergarten which is great. I am a nerd and always loved school so I'm hoping he will feel the same. I hope he gets a great teacher!!!
My brief comment on work is that things are pretty much the same as before but EVEN WORSE because they have hired a complete idiot to be our employee in the other Texas office. She can't even use a computer properly. It's ridiculous. So instead of getting help, we are having to babysit someone and make things take longer. Good times! To top it off, every few weeks my boss randomly decides to yell at me for no reason whatsoever and I feel like I'm constantly under so much stress yet no additional pay or career path available. It's infuriating!
Before I left for vacation, my stress level had caused my shoulder/arm/back muscles to get so tense that I was having pains in my left arm which was then causing panic attacks because I of course thought I was having a heart attack or something. Luckily, I got a massage here on Monday and she was a lifesaver working it all out. I just hate what this job is doing to my body, but I also don't know when/if I can change it any time soon. I had a phone interview last week, but found out this week that they decided to not move forward with me for interviews. So I either stink at interviewing or they don't believe that I'm capable of as much as I am because the things my current work is doing to hold me back doesn't speak as highly of me as it should. Or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I need to resign myself to the fact that this is how things are and try to deal with it however I can for now.
We went to a church the weekend before we went out of town but didn't really like it. However, I'm really excited to try out another one not this weekend because we will just be getting home, but the next weekend I'm hoping we can go. I've heard it's great, I've watched a bunch of the sermons online, and I think it might be want we are looking for. Fingers crossed because I feel like I need that in my life right now (and wouldn't mind meeting some good people as many of our friends have been flaky lately!).
Also, if you haven't seen "Horrible Bosses" run to the theater now! I thought it was awesome. Be forewarned that there is a lot of bad language and "dirty" scenes, but it's HILARIOUS if you aren't offended by that type of thing. I think I love it so much because 1) I have a horrible boss myself! and 2) it is funny because it's so true to life on the idiosyncracies of work life.
I think that's all I've got for now - maybe I can keep up with this more by making time to write things out and hopefully that will help with the stress as well! I start traveling the week I get back (overnight trip to our other Texas office), then have one week off, and then start the next week with my heavy fall travel which will last through late October. Ugh! At least we are taking 2 days off in October for a mini-vacation with my parents during our son's fall break. For now, I'm going to enjoy the vacation - talk to you later!
P.S. Note to self - don't watch Shark Week when you're at the beach! My brother-in-law keeps putting it on and it's driving me crazy and making me scared to go into the ocean!
On the positive side, we are on vacation this week at the beach. It's so relaxing. It's one thing I miss from growing up in Florida - the sound of the ocean and the way it can instaneously relax me. I wish it was closer so that when I'm stressed, I could just listen to the waves and relax. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to do it. I love spending time with my husband and son and not having to think about work too much (still have worked 1.5-2 hours each day but at least it's on my own time!). I love having time to read a good book (reading "One Day" this week and really enjoying it) and "sleeping in" a little bit until 7:30 or 8 and staying up a little later. I love enjoying all of the great seafood down here and get tanned at the beach and fishing and all of the fun things about this place.
I can't believe it but my son starts kindergarten in a few short weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. He has learned how to swim well this summer and is not afraid any more. He is doing so well with his school stuff and is excited about kindergarten which is great. I am a nerd and always loved school so I'm hoping he will feel the same. I hope he gets a great teacher!!!
My brief comment on work is that things are pretty much the same as before but EVEN WORSE because they have hired a complete idiot to be our employee in the other Texas office. She can't even use a computer properly. It's ridiculous. So instead of getting help, we are having to babysit someone and make things take longer. Good times! To top it off, every few weeks my boss randomly decides to yell at me for no reason whatsoever and I feel like I'm constantly under so much stress yet no additional pay or career path available. It's infuriating!
Before I left for vacation, my stress level had caused my shoulder/arm/back muscles to get so tense that I was having pains in my left arm which was then causing panic attacks because I of course thought I was having a heart attack or something. Luckily, I got a massage here on Monday and she was a lifesaver working it all out. I just hate what this job is doing to my body, but I also don't know when/if I can change it any time soon. I had a phone interview last week, but found out this week that they decided to not move forward with me for interviews. So I either stink at interviewing or they don't believe that I'm capable of as much as I am because the things my current work is doing to hold me back doesn't speak as highly of me as it should. Or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I need to resign myself to the fact that this is how things are and try to deal with it however I can for now.
We went to a church the weekend before we went out of town but didn't really like it. However, I'm really excited to try out another one not this weekend because we will just be getting home, but the next weekend I'm hoping we can go. I've heard it's great, I've watched a bunch of the sermons online, and I think it might be want we are looking for. Fingers crossed because I feel like I need that in my life right now (and wouldn't mind meeting some good people as many of our friends have been flaky lately!).
Also, if you haven't seen "Horrible Bosses" run to the theater now! I thought it was awesome. Be forewarned that there is a lot of bad language and "dirty" scenes, but it's HILARIOUS if you aren't offended by that type of thing. I think I love it so much because 1) I have a horrible boss myself! and 2) it is funny because it's so true to life on the idiosyncracies of work life.
I think that's all I've got for now - maybe I can keep up with this more by making time to write things out and hopefully that will help with the stress as well! I start traveling the week I get back (overnight trip to our other Texas office), then have one week off, and then start the next week with my heavy fall travel which will last through late October. Ugh! At least we are taking 2 days off in October for a mini-vacation with my parents during our son's fall break. For now, I'm going to enjoy the vacation - talk to you later!
P.S. Note to self - don't watch Shark Week when you're at the beach! My brother-in-law keeps putting it on and it's driving me crazy and making me scared to go into the ocean!
6.09.2011
So much to write, so little time
Lately, I just haven't felt like I've had any time. I haven't had time for blogging, I haven't had time for working out, I haven't had time for reading, or me time, or hubby time, and barely any kiddo time. I just feel like I'm going 100 miles a minute in all directions and trying to keep up. That may explain why I took a 3 hour nap last Saturday because my body just couldn't do it all any more...too bad I still don't feel rested!!! ;)
I will try to remember all of the things I've been wanting to blog about, but just couldn't take the time. So here goes....
-Last Tuesday when I was in Boston, I was walking back to my hotel to get some work done from my room for the afternoon, and I happened to jump on FB on my phone. And through FB which has to be the absolute most difficult way, I found out that my good friend from high school, the one with the brain tumor who had tried to kill himself last fall I think it was, had died. The brain cancer had finally taken him. And no one called me...probably because I haven't been the best friend I could be lately. Which made me feel even worse. Because I should have called at least. Or I should have visited. The last time we "talked" was by e-mail in May, but I should have made the time to at least pick up the phone. Because now I can never talk to him again. And that makes me really really sad. I was shaking by the time I got on the elevator and up to my room, called our other friend and asked him what happened, and then spent the next hour or so sobbing alone in my room. I actually cried on and off all that week and still thining about it makes me want to cry. I was looking through pictures from high school and our wedding, and I just still can't believe he's gone. It really makes me think about life and how short it can be and how things can change so quickly. It was only 5 years ago that he got diagnosed, and while that was a long time for him to live with brain cancer, it was way too short to lose him at age 32. RIP Phil - you will be missed more than you know!
-With the bad news that week, I also got some really great news as well. On Thursday evening, I was selected for the "Recruiting Excellence Award" for the Americas. This basically means I was selected as the top recruiter out of all of the North & South American recruiters in our company. It was a huge honor and I'm excited that I will have a little trophy on my desk and my name up in Boston as well as a nice little bonus in my bank account. It made me really proud because after all of the b.s. I've been through here at work, it was nice to be finally recognized. Funny thing is that my boss has still NOT congratulated me even though she was sitting across from me at the table when I received it and numerous other people have congratulated me as soon as they found out. It's despicable really and makes me really sad/frustrated, but there isn't anything I can do about that and the awesome thing is this is one thing I got 100% on my own and it was out of her control and she can NEVER take it away from me!!!! Hopefully it will help on my resume if nothing else!
-We had really bad storms a few weeks ago so we had to replace our new fence in addition to the updates we did on our son's room. I'm thankful that we had the money to do it but annoyed to have to spend it that way! :) I'm just glad we didn't have more damage though!!!
-As I mentioned above, I'm struggling with this time thing. So I haven't had time to blog/comment as much, and I'm annoyed with blogger because I've had a hard time commenting on other people's blogs. But please keep reading and know I'm reading yours even if I can't post. I enjoy reading your comments!
-If anyone has good ideas on how to work in really good exercise in your schedule, let me know ha! Also, I'm contemplating a masters degree which part of me wants for the satisfaction of learning, but the other part of me knows it's a big cost and I want to know it would actually pay off! I am still looking for direction in my career/work life.
-I mentioned this before, but I really really want to start looking at churches. We have done this before and I've struggled to find one that I enjoy, but I would love to go to meet new people and renew my faith. I need something positive in my life these days with lots of death and drama. Hopefully we can get to that soon - maybe this weekend!
Hope you all are doing well and hope to get on here more often. Just need to find the time...(or win the lottery!).
I will try to remember all of the things I've been wanting to blog about, but just couldn't take the time. So here goes....
-Last Tuesday when I was in Boston, I was walking back to my hotel to get some work done from my room for the afternoon, and I happened to jump on FB on my phone. And through FB which has to be the absolute most difficult way, I found out that my good friend from high school, the one with the brain tumor who had tried to kill himself last fall I think it was, had died. The brain cancer had finally taken him. And no one called me...probably because I haven't been the best friend I could be lately. Which made me feel even worse. Because I should have called at least. Or I should have visited. The last time we "talked" was by e-mail in May, but I should have made the time to at least pick up the phone. Because now I can never talk to him again. And that makes me really really sad. I was shaking by the time I got on the elevator and up to my room, called our other friend and asked him what happened, and then spent the next hour or so sobbing alone in my room. I actually cried on and off all that week and still thining about it makes me want to cry. I was looking through pictures from high school and our wedding, and I just still can't believe he's gone. It really makes me think about life and how short it can be and how things can change so quickly. It was only 5 years ago that he got diagnosed, and while that was a long time for him to live with brain cancer, it was way too short to lose him at age 32. RIP Phil - you will be missed more than you know!
-With the bad news that week, I also got some really great news as well. On Thursday evening, I was selected for the "Recruiting Excellence Award" for the Americas. This basically means I was selected as the top recruiter out of all of the North & South American recruiters in our company. It was a huge honor and I'm excited that I will have a little trophy on my desk and my name up in Boston as well as a nice little bonus in my bank account. It made me really proud because after all of the b.s. I've been through here at work, it was nice to be finally recognized. Funny thing is that my boss has still NOT congratulated me even though she was sitting across from me at the table when I received it and numerous other people have congratulated me as soon as they found out. It's despicable really and makes me really sad/frustrated, but there isn't anything I can do about that and the awesome thing is this is one thing I got 100% on my own and it was out of her control and she can NEVER take it away from me!!!! Hopefully it will help on my resume if nothing else!
-We had really bad storms a few weeks ago so we had to replace our new fence in addition to the updates we did on our son's room. I'm thankful that we had the money to do it but annoyed to have to spend it that way! :) I'm just glad we didn't have more damage though!!!
-As I mentioned above, I'm struggling with this time thing. So I haven't had time to blog/comment as much, and I'm annoyed with blogger because I've had a hard time commenting on other people's blogs. But please keep reading and know I'm reading yours even if I can't post. I enjoy reading your comments!
-If anyone has good ideas on how to work in really good exercise in your schedule, let me know ha! Also, I'm contemplating a masters degree which part of me wants for the satisfaction of learning, but the other part of me knows it's a big cost and I want to know it would actually pay off! I am still looking for direction in my career/work life.
-I mentioned this before, but I really really want to start looking at churches. We have done this before and I've struggled to find one that I enjoy, but I would love to go to meet new people and renew my faith. I need something positive in my life these days with lots of death and drama. Hopefully we can get to that soon - maybe this weekend!
Hope you all are doing well and hope to get on here more often. Just need to find the time...(or win the lottery!).
5.10.2011
Things I Have Learned So Far This Week
1) I miss my son and husband more than I thought possible. These past three weeks of chaos and travel are starting to take their toll and I can't wait to be home this weekend and for the next two weeks at least!
2) Watching TV in real time is for the birds (miss my DVR!).
3) "True Grit" is a pretty good movie (the new one - never have seen the old one) and I'm thankful to have a movie on this flight since it's so long and I was by myself!
4) Traveling is much more fun when you have someone with you.
5) I am so thankful I live in the south - it's cold up here still - it's mid-May people!!!
6) My intuition about people is usually spot on
7) When you get a feeling something is wrong with one of your friends, you should definitely try to contact them to make sure everything is okay - there's usually a reason you feel this way.
8) I work WAY too hard and sacrifice WAY too much for the treatment I receive my immediate boss and the $$ I make.
9) Some things will never change - no matter how much I try to be positive at times about things at work, they continue to let me down over and over.
10) If nothing else this week, I'm benefiting from meeting more people, gaining a new perspective on other's experiences, getting out of the office and away from my boss for the week, and increasing my marketability by learning better presentation skills, more team dynamics, and how to build a major technological application for a global firm. :)
Hope you all are having a good week - trying to be positive and keep a running list of the "positives" by putting into the perspective of learning!
2) Watching TV in real time is for the birds (miss my DVR!).
3) "True Grit" is a pretty good movie (the new one - never have seen the old one) and I'm thankful to have a movie on this flight since it's so long and I was by myself!
4) Traveling is much more fun when you have someone with you.
5) I am so thankful I live in the south - it's cold up here still - it's mid-May people!!!
6) My intuition about people is usually spot on
7) When you get a feeling something is wrong with one of your friends, you should definitely try to contact them to make sure everything is okay - there's usually a reason you feel this way.
8) I work WAY too hard and sacrifice WAY too much for the treatment I receive my immediate boss and the $$ I make.
9) Some things will never change - no matter how much I try to be positive at times about things at work, they continue to let me down over and over.
10) If nothing else this week, I'm benefiting from meeting more people, gaining a new perspective on other's experiences, getting out of the office and away from my boss for the week, and increasing my marketability by learning better presentation skills, more team dynamics, and how to build a major technological application for a global firm. :)
Hope you all are having a good week - trying to be positive and keep a running list of the "positives" by putting into the perspective of learning!
4.15.2011
I Give Up
I haven't written for a few days mainly because I am just not sure what to say. I am frustrated, angry, and sad all at the same time. My review on Wednesday was one of the hardest days of my life, and it has taken every ounce of strength in my body to show up to work all day long every day since then because the stress is just overly burdening my body. But it's Friday and in about 4 hours, I plan to leave this place for the weekend, go see my friend who had a baby yesterday (yay for babies!), and enjoy a relaxing weekend with my friends and family. I couldn't be more ready for this!
I have been praying a lot lately for things to get better, and yesterday I received a fortune cookie that said "Happier days are definitely ahead for you." So I have put it in my wallet right in the front with my driver's license so I can open it and stare at it whenever I start feeling down. I'm ready for those happier days...let's hope they get here sooner than later!
I have been praying a lot lately for things to get better, and yesterday I received a fortune cookie that said "Happier days are definitely ahead for you." So I have put it in my wallet right in the front with my driver's license so I can open it and stare at it whenever I start feeling down. I'm ready for those happier days...let's hope they get here sooner than later!
4.13.2011
Tick tock
Hmm...I haven't written in a few days mainly because I haven't had much positive to say and I don't want you all to think I'm such a negative person. I know I have definitely been very negative lately, but that's not really me at all. And it makes me even angrier at my work that they are making me into this bitter, angry person! (which just sounds silly to say but it's the truth) So I'm trying...trying not to focus on the negatives and focus on the positives, trying not to care as much about the things that are hurtful that go on around here and just show up for work and earn my paycheck and benefits, trying to figure out what's next for me and how to make it happen, trying to have patience to wait it out and find out what is in store for me. I know there is a plan, just can't wait to see where that plan will take me. It's time...
After delaying my review for days/weeks, I am finally scheduled to have my review in 1.5 hours. I am dreading it. Moreso because it is never a good thing here. Actually, let me rephrase that - it hasn't been a good thing for the past few years. Funny thing is that when I was brand new to the job and knew nothing about recruiting, I always got the highest rating, etc. Now suddenly, when I've been here almost 6 years and am lightyears ahead of where I was before, I never seem to be able to get the highest rating (2nd hightest but still). And after the year I've had where I worked my butt off in both my regular job, the job I am doing for our GLOBAL recruiting team, AND for my local office in setting up a new mentorship program and training program, I find it hilarious that I likely will not be getting the highest rating. Actually not hilarious - just infuriating!
I also hate it because my boss typically hands me the review, tells me to read it while she stares at me (awkward!!!) and then wants to "talk about" which involves me having to push her on things I have questions about, her not having any answers, and her getting offended that I'm asking...I can't wait! Here's hoping I can live through the next few hours and just have this bs over with! Then maybe I can try to adjust my attitude to deal with this place for the temporary time being and keep working to find something new for the future. Wish me luck!
After delaying my review for days/weeks, I am finally scheduled to have my review in 1.5 hours. I am dreading it. Moreso because it is never a good thing here. Actually, let me rephrase that - it hasn't been a good thing for the past few years. Funny thing is that when I was brand new to the job and knew nothing about recruiting, I always got the highest rating, etc. Now suddenly, when I've been here almost 6 years and am lightyears ahead of where I was before, I never seem to be able to get the highest rating (2nd hightest but still). And after the year I've had where I worked my butt off in both my regular job, the job I am doing for our GLOBAL recruiting team, AND for my local office in setting up a new mentorship program and training program, I find it hilarious that I likely will not be getting the highest rating. Actually not hilarious - just infuriating!
I also hate it because my boss typically hands me the review, tells me to read it while she stares at me (awkward!!!) and then wants to "talk about" which involves me having to push her on things I have questions about, her not having any answers, and her getting offended that I'm asking...I can't wait! Here's hoping I can live through the next few hours and just have this bs over with! Then maybe I can try to adjust my attitude to deal with this place for the temporary time being and keep working to find something new for the future. Wish me luck!
4.08.2011
War of My Life
I'm trying to listen to my iPod right now to not think of all the things in my head and the John Mayer song, "War of My Life" is on and I am just thinking about how appropriate it is right now. I know it's dumb, but I really think I am in the war of my life right now. I feel like I'm fighting for everything these days, mainly related to work and my future career.
I told you this was going to be a stressful week because it's review time and every one is stressed out and crazy. I went into this week thinking that if I could just survive this week, it would all be over and done with and I could move on in whatever direction God had planned for me. But unfortunately I was wrong!
I still have yet to have my review - in fact it hasn't even been schedule despite the fact that it was in our original process for HR that all reviews were to be delivered between April 1st and April 8th. Yesterday, my coworker got ballsy enough to ask when our reviews might be and my boss said "Oh I thought I would do them next week." Um okay but why?! And if we hadn't asked, were you planning on sharing that piece of information? My boss told us then "How's Monday?", we said Ok and it is YET to be calendared for either of us. All this despite the fact that my coworker got promoted and found out by looking on our internal peoplefinder program that she had gotten promoted, not because our boss actually TOLD her. And I heard from my counterpart in LA who actually did get her review on Monday morning that they may be changing us back from exempt to non-exempt again so I have no clue what that means for my salary, etc.
Additionally, our boss got HER review yesterday directly across the hall from us (her boss sits directly across from my coworker/my office and our offices both have glass walls so you can see directly across from one to the other). Must be nice! I was stupid and got my hopes up that they would ACTUALLY take the feedback they asked for and had received and do something about it, but it doesn't seem that way. She is like a slippery seal and gets by with everything and I work my @$$ off and get nothing. Fair huh?! :)
Additionally, she had a meeting with my other two bosses this morning and didn't invite me. Not sure why or what it was about - I was hoping that meant they had actually decided to take her off my direct report and that she was talking about it with them before talking to me. But she left that meeting and came into another meeting that I was supposed to be leading and proceeded to try to take over my meeting, change up things I was working on and had already talked to her about, and genuinely giving the impression that she was running the show when an hour before she hadn't a clue or care about what was going on. So now I'm afraid that the direct OPPOSITE of what I wanted is going to happen and now she will micromanage me again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic - I really am not, but there are certain things that need to happen to make this job tolerable again. I have woken up twice this week (once this morning, once on Tuesday morning I think it was?) at 3 in the morning and while I am no longer having panic attacks as well, I just lie there in bed awake for about 2 hours thinking about everything and then fall back to sleep for about an hour before I have to get up for work. I may be goofy but I don't believe that a job should cause that much stress that it is waking you up in the middle of the night. But what do I know?!
I just don't know how much longer I can take this. However, our family really relies on my income and benefits, so I'm going to have to find something really good before I can go somewhere else. But I am just going to start looking even harder and praying about it, and I know that something will come along one way or another. God is testing me for a reason, just ready to find out what it is and why. Of course all of this comes right before my hubby's birthday (his birthday is actually on Monday), so I'm trying my hardest to get it all out of my system before I get home tonight so that I can *try* to be happy and celebrate with him. He doesn't deserve to be punished for my crappy situation at work, so I need to get a better attitude before then (hence the need for my angry blog! ha!).
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend and hope I can survive another few days of this chaos and then can figure out what's next!
I told you this was going to be a stressful week because it's review time and every one is stressed out and crazy. I went into this week thinking that if I could just survive this week, it would all be over and done with and I could move on in whatever direction God had planned for me. But unfortunately I was wrong!
I still have yet to have my review - in fact it hasn't even been schedule despite the fact that it was in our original process for HR that all reviews were to be delivered between April 1st and April 8th. Yesterday, my coworker got ballsy enough to ask when our reviews might be and my boss said "Oh I thought I would do them next week." Um okay but why?! And if we hadn't asked, were you planning on sharing that piece of information? My boss told us then "How's Monday?", we said Ok and it is YET to be calendared for either of us. All this despite the fact that my coworker got promoted and found out by looking on our internal peoplefinder program that she had gotten promoted, not because our boss actually TOLD her. And I heard from my counterpart in LA who actually did get her review on Monday morning that they may be changing us back from exempt to non-exempt again so I have no clue what that means for my salary, etc.
Additionally, our boss got HER review yesterday directly across the hall from us (her boss sits directly across from my coworker/my office and our offices both have glass walls so you can see directly across from one to the other). Must be nice! I was stupid and got my hopes up that they would ACTUALLY take the feedback they asked for and had received and do something about it, but it doesn't seem that way. She is like a slippery seal and gets by with everything and I work my @$$ off and get nothing. Fair huh?! :)
Additionally, she had a meeting with my other two bosses this morning and didn't invite me. Not sure why or what it was about - I was hoping that meant they had actually decided to take her off my direct report and that she was talking about it with them before talking to me. But she left that meeting and came into another meeting that I was supposed to be leading and proceeded to try to take over my meeting, change up things I was working on and had already talked to her about, and genuinely giving the impression that she was running the show when an hour before she hadn't a clue or care about what was going on. So now I'm afraid that the direct OPPOSITE of what I wanted is going to happen and now she will micromanage me again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic - I really am not, but there are certain things that need to happen to make this job tolerable again. I have woken up twice this week (once this morning, once on Tuesday morning I think it was?) at 3 in the morning and while I am no longer having panic attacks as well, I just lie there in bed awake for about 2 hours thinking about everything and then fall back to sleep for about an hour before I have to get up for work. I may be goofy but I don't believe that a job should cause that much stress that it is waking you up in the middle of the night. But what do I know?!
I just don't know how much longer I can take this. However, our family really relies on my income and benefits, so I'm going to have to find something really good before I can go somewhere else. But I am just going to start looking even harder and praying about it, and I know that something will come along one way or another. God is testing me for a reason, just ready to find out what it is and why. Of course all of this comes right before my hubby's birthday (his birthday is actually on Monday), so I'm trying my hardest to get it all out of my system before I get home tonight so that I can *try* to be happy and celebrate with him. He doesn't deserve to be punished for my crappy situation at work, so I need to get a better attitude before then (hence the need for my angry blog! ha!).
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend and hope I can survive another few days of this chaos and then can figure out what's next!
3.28.2011
I'm Back!
I can honestly say that this is the first trip in a REALLY long time where I actually enjoyed myself 100% and had a true vacation. It was so wonderful not thinking about the bs of life on a daily basis. I didn't worry about money or work or Cooper's school or any of the things that cause me stress on a daily basis. I just enjoyed time with my two guys and my family and it was great. We relaxed most days going shopping and then to the beach and pool, and the weather was awesome every day except for Friday which is pretty great! I wish every vacation and day could be so carefree and fun.
Of course, we got home on Saturday night and were slapped with reality on Sunday with cold, rainy weather, Austin injuring himself a bit (luckily just a minor sprain of his calf) on his half marathon, and the $$$!!! bill at the pet hotel from putting the dog up for the week we were gone. Oh and then grocery bills at the store and Sam's...and now this morning back to the craziness that I call work.
I tried not to think about work much while I was gone and it was nice as it has been consuming my life in many ways lately. Of course, I have come right back to the time which will be rough as I will be likely getting my review and piddly raise sometime in the next two weeks. Also, I'm just not sure what to do and I hate this helpless feeling. I don't think I'm being treated fairly here and have no opportunities for advancement and have an annoying boss who doesn't care about my career at all and lets the whole office steamroll us without ever pushing back. And yet I have some of the best benefits you can imagine with our insurance and vacation and things which will be hard to find somewhere else and are very important to our family with my hubby's Type 1 diabetes and my endometriosis. It just sucks to be stuck. I would be fine if there was something here that I can move into or some change I could consider, but as of right now, there is nothing. So I either have to just deal or try to find something else which is equally as good and will probably take forever to find. What a mess!
The weather is kind of crappy here this week, but I'm looking forward to this weekend as I get to meet up with Allison & the Architect for dinner on Friday night and some other friends on Saturday night. Lots of laundry to do too but it was worth it for the fun we had last week! :)
I need some motivation. I wonder what classes I could take and get the company to cover this year! :)
Of course, we got home on Saturday night and were slapped with reality on Sunday with cold, rainy weather, Austin injuring himself a bit (luckily just a minor sprain of his calf) on his half marathon, and the $$$!!! bill at the pet hotel from putting the dog up for the week we were gone. Oh and then grocery bills at the store and Sam's...and now this morning back to the craziness that I call work.
I tried not to think about work much while I was gone and it was nice as it has been consuming my life in many ways lately. Of course, I have come right back to the time which will be rough as I will be likely getting my review and piddly raise sometime in the next two weeks. Also, I'm just not sure what to do and I hate this helpless feeling. I don't think I'm being treated fairly here and have no opportunities for advancement and have an annoying boss who doesn't care about my career at all and lets the whole office steamroll us without ever pushing back. And yet I have some of the best benefits you can imagine with our insurance and vacation and things which will be hard to find somewhere else and are very important to our family with my hubby's Type 1 diabetes and my endometriosis. It just sucks to be stuck. I would be fine if there was something here that I can move into or some change I could consider, but as of right now, there is nothing. So I either have to just deal or try to find something else which is equally as good and will probably take forever to find. What a mess!
The weather is kind of crappy here this week, but I'm looking forward to this weekend as I get to meet up with Allison & the Architect for dinner on Friday night and some other friends on Saturday night. Lots of laundry to do too but it was worth it for the fun we had last week! :)
I need some motivation. I wonder what classes I could take and get the company to cover this year! :)
3.09.2011
I'm starting to think I just need to give up
I guess I really just need to stop complaining and give up caring. Because that seems to be my only option left. My parents, my in-laws, and even my husband think I need to be more "grateful" for the job I have and that I just need to stick it out. It makes me want to scream!!!! I didn't work my ass off in high school and college and for all of these years to just be grateful for the fact that I'm getting taken advantage of by my company and sit around treading water. I can't even fathom sitting in this same spot for another 5 years. Are you kidding me?! Something has to give so I guess it's going to have to be me.
I'm just going to have to not care. Come to work by 8:30 and leave at 5:30. Anything that can't get done in those hours, I can't stress about. If my performance/service isn't as good, so be it and I guess it doesn't really matter because even when I work my ass off it gets me nowhere. It's a terrible attitude to have but I don't know what else to do. I am STUCK because of benefits, because it's an otherwise good place to work (other than getting jipped on $$ and career path).
We had a meeting yesterday saying that we will all likely get a 3% raise this year (our reviews are in the beginning of April). 3%?! In 2009, we got 0% because of the economy, last year everyone else got 2% (when I got -5% due to losing my OT), and now this year 3%. So not only will that not even cover the amount I LOST last year (so now I will make less in 2010 & 2011 than I did in 2008 & 2009 and no I didn't lose my job or get demoted - I actually got PROMOTED), but it also will probably not even cover the cost of living increases since the last time I got a raise in 2008 nor the enormous gas bill I now have every week from gas prices being through the roof. Oh and let's not even get into the fact that I'm fairly certain they are going to move our freaking office even further away from where I live in the next year or so!!!!
But I should just be grateful. I probably sound like a spoiled brat because I am grateful to have a job and to make money and to have stability. But because I have those things, I should just lie down and sit in misery? I don't work the hours I do, give up the time and travel away from my family and my son that I do, or give up my weekends during the summer that I do or even deal with the stress that I have to deal with in my job on a daily basis for NOTHING. Oh and let's not even talk about the time I have given up on my VACATIONS, or when I was SICK, or even when I was on MEDICAL LEAVE, and I still had to work my ass off. If I'm going to sacrifice, it needs to be for a reason. A real promotion or extra money, not out of the goodness of my heart because I need to be grateful.
So I guess I'm just going to give up and keep taking it up the tailpipe until I'm allowed to be ungrateful again!
I'm just going to have to not care. Come to work by 8:30 and leave at 5:30. Anything that can't get done in those hours, I can't stress about. If my performance/service isn't as good, so be it and I guess it doesn't really matter because even when I work my ass off it gets me nowhere. It's a terrible attitude to have but I don't know what else to do. I am STUCK because of benefits, because it's an otherwise good place to work (other than getting jipped on $$ and career path).
We had a meeting yesterday saying that we will all likely get a 3% raise this year (our reviews are in the beginning of April). 3%?! In 2009, we got 0% because of the economy, last year everyone else got 2% (when I got -5% due to losing my OT), and now this year 3%. So not only will that not even cover the amount I LOST last year (so now I will make less in 2010 & 2011 than I did in 2008 & 2009 and no I didn't lose my job or get demoted - I actually got PROMOTED), but it also will probably not even cover the cost of living increases since the last time I got a raise in 2008 nor the enormous gas bill I now have every week from gas prices being through the roof. Oh and let's not even get into the fact that I'm fairly certain they are going to move our freaking office even further away from where I live in the next year or so!!!!
But I should just be grateful. I probably sound like a spoiled brat because I am grateful to have a job and to make money and to have stability. But because I have those things, I should just lie down and sit in misery? I don't work the hours I do, give up the time and travel away from my family and my son that I do, or give up my weekends during the summer that I do or even deal with the stress that I have to deal with in my job on a daily basis for NOTHING. Oh and let's not even talk about the time I have given up on my VACATIONS, or when I was SICK, or even when I was on MEDICAL LEAVE, and I still had to work my ass off. If I'm going to sacrifice, it needs to be for a reason. A real promotion or extra money, not out of the goodness of my heart because I need to be grateful.
So I guess I'm just going to give up and keep taking it up the tailpipe until I'm allowed to be ungrateful again!
3.03.2011
Stuck
After reading GFF's post today, I was so happy for her that she has found her happy place. And then I started about thinking about what would get me to find my happy place. I feel like for the most part I try to be a happy person and appreciate the wonderful blessings we have in our life. But I am often get bogged down in worry and defeat and end up feeling stuck. It's a terrible feeling, one that I want out of my life forever, but that's just not realistic I guess. Just ready for a shift to the more positive!
I've been thinking a lot lately about what to do with my career. And I'm sure the few, if any, readers I have are tired of me talking about work. But it's a place where I spend a TON of my time, and right now it's just not making me happy. Don't get me wrong, there are some definite good things in my job - I enjoy what I actually do for the most part, just hate some of the circumstances that are involved with doing it. However, when I think about what my other options are, I just can't move forward to see any. Right now, I do campus recruiting - I had a few calls randomly this week about agency or high volume type recruiting, but I just really don't see myself being interested in that type of work.
So now the question is: is that my only option if I stay in this field? And if it is and it doesn't appeal to me, then what next? It is so frustrating to be in these shoes. I feel like here I am, almost 10 years after graduating from college (yikes!) and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't remember anyone telling me when I was younger how difficult it would be to manage my career. I guess it would be easier if I knew I was passionate about a certain career - like if I wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or teacher. But I guess I still don't really know what I want to do or be. All I know is I can't imagine my life in this same spot for another 5 years, which is where I feel I will be stuck if I stay. I wish there was a test you could take and it would help guide you. I just have many interests and every time I think I find a path, there is a roadblock. I just hope I can get unstuck soon....
I've been thinking a lot lately about what to do with my career. And I'm sure the few, if any, readers I have are tired of me talking about work. But it's a place where I spend a TON of my time, and right now it's just not making me happy. Don't get me wrong, there are some definite good things in my job - I enjoy what I actually do for the most part, just hate some of the circumstances that are involved with doing it. However, when I think about what my other options are, I just can't move forward to see any. Right now, I do campus recruiting - I had a few calls randomly this week about agency or high volume type recruiting, but I just really don't see myself being interested in that type of work.
So now the question is: is that my only option if I stay in this field? And if it is and it doesn't appeal to me, then what next? It is so frustrating to be in these shoes. I feel like here I am, almost 10 years after graduating from college (yikes!) and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't remember anyone telling me when I was younger how difficult it would be to manage my career. I guess it would be easier if I knew I was passionate about a certain career - like if I wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or teacher. But I guess I still don't really know what I want to do or be. All I know is I can't imagine my life in this same spot for another 5 years, which is where I feel I will be stuck if I stay. I wish there was a test you could take and it would help guide you. I just have many interests and every time I think I find a path, there is a roadblock. I just hope I can get unstuck soon....
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