Little Man

Yesterday my baby boy started kindergarten.  I really can't believe that he is already big enough to be starting real school.  It seems like only yesterday I was cuddling him in my arms as a sweet newborn.  The time really does fly by!  It makes me question a little bit what I'm doing with my life and if time goes by so quickly, am I happy with how I'm living it? 

I am so very very proud of him.  He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!).  He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days.  Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness.  It was the cutest thing ever!  I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do.  He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.

Instead, I often just feel like crying.  I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more.  I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying.  I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude.  I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage.  So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+.  So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever.  I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either.  It's a terrible predicament.

I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger.  So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that.  At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home.  But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends.  It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends.  Ugh!  I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!

I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety.  I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse.  But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us.  I am trying to be patient.  I really am! 

For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life.  I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in.  :)

Check another box

I spent the good majority of yesterday afternoon reading and studying for my last class, and I'm happy to say that I'm finished!  I have now passed all 3 classes and will receive my Masters Certificate in HR Management soon.  I'm really happy that I accomplished everything I have in the past 4 months, and I am hopeful this is a sign that good things will continue to come!  :)  It felt so good to finish, and then I got to spend the night with my loves at a yummy dinner at one of my favorite Tex-Mex places and watching the hot air balloons light up and then some fireworks at a local festival.  Great day!  Today is Cowboys football watching, laundry & cleaning, and hopefully some reading and relaxing too!  Let the good times continue!

Quick update

I don't have a whole lot of time to post today because our M*B*A intern group just started today and I'm trying to help out where I can.  Things are good again with my son's school - had a great talk with the supervisor of his area and the assistant director of the school so I'm feeling much better about him staying there both in the short and long term.  They were very open and honest about the changes (wish they would have just been from the start), and I feel safe and satisfied with him being there for another year until he starts kindergarten next fall.

Yesterday, I kind of got overwhelmed with everything that is going on.  I think it's really hitting me how much extra time I am having to devote to my work and give up with my family and extra "me time."  And since I am no longer eligible to make extra money to be at the events, it seems even more frustrating and time-consuming.  We are just really busy right now and I can't wait until July when we have 11 days to ourselves away from computers and work and everything else.  Hopefully my parents will behave and we can have an amazing trip!  :)  One month from tomorrow we leave for Alaska!

I am hopeful that I can pass this exam at the end of June, but I know it is very difficult and I'm trying to study as hard as I can without putting too much pressure on myself just in case.  I want to pass and succeed and use it to get out of here, but if I don't, I can always take it again at the end of the year and I still have my masters certificate for my resume regardless.  Deep breaths! 

Okay that's all for now - hope you all had a great weekend and I'm hoping this week goes quickly and easily!

I am slowing going crazy....1,2,3,4,5,6 switch!

When I was little, we had this silly song that we used to sing in music class that has always stuck in my head for some reason.  And right now I feel like I am slowing going crazy so the song pops into my head several times a day.  Why you may ask?  For a few reasons that I'm about to tell you whether you want me to or not!  The first is that I am extremely bored at this time of year.  I like being busy.  I like being productive.  And right now, I'm not really able to be either.  It's not that busy because this is our "slow" time at work until the summer program starts in June, and I'm not able to be productive because the few things I have to work on need to be run through my boss and she is ignoring my e-mails and is generally doing nothing as well.  Ergo, I can't be productive either.  It is infuriating! 

So I've used the opportunity, even though I feel guilty about it, to do some of my school work on company time.  I wouldn't normally do that, but rather than just sit here and be bored and do nothing all day, at least I'm learning.  And that is one thing that is going well.  I am enjoying my class so far and have found it enlightening and informative which are all good things.  I finished the first module which was scheduled for two weeks in about 5 days including taking the test for that module and scoring 100%!  So I'm happy that I took the steps to get that done.  :)

Another thing that is slowly driving me crazy is the fact that I have yet to have my review (or even to have it scheduled).  Last year at this time, when it didn't even matter because we weren't getting any raises or anything, I had already received my review by this point in time.  This year, I apparently finally got the promotion I should have received!  However, I don't know anything about the terms (it will switch me from non-exempt to exempt) and I found out because the internal people finder says my updated title and my timecard changed on Monday when I submitted from last week.  But did my boss say a word to me?  NO NOT A PEEP!  It is probably the most disrespectful thing she could have done, and I can't wait until the officewide meeting when they will probably announce my promotion and I still won't have received my comp letter or review.  I have no idea when I will get paid again (non-exempt gets paid weekly, exempt is only twice a month) or how much I am now making.  It is just so poor managing it amazes me.

Along with that, I was sort of secretly hoping that they would realize what a poor manager I have and do something about it this review cycle.  But I am feeling fairly confident that I am going to have to continue to deal with this situation for awhile longer.  It makes me want to scream or cry in frustration on an almost daily basis and when it's busy it is very counterproductive to getting work done.  I don't know how I will do it.  I know I can because I have dealt with it for some time now, but it is the one thing that makes my job extra miserable.  I think without that frustrating, stressful situation, I would be happy at work.  I wish this would resolve, and I feel like my patience has been tested long enough.  But I will just keep waiting and hoping for something good to come along!

In addition, I feel helpless for my husband's situation.  His work is driving him nuts and it affects both him and me/our son on an almost daily basis.  For some reason, he is too afraid to even apply to another job, to even see what other options he might have.  I hope he can be brave enough to push his boundaries and take this next step.  I am ready for us both to have a change in this area of our lives so that it can be less crushing on the rest of our lives. 

Here's hoping to good things ahead and that I don't actually go crazy!  j/k  ;)

Going back to school!

Woohoo!  After much waiting and complaining and worrying, they have approved my tuition reimbursement to take my masters certificate classes.  :)  So by October, I will have completed all three and can study to take the PHR in December/January.  I'm looking forward to this next step in my journey.  I hope it's not too overwhelming or hard, but yet challenging.  I think that no matter what, it will give me the chance to explore other opportunities in my field in case I want to stay within the area but in a different type of role in the future as well as add something to my resume.  And the best part is that it's free because the company is paying for it 100%.  It's about time that I get something great out of the deal!  Ha!  :)  My son also had a GREAT 4-year-old checkup this morning and had a great day at school afterwards, and I also found out that his teacher has been asked to move up to PreK5 next year, so he may get to have her again in the fall!  I hope it all works out - today has been a good day (other than my hubby's whining about his sore throat - ha!). 

Sleepy Day

Last night, I didn't get very much sleep at all.  I went to bed at a pretty decent time, but first I had a hard time falling asleep.  I read for a little while, then got on the computer for a little while, and then finally when the sleep timer went off, I decided I would try to sleep.  My husband fell asleep before me (which RARELY happens), and he had a cold from the weather changing so he was miserable all night.  He then proceeded to make me miserable in turn all night by tossing and turning and moaning and complaining about how he didn't feel well.  I swear, men are the biggest wimps when it comes to being sick.  They get a little cold and they act like the world is ending.  At least it's supposed to start warming up today, and hopefully the warm weather will stick around this time.

I have had a hard time motivating myself at work lately.  There are a lot of factors to this.  One is the fact that we aren't all that busy this time of year, so it is really hard for me to focus on the few things I do need to get done because they aren't pressing.  Second is the fact that my boss, despite telling us she didn't want to do this any more, is micromanaging random things again, so even if I want to get stuff done, I need to wait for like 5 other people's approval before a decision can be made and she doesn't even present that decision to be made until the last minute because she is a procrastinator.  So I figure I can't get it done anyways, might as well not do it right now.  So I sit and wait A LOT waiting for her to get back to me on things.  Good times!

Additionally, we are about to have our reviews sometime in the first week of April, so things are kind of teeter-tottering at this point.  I have NO idea how the review will go because last year I wasn't expecting the goofiness that I got, so I have no expectations this year.  Also, I am curious to see how things will go with my boss' reallocation which was already instated and how that will fare for the future after her own review.  Things could get interesting around here in the next few weeks.  I also have requested tuition reimbursement on a series of 3 classes to get a masters certificate.  I am waiting patiently to hear back, but am hoping to hear something today or tomorrow as the classes start next Thursday and I need to get the materials ordered and here on time.  There is no reason that they shouldn't cover them because I have been an employee here for 4.5 years and never asked for tuition reimbursement before, plus they are related to my job and will help make me more valuable and knowledgeable.  So I don't know what the hold-up is but hopefully that will get approved later today and I can get registered for that.

Overall, this is a very boring post, but I wanted to update the world (not that anyone really reads - ha) on my current situation....hopefully I will get out of a rut one of these days.  I'm ready for bigger and better things - I'm ready to show the world how great I can be if someone can just give me the chance.  Until then, I will sit back and try my hardest and keep pushing myself so that maybe my wish will come true!

Lost?

My husband and I LOVE the TV show "Lost."  I actually think that my husband may go into a depression when it ends this May.  ;)  The interesting thing about that show is that it has so many different scenarios and "realities" for the characters.  So you really can think through and see all of the different paths a person's life can take based on the various choices they make and the outside influences that guide them. 

As you know, I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction I want to take with my work life.  I love what I do but I always feel like there is the "now what" creeping in.  In college, I minored in psychology.  It was always something I was interested in, and I really enjoyed nearly all of my psychology classes and did well in them.  I found it fascinating the different ways the mind worked and all of the conditions that can affect a person.  I sort of blew it off though as a fun thing to minor in, but nothing more.  However, lately I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have pursued that a little farther and become a licensed professional counselor or something like that.  I love helping people which would be a great fit, and I think I have a natural ability for it and people seem drawn to tell me their issues already. 

The complication is that that would mean a total career change (yet again).  Plus a few years of schooling of which I don't know how we would pay the tuition on top of everything else.  So I keep trying to push that idea out of my mind because it's not realistic.  But what is?  Is sitting around waiting for something to change in my current situation realistic? 

We got a letter from the new pastor at the church where Cooper's school is.  He is starting a new series this weekend about opening doors, and the letter really spoke to me.  It talked about getting enough courage to try something that you've always wanted to do or to tell someone something you've been holding back.  The 2nd doesn't apply to me, but the first really hit home and I sort of saw it as a sign.  I am hoping we can go this Sunday and check it out and listen to what he says.  Maybe it will give me some clarity.  I had a dream last weekend that Austin told me that he had got a call from God.  Ever since, I feel like He is trying to communicate with me somehow and if I could just get there to talk to Him, I would have some clarity.

2010 is one of those years where I just feel something big is going to happen.  I don't know what that is yet or what direction it may take me, but I'm ready.  I love my life and my family and I'm so thankful for all that we have.  I am just ready to take that next step, whatever it is, in my life and career.  So even though I feel a little lost sometimes lately, I'm hoping that, like the show, this period of time will soon be over.

Back to School?

For awhile now, I have really felt a strong desire to challenge myself further in life and my career. I have especially become interested in a Masters in Management degree since I feel like it will help sharpen my business skills, introduce me to more specific marketing skills, and still open doors for HR type positions as well. Plus I found out that my company does tuition reimbursement up to a certain amount, so I'm seriously considering taking them up on that option and getting a Masters degree. I figure if they aren't going to help me further my career within the company, I might as well get them to help me further my career somewhere else.

So I've been looking around at online degree options since I don't think I would have time between work and family to actually attend classrooms once or twice a week. I have found two programs that seem fairly good - one at Dallas Baptist and one at Indiana Wesleyan. I also had found a program through Texas A&M-Commerce, but after reading rankings and things, I think it might be a waste to complete my education there since it is a Tier 4 school whereas the others are both Tier 1 schools.

My biggest hesitation now is trying to figure out whether it's worth the time/money. I don't know enough about what I could possibly do with my skills to know whether or not it will make a difference. I also don't know if I have the additional money to cover the tuition plus books and fees. It is something I need to do further research on and the sooner the better if I want to start in the fall. So for now, I have just requested information on the programs and am looking into possible options.

I just feel like I need something to challenge myself. I'm frustrated by doing nothing yet don't really know what to do. I am usually a happy person for the most part, but right now I'm having trouble focusing on happiness because so many balls seem up in the air and I'm confused about where to go next. I know I will figure it out soon enough, but it's frustrating in the meantime while I try to make sense of all that is going on in my world! At least I'm thankful to have a loving husband (even though he is grumpy a lot lately too!) and a cutie little boy.