Today I found myself crying (not sobbing at least, just tears coming out occasionally) on an airplane. Yet another week of travel for me. Left this afternoon and then out of town in 2 different cities for work before coming home late Thursday evening. My parents are flying through home on Thursday afternoon to pick up my son and take him to another city south of where we live for a long weekend so I won't even get to see him until my husband and I arrive there on Friday evening after driving after work. I will be home for a few hours to shower, unpack and repack, and then take the dog to the pet hotel first thing Friday morning before a day in the office and then hopefully hit the road by 4 pm for a long weekend with my family until Tuesday. I really need the break. I am going to have to work some but hopefully not too much.
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
Showing posts with label me myself and I. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me myself and I. Show all posts
10.04.2011
8.23.2011
Little Man
Yesterday my baby boy started kindergarten. I really can't believe that he is already big enough to be starting real school. It seems like only yesterday I was cuddling him in my arms as a sweet newborn. The time really does fly by! It makes me question a little bit what I'm doing with my life and if time goes by so quickly, am I happy with how I'm living it?
I am so very very proud of him. He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!). He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days. Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness. It was the cutest thing ever! I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do. He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.
Instead, I often just feel like crying. I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more. I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying. I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude. I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage. So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+. So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever. I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either. It's a terrible predicament.
I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger. So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that. At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home. But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends. It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends. Ugh! I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!
I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety. I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse. But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us. I am trying to be patient. I really am!
For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life. I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in. :)
I am so very very proud of him. He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!). He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days. Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness. It was the cutest thing ever! I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do. He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.
Instead, I often just feel like crying. I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more. I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying. I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude. I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage. So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+. So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever. I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either. It's a terrible predicament.
I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger. So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that. At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home. But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends. It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends. Ugh! I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!
I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety. I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse. But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us. I am trying to be patient. I really am!
For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life. I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in. :)
8.04.2011
Where Has the Time Gone?
Time flies these days. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a not so good way. I have a lot to write about but most of it is frustration so I've been avoiding writing because I don't want everyone to think of me as a negative person. I swear I'm not! I'm just ready for a change and my patience is wearing very thin with my work situation and yet there isn't much I can do about it. So I'm trying to suck it up and move forward and just hope that a positive change comes very soon!
On the positive side, we are on vacation this week at the beach. It's so relaxing. It's one thing I miss from growing up in Florida - the sound of the ocean and the way it can instaneously relax me. I wish it was closer so that when I'm stressed, I could just listen to the waves and relax. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to do it. I love spending time with my husband and son and not having to think about work too much (still have worked 1.5-2 hours each day but at least it's on my own time!). I love having time to read a good book (reading "One Day" this week and really enjoying it) and "sleeping in" a little bit until 7:30 or 8 and staying up a little later. I love enjoying all of the great seafood down here and get tanned at the beach and fishing and all of the fun things about this place.
I can't believe it but my son starts kindergarten in a few short weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. He has learned how to swim well this summer and is not afraid any more. He is doing so well with his school stuff and is excited about kindergarten which is great. I am a nerd and always loved school so I'm hoping he will feel the same. I hope he gets a great teacher!!!
My brief comment on work is that things are pretty much the same as before but EVEN WORSE because they have hired a complete idiot to be our employee in the other Texas office. She can't even use a computer properly. It's ridiculous. So instead of getting help, we are having to babysit someone and make things take longer. Good times! To top it off, every few weeks my boss randomly decides to yell at me for no reason whatsoever and I feel like I'm constantly under so much stress yet no additional pay or career path available. It's infuriating!
Before I left for vacation, my stress level had caused my shoulder/arm/back muscles to get so tense that I was having pains in my left arm which was then causing panic attacks because I of course thought I was having a heart attack or something. Luckily, I got a massage here on Monday and she was a lifesaver working it all out. I just hate what this job is doing to my body, but I also don't know when/if I can change it any time soon. I had a phone interview last week, but found out this week that they decided to not move forward with me for interviews. So I either stink at interviewing or they don't believe that I'm capable of as much as I am because the things my current work is doing to hold me back doesn't speak as highly of me as it should. Or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I need to resign myself to the fact that this is how things are and try to deal with it however I can for now.
We went to a church the weekend before we went out of town but didn't really like it. However, I'm really excited to try out another one not this weekend because we will just be getting home, but the next weekend I'm hoping we can go. I've heard it's great, I've watched a bunch of the sermons online, and I think it might be want we are looking for. Fingers crossed because I feel like I need that in my life right now (and wouldn't mind meeting some good people as many of our friends have been flaky lately!).
Also, if you haven't seen "Horrible Bosses" run to the theater now! I thought it was awesome. Be forewarned that there is a lot of bad language and "dirty" scenes, but it's HILARIOUS if you aren't offended by that type of thing. I think I love it so much because 1) I have a horrible boss myself! and 2) it is funny because it's so true to life on the idiosyncracies of work life.
I think that's all I've got for now - maybe I can keep up with this more by making time to write things out and hopefully that will help with the stress as well! I start traveling the week I get back (overnight trip to our other Texas office), then have one week off, and then start the next week with my heavy fall travel which will last through late October. Ugh! At least we are taking 2 days off in October for a mini-vacation with my parents during our son's fall break. For now, I'm going to enjoy the vacation - talk to you later!
P.S. Note to self - don't watch Shark Week when you're at the beach! My brother-in-law keeps putting it on and it's driving me crazy and making me scared to go into the ocean!
On the positive side, we are on vacation this week at the beach. It's so relaxing. It's one thing I miss from growing up in Florida - the sound of the ocean and the way it can instaneously relax me. I wish it was closer so that when I'm stressed, I could just listen to the waves and relax. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to do it. I love spending time with my husband and son and not having to think about work too much (still have worked 1.5-2 hours each day but at least it's on my own time!). I love having time to read a good book (reading "One Day" this week and really enjoying it) and "sleeping in" a little bit until 7:30 or 8 and staying up a little later. I love enjoying all of the great seafood down here and get tanned at the beach and fishing and all of the fun things about this place.
I can't believe it but my son starts kindergarten in a few short weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. He has learned how to swim well this summer and is not afraid any more. He is doing so well with his school stuff and is excited about kindergarten which is great. I am a nerd and always loved school so I'm hoping he will feel the same. I hope he gets a great teacher!!!
My brief comment on work is that things are pretty much the same as before but EVEN WORSE because they have hired a complete idiot to be our employee in the other Texas office. She can't even use a computer properly. It's ridiculous. So instead of getting help, we are having to babysit someone and make things take longer. Good times! To top it off, every few weeks my boss randomly decides to yell at me for no reason whatsoever and I feel like I'm constantly under so much stress yet no additional pay or career path available. It's infuriating!
Before I left for vacation, my stress level had caused my shoulder/arm/back muscles to get so tense that I was having pains in my left arm which was then causing panic attacks because I of course thought I was having a heart attack or something. Luckily, I got a massage here on Monday and she was a lifesaver working it all out. I just hate what this job is doing to my body, but I also don't know when/if I can change it any time soon. I had a phone interview last week, but found out this week that they decided to not move forward with me for interviews. So I either stink at interviewing or they don't believe that I'm capable of as much as I am because the things my current work is doing to hold me back doesn't speak as highly of me as it should. Or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I need to resign myself to the fact that this is how things are and try to deal with it however I can for now.
We went to a church the weekend before we went out of town but didn't really like it. However, I'm really excited to try out another one not this weekend because we will just be getting home, but the next weekend I'm hoping we can go. I've heard it's great, I've watched a bunch of the sermons online, and I think it might be want we are looking for. Fingers crossed because I feel like I need that in my life right now (and wouldn't mind meeting some good people as many of our friends have been flaky lately!).
Also, if you haven't seen "Horrible Bosses" run to the theater now! I thought it was awesome. Be forewarned that there is a lot of bad language and "dirty" scenes, but it's HILARIOUS if you aren't offended by that type of thing. I think I love it so much because 1) I have a horrible boss myself! and 2) it is funny because it's so true to life on the idiosyncracies of work life.
I think that's all I've got for now - maybe I can keep up with this more by making time to write things out and hopefully that will help with the stress as well! I start traveling the week I get back (overnight trip to our other Texas office), then have one week off, and then start the next week with my heavy fall travel which will last through late October. Ugh! At least we are taking 2 days off in October for a mini-vacation with my parents during our son's fall break. For now, I'm going to enjoy the vacation - talk to you later!
P.S. Note to self - don't watch Shark Week when you're at the beach! My brother-in-law keeps putting it on and it's driving me crazy and making me scared to go into the ocean!
6.09.2011
So much to write, so little time
Lately, I just haven't felt like I've had any time. I haven't had time for blogging, I haven't had time for working out, I haven't had time for reading, or me time, or hubby time, and barely any kiddo time. I just feel like I'm going 100 miles a minute in all directions and trying to keep up. That may explain why I took a 3 hour nap last Saturday because my body just couldn't do it all any more...too bad I still don't feel rested!!! ;)
I will try to remember all of the things I've been wanting to blog about, but just couldn't take the time. So here goes....
-Last Tuesday when I was in Boston, I was walking back to my hotel to get some work done from my room for the afternoon, and I happened to jump on FB on my phone. And through FB which has to be the absolute most difficult way, I found out that my good friend from high school, the one with the brain tumor who had tried to kill himself last fall I think it was, had died. The brain cancer had finally taken him. And no one called me...probably because I haven't been the best friend I could be lately. Which made me feel even worse. Because I should have called at least. Or I should have visited. The last time we "talked" was by e-mail in May, but I should have made the time to at least pick up the phone. Because now I can never talk to him again. And that makes me really really sad. I was shaking by the time I got on the elevator and up to my room, called our other friend and asked him what happened, and then spent the next hour or so sobbing alone in my room. I actually cried on and off all that week and still thining about it makes me want to cry. I was looking through pictures from high school and our wedding, and I just still can't believe he's gone. It really makes me think about life and how short it can be and how things can change so quickly. It was only 5 years ago that he got diagnosed, and while that was a long time for him to live with brain cancer, it was way too short to lose him at age 32. RIP Phil - you will be missed more than you know!
-With the bad news that week, I also got some really great news as well. On Thursday evening, I was selected for the "Recruiting Excellence Award" for the Americas. This basically means I was selected as the top recruiter out of all of the North & South American recruiters in our company. It was a huge honor and I'm excited that I will have a little trophy on my desk and my name up in Boston as well as a nice little bonus in my bank account. It made me really proud because after all of the b.s. I've been through here at work, it was nice to be finally recognized. Funny thing is that my boss has still NOT congratulated me even though she was sitting across from me at the table when I received it and numerous other people have congratulated me as soon as they found out. It's despicable really and makes me really sad/frustrated, but there isn't anything I can do about that and the awesome thing is this is one thing I got 100% on my own and it was out of her control and she can NEVER take it away from me!!!! Hopefully it will help on my resume if nothing else!
-We had really bad storms a few weeks ago so we had to replace our new fence in addition to the updates we did on our son's room. I'm thankful that we had the money to do it but annoyed to have to spend it that way! :) I'm just glad we didn't have more damage though!!!
-As I mentioned above, I'm struggling with this time thing. So I haven't had time to blog/comment as much, and I'm annoyed with blogger because I've had a hard time commenting on other people's blogs. But please keep reading and know I'm reading yours even if I can't post. I enjoy reading your comments!
-If anyone has good ideas on how to work in really good exercise in your schedule, let me know ha! Also, I'm contemplating a masters degree which part of me wants for the satisfaction of learning, but the other part of me knows it's a big cost and I want to know it would actually pay off! I am still looking for direction in my career/work life.
-I mentioned this before, but I really really want to start looking at churches. We have done this before and I've struggled to find one that I enjoy, but I would love to go to meet new people and renew my faith. I need something positive in my life these days with lots of death and drama. Hopefully we can get to that soon - maybe this weekend!
Hope you all are doing well and hope to get on here more often. Just need to find the time...(or win the lottery!).
I will try to remember all of the things I've been wanting to blog about, but just couldn't take the time. So here goes....
-Last Tuesday when I was in Boston, I was walking back to my hotel to get some work done from my room for the afternoon, and I happened to jump on FB on my phone. And through FB which has to be the absolute most difficult way, I found out that my good friend from high school, the one with the brain tumor who had tried to kill himself last fall I think it was, had died. The brain cancer had finally taken him. And no one called me...probably because I haven't been the best friend I could be lately. Which made me feel even worse. Because I should have called at least. Or I should have visited. The last time we "talked" was by e-mail in May, but I should have made the time to at least pick up the phone. Because now I can never talk to him again. And that makes me really really sad. I was shaking by the time I got on the elevator and up to my room, called our other friend and asked him what happened, and then spent the next hour or so sobbing alone in my room. I actually cried on and off all that week and still thining about it makes me want to cry. I was looking through pictures from high school and our wedding, and I just still can't believe he's gone. It really makes me think about life and how short it can be and how things can change so quickly. It was only 5 years ago that he got diagnosed, and while that was a long time for him to live with brain cancer, it was way too short to lose him at age 32. RIP Phil - you will be missed more than you know!
-With the bad news that week, I also got some really great news as well. On Thursday evening, I was selected for the "Recruiting Excellence Award" for the Americas. This basically means I was selected as the top recruiter out of all of the North & South American recruiters in our company. It was a huge honor and I'm excited that I will have a little trophy on my desk and my name up in Boston as well as a nice little bonus in my bank account. It made me really proud because after all of the b.s. I've been through here at work, it was nice to be finally recognized. Funny thing is that my boss has still NOT congratulated me even though she was sitting across from me at the table when I received it and numerous other people have congratulated me as soon as they found out. It's despicable really and makes me really sad/frustrated, but there isn't anything I can do about that and the awesome thing is this is one thing I got 100% on my own and it was out of her control and she can NEVER take it away from me!!!! Hopefully it will help on my resume if nothing else!
-We had really bad storms a few weeks ago so we had to replace our new fence in addition to the updates we did on our son's room. I'm thankful that we had the money to do it but annoyed to have to spend it that way! :) I'm just glad we didn't have more damage though!!!
-As I mentioned above, I'm struggling with this time thing. So I haven't had time to blog/comment as much, and I'm annoyed with blogger because I've had a hard time commenting on other people's blogs. But please keep reading and know I'm reading yours even if I can't post. I enjoy reading your comments!
-If anyone has good ideas on how to work in really good exercise in your schedule, let me know ha! Also, I'm contemplating a masters degree which part of me wants for the satisfaction of learning, but the other part of me knows it's a big cost and I want to know it would actually pay off! I am still looking for direction in my career/work life.
-I mentioned this before, but I really really want to start looking at churches. We have done this before and I've struggled to find one that I enjoy, but I would love to go to meet new people and renew my faith. I need something positive in my life these days with lots of death and drama. Hopefully we can get to that soon - maybe this weekend!
Hope you all are doing well and hope to get on here more often. Just need to find the time...(or win the lottery!).
5.10.2011
Things I Have Learned So Far This Week
1) I miss my son and husband more than I thought possible. These past three weeks of chaos and travel are starting to take their toll and I can't wait to be home this weekend and for the next two weeks at least!
2) Watching TV in real time is for the birds (miss my DVR!).
3) "True Grit" is a pretty good movie (the new one - never have seen the old one) and I'm thankful to have a movie on this flight since it's so long and I was by myself!
4) Traveling is much more fun when you have someone with you.
5) I am so thankful I live in the south - it's cold up here still - it's mid-May people!!!
6) My intuition about people is usually spot on
7) When you get a feeling something is wrong with one of your friends, you should definitely try to contact them to make sure everything is okay - there's usually a reason you feel this way.
8) I work WAY too hard and sacrifice WAY too much for the treatment I receive my immediate boss and the $$ I make.
9) Some things will never change - no matter how much I try to be positive at times about things at work, they continue to let me down over and over.
10) If nothing else this week, I'm benefiting from meeting more people, gaining a new perspective on other's experiences, getting out of the office and away from my boss for the week, and increasing my marketability by learning better presentation skills, more team dynamics, and how to build a major technological application for a global firm. :)
Hope you all are having a good week - trying to be positive and keep a running list of the "positives" by putting into the perspective of learning!
2) Watching TV in real time is for the birds (miss my DVR!).
3) "True Grit" is a pretty good movie (the new one - never have seen the old one) and I'm thankful to have a movie on this flight since it's so long and I was by myself!
4) Traveling is much more fun when you have someone with you.
5) I am so thankful I live in the south - it's cold up here still - it's mid-May people!!!
6) My intuition about people is usually spot on
7) When you get a feeling something is wrong with one of your friends, you should definitely try to contact them to make sure everything is okay - there's usually a reason you feel this way.
8) I work WAY too hard and sacrifice WAY too much for the treatment I receive my immediate boss and the $$ I make.
9) Some things will never change - no matter how much I try to be positive at times about things at work, they continue to let me down over and over.
10) If nothing else this week, I'm benefiting from meeting more people, gaining a new perspective on other's experiences, getting out of the office and away from my boss for the week, and increasing my marketability by learning better presentation skills, more team dynamics, and how to build a major technological application for a global firm. :)
Hope you all are having a good week - trying to be positive and keep a running list of the "positives" by putting into the perspective of learning!
4.21.2011
Crazy weeks!
I don't really have time to post right now but want to at least say something. I started off the week more positive than last week at least. I've come to the realization that even though it's not fair or right, the things my boss says and does are things that are out of my control, and apparently I have no recourse other than to move forward and hope one of these days she gets the karma she deserves. If I complain too much or make an issue out of it, it makes me look immature and unprofessional - even though I'm right!!! - so I just have to move on. I can't fix it right now, but it will get fixed one way or another eventually.
On Monday afternoon, I received a call from my mom that my grandmother had been taken to the hospital that morning and wasn't doing well. I knew then that it was her time, and by Tuesday evening, she had passed away. It was peaceful and she was almost 104 (her 104th birthday would have been 5/5/11) so it was time. When I saw her last (March 2010), she seemed like she was stuck in her body. Her mind was still there, but she wasn't as happy and she felt like she was burdening everyone around her. It was her time and I'm sad and I will miss her, but I am at peace knowing she is now at peace and with my grandfather and happy once again. I was blessed to have much longer time with her than I really should have. (And if you are wondering how my grandmother was almost 104, she had my mom went she was 35 and my mom had me when she was 37).
Since she died in Florida (where my parents live and I grew up), they are embalming her there and then shipping her by plane back up to Pennsylvania. We leave a week from today to go up there, pick out the final details (ugh!), and then hopefully have the service next Friday (4/29) and then we will fly back on Sunday after spending the weekend with family up there.
January & February of 2011 were pretty rough - March renewed my faith that 2011 could be okay, and now April has been rough again. I'm hoping that May will bring good things again! :) I will probably be in and out until after the funeral because I have a lot of work to get done both at work and at home, but I'll try to at least check in. Hope you all are doing well and hope to talk to you again soon!
P.S. One other good piece of news - I just got my iPhone today (my other phone just couldn't last any longer and I figured I might as well get it before they take away the policy where I could get reimbursed for it!) so hopefully I can more often add photos and posts by phone!
On Monday afternoon, I received a call from my mom that my grandmother had been taken to the hospital that morning and wasn't doing well. I knew then that it was her time, and by Tuesday evening, she had passed away. It was peaceful and she was almost 104 (her 104th birthday would have been 5/5/11) so it was time. When I saw her last (March 2010), she seemed like she was stuck in her body. Her mind was still there, but she wasn't as happy and she felt like she was burdening everyone around her. It was her time and I'm sad and I will miss her, but I am at peace knowing she is now at peace and with my grandfather and happy once again. I was blessed to have much longer time with her than I really should have. (And if you are wondering how my grandmother was almost 104, she had my mom went she was 35 and my mom had me when she was 37).
Since she died in Florida (where my parents live and I grew up), they are embalming her there and then shipping her by plane back up to Pennsylvania. We leave a week from today to go up there, pick out the final details (ugh!), and then hopefully have the service next Friday (4/29) and then we will fly back on Sunday after spending the weekend with family up there.
January & February of 2011 were pretty rough - March renewed my faith that 2011 could be okay, and now April has been rough again. I'm hoping that May will bring good things again! :) I will probably be in and out until after the funeral because I have a lot of work to get done both at work and at home, but I'll try to at least check in. Hope you all are doing well and hope to talk to you again soon!
P.S. One other good piece of news - I just got my iPhone today (my other phone just couldn't last any longer and I figured I might as well get it before they take away the policy where I could get reimbursed for it!) so hopefully I can more often add photos and posts by phone!
4.15.2011
I Give Up
I haven't written for a few days mainly because I am just not sure what to say. I am frustrated, angry, and sad all at the same time. My review on Wednesday was one of the hardest days of my life, and it has taken every ounce of strength in my body to show up to work all day long every day since then because the stress is just overly burdening my body. But it's Friday and in about 4 hours, I plan to leave this place for the weekend, go see my friend who had a baby yesterday (yay for babies!), and enjoy a relaxing weekend with my friends and family. I couldn't be more ready for this!
I have been praying a lot lately for things to get better, and yesterday I received a fortune cookie that said "Happier days are definitely ahead for you." So I have put it in my wallet right in the front with my driver's license so I can open it and stare at it whenever I start feeling down. I'm ready for those happier days...let's hope they get here sooner than later!
I have been praying a lot lately for things to get better, and yesterday I received a fortune cookie that said "Happier days are definitely ahead for you." So I have put it in my wallet right in the front with my driver's license so I can open it and stare at it whenever I start feeling down. I'm ready for those happier days...let's hope they get here sooner than later!
4.10.2011
New Haircut!
Here's a photo of the new 'do! I think I love it, but we'll see after I wash it and fix it for the first time myself. :) Let me know what you think (and please don't let anyone from my work find this blog and now know who I am - ha!). :) Happy Sunday!
Also, here is a photo of the cupcake pull-apart cake from hubby's birthday party. Unfortunately it did NOT turn out how we had hoped - well really the sleeves of the shirt were the worst part and it looked off center and a bit sloppy. But it did what we needed it too and we complained so we are going to get it for free! :)
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| New haircut - what do you all think?! |
Also, here is a photo of the cupcake pull-apart cake from hubby's birthday party. Unfortunately it did NOT turn out how we had hoped - well really the sleeves of the shirt were the worst part and it looked off center and a bit sloppy. But it did what we needed it too and we complained so we are going to get it for free! :)
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| We called it T-Rex since the arms were so small on the shirt! |
3.30.2011
Hair change?
I am contemplating a hair change. Not super drastic and I've had a similar cut in the past, but it's still different than what I've been wearing lately. I have a tendency to pull my hair back into a pony tail which is dumb and doesn't really look all that great. But I don't know what else to do with it so it's easy. So I'm thinking of cutting it to a medium bob. See these photos for examples of what I am wanting:
It will never look as good as it does on those two beautiful women, but I think it will be better than what I have going now and hopefully make me feel and look younger and sexier! Ha! :)
Here's a picture of pretty much how it looks currently (maybe slightly shorter on the longest layer) although usually up in a stupid ponytail or half ponytail:
So what do you all think?! :)
3.01.2011
I really need to get better about this blogging thing!
So I completed disappeared for about two months, but now I am back again and will try to blog more often. I didn't get an iPhone yet (being kind of bratty about it because I heard the iPhone5 was coming out in June/July and I figured if I have waited this long, I can probably wait a few more months!), so still won't have tons of pictures but hopefully I can get better about plugging in the camera more often and posting.
Updates:
1) My surgery went well. It was way more painful than I remembered my c-section being (probably because this time they had to move things around in there and scrape things all up), but I survived and now almost 8 weeks afterwards, I'm starting to feel back to normal other than the flabbiness around the scar which I started working on yesterday with my workout routine.
2) January & February were pretty hellatious months for me for a number of reasons. Mostly having to do with work but some other factors as well - Austin's aunt passed away from cancer in January which was sad, work was utterly crazy including the time I was SUPPOSED to be on medical leave so I never really felt like I got a break, and the weather here in early February made things even more complicated because despite school and work being closed, I had a TON to get done so didn't get to enjoy it much.
3) I am SO thankful for the warmer, sunnier weather. I have realized that the weather really does affect my mood at times and the combination of the freezing cold and all that was going on with my recovery and work and everything else just made me slightly out of it. I'm glad to be feeling more normal again! :)
The biggest thing that you can probably see throughout this post is that work is driving me nuts in all ways. Not only did I have to work for half of my "medical leave" which really sucked, but I had to work like crazy helping out the other half of my team with their stuff and no one ever wants to help me. I wouldn't mind but I was busy too and things just got crazy with having to plan things for two different cities/offices and people cancelling at the last minute and everything. It's all over now and things should be slower for the next few months at least, but it was really just a very trying time.
Additionally, this time of year is our review time, so that always makes things feel worse around here. It seems like every year we hope that something will finally change and be better and yet it doesn't. I feel very, very stuck in many ways because we have such good benefits here and those are very important to my family due to my hubby's type 1 diabetes and my endometriosis and our son. Plus I make decent money so everyone just thinks I should stay here. Which would be great and all if I could actually be recognized for all of the work I do and if I was actually making the kind of money that would justify me traveling as much as I do, spending as much time on my vacations/sick days/etc. on work as I do, and generally working my tail off. But I'm DEFINITELY NOT and the money that they shorted me last year when they switched me from non-exempt to exempt is still probably not going to be made up this year according to a few people who are "in the know." I makes me furious that my "raise" this year will still not even put me at the amount I made in 2008 & 2009 and that last year in 2010 when I was supposedly promoted as well, I made several thousand dollars LESS than those previous years. How is that a promotion?!
Additionally, there is nothing else for me here. There is no career path, no opportunities for advancement, nothing more than continued hard work for middle pay. And I think I'm better than that. But the question is where would I go? How would I find another place with just as good of benefits and more money and opportunity? I'm sure they exist but where and how do you know? I had no idea when I started here 5.5 years ago that I would reach my peak in salary 3 years after I came and then go downhill from there...this is just now how I envisioned my work life to be when I was younger and I just don't know what to do from here.
Okay, guess I have rambled enough for now...just need to try to let some of this go. But I will try to write more frequently now that things have slowed down a bit for work. I'm looking forward to taking vacation in a few weeks - we are going to Hilton Head with my family for a week and I am hoping for nice weather so we can walk on the beach and just relax. Now I just need to fnid a good book! :)
Updates:
1) My surgery went well. It was way more painful than I remembered my c-section being (probably because this time they had to move things around in there and scrape things all up), but I survived and now almost 8 weeks afterwards, I'm starting to feel back to normal other than the flabbiness around the scar which I started working on yesterday with my workout routine.
2) January & February were pretty hellatious months for me for a number of reasons. Mostly having to do with work but some other factors as well - Austin's aunt passed away from cancer in January which was sad, work was utterly crazy including the time I was SUPPOSED to be on medical leave so I never really felt like I got a break, and the weather here in early February made things even more complicated because despite school and work being closed, I had a TON to get done so didn't get to enjoy it much.
3) I am SO thankful for the warmer, sunnier weather. I have realized that the weather really does affect my mood at times and the combination of the freezing cold and all that was going on with my recovery and work and everything else just made me slightly out of it. I'm glad to be feeling more normal again! :)
The biggest thing that you can probably see throughout this post is that work is driving me nuts in all ways. Not only did I have to work for half of my "medical leave" which really sucked, but I had to work like crazy helping out the other half of my team with their stuff and no one ever wants to help me. I wouldn't mind but I was busy too and things just got crazy with having to plan things for two different cities/offices and people cancelling at the last minute and everything. It's all over now and things should be slower for the next few months at least, but it was really just a very trying time.
Additionally, this time of year is our review time, so that always makes things feel worse around here. It seems like every year we hope that something will finally change and be better and yet it doesn't. I feel very, very stuck in many ways because we have such good benefits here and those are very important to my family due to my hubby's type 1 diabetes and my endometriosis and our son. Plus I make decent money so everyone just thinks I should stay here. Which would be great and all if I could actually be recognized for all of the work I do and if I was actually making the kind of money that would justify me traveling as much as I do, spending as much time on my vacations/sick days/etc. on work as I do, and generally working my tail off. But I'm DEFINITELY NOT and the money that they shorted me last year when they switched me from non-exempt to exempt is still probably not going to be made up this year according to a few people who are "in the know." I makes me furious that my "raise" this year will still not even put me at the amount I made in 2008 & 2009 and that last year in 2010 when I was supposedly promoted as well, I made several thousand dollars LESS than those previous years. How is that a promotion?!
Additionally, there is nothing else for me here. There is no career path, no opportunities for advancement, nothing more than continued hard work for middle pay. And I think I'm better than that. But the question is where would I go? How would I find another place with just as good of benefits and more money and opportunity? I'm sure they exist but where and how do you know? I had no idea when I started here 5.5 years ago that I would reach my peak in salary 3 years after I came and then go downhill from there...this is just now how I envisioned my work life to be when I was younger and I just don't know what to do from here.
Okay, guess I have rambled enough for now...just need to try to let some of this go. But I will try to write more frequently now that things have slowed down a bit for work. I'm looking forward to taking vacation in a few weeks - we are going to Hilton Head with my family for a week and I am hoping for nice weather so we can walk on the beach and just relax. Now I just need to fnid a good book! :)
11.30.2010
The Good and the Bad
Things that are good (great!) right now:
1) Spent a wonderful 5 days off this weekend enjoying the holidays with my son and hubby and some of hubby's family - included getting our Christmas tree, reading, getting stuff done around the house, cooking, and the Parade of Lights which was super fun
2) Trying hard to enjoy the holiday season even though it's hectic this time of year and we have at least one thing (sometimes both days) every weekend from now until the new year, but my husband is like Clark Griswald and his enthusiasm is infectious
3) Picked out super cute glasses yesterday after finally going to my overdue eye appointment and they should be in soon
4) Had a good conversation with my parents/mom a few weekends ago and am working to repair that relationship again - really hoping it sticks this time so this nonsense can stop - so far so good
Things that are not so good:
1) Went to my gyn today to do another check-up on my endometriosis/ovarian cysts and found out the left one is continuing to get bigger and I am likely going to have to have surgery AGAIN to remove the cyst (and possibly part of the ovary depending on damage) - I am none to pleased on this one because I just had surgery in December of last year and that one was fairly easy - this one will require an overnight hospital stay plus 2 weeks of recovery :( and I am dreading the possibility of this happening every year from now until I get a hysterectomy....grrrrrrrr. Of course calendar-wise, there isn't much good timing left either before I get busy with work again so may need to do it the week after Christmas or at the latest the first week of January or will have to wait until March which then interferes with son's birthday and potential family vacation to Hilton Head
2) Still very frustrated with job situation. Right now I feel a bit better because I'm not traveling and not so crazy busy that I can't think, but I want more out of life than this and not sure how to fix it without losing the awesome benefits that we have here. This is one I will continue to work on in 2011 I think!
3) Due to #2 and their lovely idea of a "promotion" we are more short on $$ than I would like to be with housing taxes needing to be paid in January and Christmas presents to be bought. We are trying to be frugal this year and keep our credit card debt as minimal as possible, but it sucks. Can't wait until I get my bonus in April and can pay things down and hopefully get a raise and then in the fall of next year when we will get money back from not having to pay for preschool/daycare any more.
4) Feel like a bad mother some days because 1) son was picked on by bullies last week and had a black eye for Thanksgiving weekend because some stupid kid pushed him into a pole and he hit his cheek bone and 2) back to #3, we are likely going to have to put son in public elementary school at least (not opposed to public school but our district is not as good as I want it to be and especially won't send him for middle/high school there) to save some money for a bit. Hoping he will get into the charter school (lottery on 12/18 - fingers crossed), but if not it's only a few years right? :)
I am trying hard to focus on the goods and not the bads because that stuff can get me down. We are very blessed compared to so many other families this year and if it means we have to sacrifice a bit now for a bigger payoff later, then so be it! I am just ready for some good things to start happening with work and the economy! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and hope to write more now that I have a bit more time at work. :)
1) Spent a wonderful 5 days off this weekend enjoying the holidays with my son and hubby and some of hubby's family - included getting our Christmas tree, reading, getting stuff done around the house, cooking, and the Parade of Lights which was super fun
2) Trying hard to enjoy the holiday season even though it's hectic this time of year and we have at least one thing (sometimes both days) every weekend from now until the new year, but my husband is like Clark Griswald and his enthusiasm is infectious
3) Picked out super cute glasses yesterday after finally going to my overdue eye appointment and they should be in soon
4) Had a good conversation with my parents/mom a few weekends ago and am working to repair that relationship again - really hoping it sticks this time so this nonsense can stop - so far so good
Things that are not so good:
1) Went to my gyn today to do another check-up on my endometriosis/ovarian cysts and found out the left one is continuing to get bigger and I am likely going to have to have surgery AGAIN to remove the cyst (and possibly part of the ovary depending on damage) - I am none to pleased on this one because I just had surgery in December of last year and that one was fairly easy - this one will require an overnight hospital stay plus 2 weeks of recovery :( and I am dreading the possibility of this happening every year from now until I get a hysterectomy....grrrrrrrr. Of course calendar-wise, there isn't much good timing left either before I get busy with work again so may need to do it the week after Christmas or at the latest the first week of January or will have to wait until March which then interferes with son's birthday and potential family vacation to Hilton Head
2) Still very frustrated with job situation. Right now I feel a bit better because I'm not traveling and not so crazy busy that I can't think, but I want more out of life than this and not sure how to fix it without losing the awesome benefits that we have here. This is one I will continue to work on in 2011 I think!
3) Due to #2 and their lovely idea of a "promotion" we are more short on $$ than I would like to be with housing taxes needing to be paid in January and Christmas presents to be bought. We are trying to be frugal this year and keep our credit card debt as minimal as possible, but it sucks. Can't wait until I get my bonus in April and can pay things down and hopefully get a raise and then in the fall of next year when we will get money back from not having to pay for preschool/daycare any more.
4) Feel like a bad mother some days because 1) son was picked on by bullies last week and had a black eye for Thanksgiving weekend because some stupid kid pushed him into a pole and he hit his cheek bone and 2) back to #3, we are likely going to have to put son in public elementary school at least (not opposed to public school but our district is not as good as I want it to be and especially won't send him for middle/high school there) to save some money for a bit. Hoping he will get into the charter school (lottery on 12/18 - fingers crossed), but if not it's only a few years right? :)
I am trying hard to focus on the goods and not the bads because that stuff can get me down. We are very blessed compared to so many other families this year and if it means we have to sacrifice a bit now for a bigger payoff later, then so be it! I am just ready for some good things to start happening with work and the economy! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and hope to write more now that I have a bit more time at work. :)
8.24.2010
Missing in action
I admit it - I have been missing in action for way too long. I am trying to increase readership and yet I go and disappear for over a month. I hope to start writing more and wanted to get something on the page for now so here are a few things that have happened while I was "gone" from the blogging world:
1) I went on a trip to Alaska with my parents and my husband and son. I saw some AMAZINGLY beautiful things and had some experiences that I will probably never have again in my lifetime in terms of pure, unadulterated beauty of nature. But I also had an awakening experience with my parents in realizing that no matter what I do or say or try to do to make things better, my mother is NEVER going to change. I had thought we were on the right path since things had been going more smoothly for the past year, but I was very sad and disappointed when this trip turned back to the same old same old. It makes me sad for myself, it makes me sad for my husband, and it especially makes me sad for my son, who has never done anything but been loving and sweet to them and try to get to know them and only has received criticism in return. Maybe one day I will open this can of worms a little further but for now that is all I am going to say on that subject! ;)
2) My work has picked up full speed. Starting on Thursday, I now have to travel for at least 1-3 days every week from now through October 22 (with the exception of the week of 9/27-10/1). It is going to be brutal, it's going to be long hours with no extra pay, and it's going to be hard on my husband and my son. I just pray for the strength to get through it and in two months it will be over. I am going to maintain the most positive attitude I can about it because it is part of my current job and there isn't really any changing that right now. At least I am earning hotel points and airline miles and can take another fabulous trip (with just my hubby and son this time!) in the future for free. :)
3) I have grown as a person in the past month. I know that seems strange to say but I've really developed my leadership skills and am working on increasing my powers of influence and leadership in my office. I was elected to represent the administrative staff to the management in helping to "fix" some of the issues that make us question our jobs. It isn't easy and it's not always fun to say the tough stuff, but I'm learning that there is a way to professionally go about things to get your point across and still maintain your integrity and respect. I am making my voice be seen and heard - I am making sure people are aware of the things I have accomplished and want to accomplish. Even though this is not specifically part of my job, I know these skills that I am developing will really help push my career and make my day-to-day work life better, so I am thankful for this opportunity and hope to use it for all that I can to make my life and those around me better.
4) I have one more class left to complete in September & October, and then I will have my Masters Certificate in addition to my professional certification. I am proud of what I have accomplished over the past 4 months and hope to make more strides to finish this year strong. I wanted 2010 to be "my year" but I think with the economy and everything else that is still going on in the world, I need to stick to my routine, do the things I can do to make myself better, and see what 2011 brings. I am happy for my health and that we both have jobs (husband's work did a TON of layoffs last week but he is fine) and that our son is doing well (he just started PreK!). Life is as good as it can be right now, and I will just continue to work hard, plan ahead, and pray for good things to come when it's time! :)
That's all I got for now - need to do a little more work before I leave. Hope to keep up a little better - maybe I can do a road journal! Ha! :)
1) I went on a trip to Alaska with my parents and my husband and son. I saw some AMAZINGLY beautiful things and had some experiences that I will probably never have again in my lifetime in terms of pure, unadulterated beauty of nature. But I also had an awakening experience with my parents in realizing that no matter what I do or say or try to do to make things better, my mother is NEVER going to change. I had thought we were on the right path since things had been going more smoothly for the past year, but I was very sad and disappointed when this trip turned back to the same old same old. It makes me sad for myself, it makes me sad for my husband, and it especially makes me sad for my son, who has never done anything but been loving and sweet to them and try to get to know them and only has received criticism in return. Maybe one day I will open this can of worms a little further but for now that is all I am going to say on that subject! ;)
2) My work has picked up full speed. Starting on Thursday, I now have to travel for at least 1-3 days every week from now through October 22 (with the exception of the week of 9/27-10/1). It is going to be brutal, it's going to be long hours with no extra pay, and it's going to be hard on my husband and my son. I just pray for the strength to get through it and in two months it will be over. I am going to maintain the most positive attitude I can about it because it is part of my current job and there isn't really any changing that right now. At least I am earning hotel points and airline miles and can take another fabulous trip (with just my hubby and son this time!) in the future for free. :)
3) I have grown as a person in the past month. I know that seems strange to say but I've really developed my leadership skills and am working on increasing my powers of influence and leadership in my office. I was elected to represent the administrative staff to the management in helping to "fix" some of the issues that make us question our jobs. It isn't easy and it's not always fun to say the tough stuff, but I'm learning that there is a way to professionally go about things to get your point across and still maintain your integrity and respect. I am making my voice be seen and heard - I am making sure people are aware of the things I have accomplished and want to accomplish. Even though this is not specifically part of my job, I know these skills that I am developing will really help push my career and make my day-to-day work life better, so I am thankful for this opportunity and hope to use it for all that I can to make my life and those around me better.
4) I have one more class left to complete in September & October, and then I will have my Masters Certificate in addition to my professional certification. I am proud of what I have accomplished over the past 4 months and hope to make more strides to finish this year strong. I wanted 2010 to be "my year" but I think with the economy and everything else that is still going on in the world, I need to stick to my routine, do the things I can do to make myself better, and see what 2011 brings. I am happy for my health and that we both have jobs (husband's work did a TON of layoffs last week but he is fine) and that our son is doing well (he just started PreK!). Life is as good as it can be right now, and I will just continue to work hard, plan ahead, and pray for good things to come when it's time! :)
That's all I got for now - need to do a little more work before I leave. Hope to keep up a little better - maybe I can do a road journal! Ha! :)
7.07.2010
Updates
First and foremost, I PASSED MY TEST! I took it a week ago today, and I am still in disbelief that it came up as passed. I mean I studied my butt off and knew the material pretty well, but still I was just worried because I'm not always the best test taker and only about 58% of people pass it at all, let alone on the first try. I'm so excited! Now, I get to have fancy letters behind my name - ha! It is good for 3 years and then I can either renew by doing continuing education or sit for the next level up test. So depending on what I am doing at that point in my life, I will figure it out if I 1) still want/need it and 2) if so, I will probably try to get the next level up. This place may do lots of things, but they can't take it this away from me! :) I have proudly added it to my signature, and when I told one of my managers (yes I did say one of!), he told me that's great, but please don't leave...if only they would do something about it so I could stay!
The door that I thought was possibly opening was just a fake one apparently. ;) After not hearing from the manager for almost a week, I e-mailed the original recruiter who had e-mailed me from the start about the position. He waited almost a week to get back to me to tell me that they had been busy but that they had decided to go with a candidate they had interviewed a few weeks ago. What the heck?! Why did they even bother talking to me or acting like they were interested if they had another candidate in mind? I even received an e-mail from the manager immediately after our phone conversation about how she really was looking forward to hearing back from me, etc. It definitely gave me a bad taste for that company, so I doubt I would EVER consider anything with them in the future. That is just bad business and especially in the field I am already in, they should know better than to treat me that way. Oh well - their loss!!!
In the meantime, I'm focusing on working through my second class of three to get my masters certificate, and then when that is all done and work slows down again at the holidays, I will see what my options are. They are SUPPOSEDLY making some changes around here soon, so we'll see what if anything happens and how it affects me, but in the meantime, I'll just keep my open and let fate takes its course. I know God will provide for me when the time is ready and at least I have a good job in the meantime. Now if only I could figure out a way to get my boss out of my business all the time! ;)
Gotta run for now because I"ve been busy at work trying to get stuff done and preparing for to be out of the office for 8 working days when we had to Alaska! I'm getting excited for it - hoping my mom can behave for that long, but regardless, I think it will be an amazing trip and at least I get to spend some vacation time away from this place and no laptop this time so it will be nice! 8 more days until we are off to luxury! Talk to you soon!
The door that I thought was possibly opening was just a fake one apparently. ;) After not hearing from the manager for almost a week, I e-mailed the original recruiter who had e-mailed me from the start about the position. He waited almost a week to get back to me to tell me that they had been busy but that they had decided to go with a candidate they had interviewed a few weeks ago. What the heck?! Why did they even bother talking to me or acting like they were interested if they had another candidate in mind? I even received an e-mail from the manager immediately after our phone conversation about how she really was looking forward to hearing back from me, etc. It definitely gave me a bad taste for that company, so I doubt I would EVER consider anything with them in the future. That is just bad business and especially in the field I am already in, they should know better than to treat me that way. Oh well - their loss!!!
In the meantime, I'm focusing on working through my second class of three to get my masters certificate, and then when that is all done and work slows down again at the holidays, I will see what my options are. They are SUPPOSEDLY making some changes around here soon, so we'll see what if anything happens and how it affects me, but in the meantime, I'll just keep my open and let fate takes its course. I know God will provide for me when the time is ready and at least I have a good job in the meantime. Now if only I could figure out a way to get my boss out of my business all the time! ;)
Gotta run for now because I"ve been busy at work trying to get stuff done and preparing for to be out of the office for 8 working days when we had to Alaska! I'm getting excited for it - hoping my mom can behave for that long, but regardless, I think it will be an amazing trip and at least I get to spend some vacation time away from this place and no laptop this time so it will be nice! 8 more days until we are off to luxury! Talk to you soon!
6.15.2010
Birthday wish
I just realized that my birthday is a week away. I'm going to be the big 3-1! It seems like these days birthdays are just another day especially when I have to work (ugh it's a Tuesday). Luckily, my hubby is awesome and always tries to make it special. I don't really have any huge birthday present that I want this year - just a small little things that I don't want to have to go and buy myself because they are more "wants" than "needs."
So for my birthday this year, I am asking for one wish to be granted. I wish for inner peace and strength to get through the days ahead and to create many more happy moments. I am truly blessed in all that I have and I need to be more cognizant of it instead of being mopey! I have been so overwhelmed lately with everything that is going on that I am just exhausted all of the time and that has to stop. I need the peace and strength to get through my busy time at my job and to search for the next big thing. My 31st year is going to be a big one I've determined! Even though I'm getting older, I am still young at heart and have a lot of life to live ahead - just want to be surrounded by good people and positivity! I know that I am a strong worker and that I can get where I want to be - I just need to have a little patience and luck and a lot of hard work and I will get there soon enough! Everything happens for a reason! :)
So for my birthday this year, I am asking for one wish to be granted. I wish for inner peace and strength to get through the days ahead and to create many more happy moments. I am truly blessed in all that I have and I need to be more cognizant of it instead of being mopey! I have been so overwhelmed lately with everything that is going on that I am just exhausted all of the time and that has to stop. I need the peace and strength to get through my busy time at my job and to search for the next big thing. My 31st year is going to be a big one I've determined! Even though I'm getting older, I am still young at heart and have a lot of life to live ahead - just want to be surrounded by good people and positivity! I know that I am a strong worker and that I can get where I want to be - I just need to have a little patience and luck and a lot of hard work and I will get there soon enough! Everything happens for a reason! :)
6.14.2010
Quick update
I don't have a whole lot of time to post today because our M*B*A intern group just started today and I'm trying to help out where I can. Things are good again with my son's school - had a great talk with the supervisor of his area and the assistant director of the school so I'm feeling much better about him staying there both in the short and long term. They were very open and honest about the changes (wish they would have just been from the start), and I feel safe and satisfied with him being there for another year until he starts kindergarten next fall.
Yesterday, I kind of got overwhelmed with everything that is going on. I think it's really hitting me how much extra time I am having to devote to my work and give up with my family and extra "me time." And since I am no longer eligible to make extra money to be at the events, it seems even more frustrating and time-consuming. We are just really busy right now and I can't wait until July when we have 11 days to ourselves away from computers and work and everything else. Hopefully my parents will behave and we can have an amazing trip! :) One month from tomorrow we leave for Alaska!
I am hopeful that I can pass this exam at the end of June, but I know it is very difficult and I'm trying to study as hard as I can without putting too much pressure on myself just in case. I want to pass and succeed and use it to get out of here, but if I don't, I can always take it again at the end of the year and I still have my masters certificate for my resume regardless. Deep breaths!
Okay that's all for now - hope you all had a great weekend and I'm hoping this week goes quickly and easily!
Yesterday, I kind of got overwhelmed with everything that is going on. I think it's really hitting me how much extra time I am having to devote to my work and give up with my family and extra "me time." And since I am no longer eligible to make extra money to be at the events, it seems even more frustrating and time-consuming. We are just really busy right now and I can't wait until July when we have 11 days to ourselves away from computers and work and everything else. Hopefully my parents will behave and we can have an amazing trip! :) One month from tomorrow we leave for Alaska!
I am hopeful that I can pass this exam at the end of June, but I know it is very difficult and I'm trying to study as hard as I can without putting too much pressure on myself just in case. I want to pass and succeed and use it to get out of here, but if I don't, I can always take it again at the end of the year and I still have my masters certificate for my resume regardless. Deep breaths!
Okay that's all for now - hope you all had a great weekend and I'm hoping this week goes quickly and easily!
6.01.2010
Restless
All day I have felt restless. It's probably because of the fact that I have a million and one things bouncing around my brain right now! And the fact that I just had a vacation not too long ago, a three day weekend last weekend, and another three day weekend coming up for a wedding this weekend. Two nights from now, we will be heading to Austin for the festivities to begin.
This week I am preparing for my intern group to arrive. Our first meeting will be this Sunday night where I will get to enjoy a good dinner with them, but it will be my first real time of having to do extra "work" without the benefit of OT/DT to sweeten the deal. I'm not looking forward to "working for free" this summer, but it is what it is. I feel pretty good about having prepared most of it ahead of time, so I'm not too stressed about being out on Friday before they arrive.
At the wedding this weekend, I am not only the matron of honor but I am also doing all of the flowers for the wedding. I'm really excited about doing the flowers and a little nervous too. I went this weekend and got all of the little extras I needed (floral tape, floral clay, foam balls, etc.). I can't wait for it to be done and hopefully look awesome so I can take lots of pictures to be proud of. It will be a great way for me to express my creativity so I'm really excited to see my vision be a reality. Now if I can just get through Friday and the ceremony, then I can really enjoy the reception!
This weekend, I received an e-mail through Linked!n regarding a position similar to mine with another firm similar to mine. I think the reputation of my firm is better, but I e-mailed back to just get some more details including the salary range they were considering for the position. Unfortunately, it's about the same as what I am making now, although they are only requiring 2 years of experience and I have 5! It would have been nice to be making this much 3 years ago! I have to believe that one of these days, someone out there is going to see my true worth and give me a position that will challenge me and give me the money and benefits I deserve.
In the meantime, I will continue my classes (finished the first one this weekend - woohoo!) and work hard here to see what happens. I have given up on a real future here even though it makes me want to cry to even think about having to leave, but I am probably going to need to stick around until the end of the year/beginning of the new year in order to get all of my classes completed and paid for by the company. I remain hopeful for my big break - I know they are out there because I have examples of them nearby through friends and former coworkers. I just need my turn! :)
Guess that's all for now - I will probably try to leave in about an hour so I can at least be at home and read or something to try to relax my brain a bit since it's on overdrive with all of this right now. I need to take things one day at a time and just be thankful for what I have right now - but I can still continue to push myself for even more because I know I can get it and I know I deserve it.
This past weekend was pretty fabulous as was our vacation so I'm looking forward to more good days ahead! :)
This week I am preparing for my intern group to arrive. Our first meeting will be this Sunday night where I will get to enjoy a good dinner with them, but it will be my first real time of having to do extra "work" without the benefit of OT/DT to sweeten the deal. I'm not looking forward to "working for free" this summer, but it is what it is. I feel pretty good about having prepared most of it ahead of time, so I'm not too stressed about being out on Friday before they arrive.
At the wedding this weekend, I am not only the matron of honor but I am also doing all of the flowers for the wedding. I'm really excited about doing the flowers and a little nervous too. I went this weekend and got all of the little extras I needed (floral tape, floral clay, foam balls, etc.). I can't wait for it to be done and hopefully look awesome so I can take lots of pictures to be proud of. It will be a great way for me to express my creativity so I'm really excited to see my vision be a reality. Now if I can just get through Friday and the ceremony, then I can really enjoy the reception!
This weekend, I received an e-mail through Linked!n regarding a position similar to mine with another firm similar to mine. I think the reputation of my firm is better, but I e-mailed back to just get some more details including the salary range they were considering for the position. Unfortunately, it's about the same as what I am making now, although they are only requiring 2 years of experience and I have 5! It would have been nice to be making this much 3 years ago! I have to believe that one of these days, someone out there is going to see my true worth and give me a position that will challenge me and give me the money and benefits I deserve.
In the meantime, I will continue my classes (finished the first one this weekend - woohoo!) and work hard here to see what happens. I have given up on a real future here even though it makes me want to cry to even think about having to leave, but I am probably going to need to stick around until the end of the year/beginning of the new year in order to get all of my classes completed and paid for by the company. I remain hopeful for my big break - I know they are out there because I have examples of them nearby through friends and former coworkers. I just need my turn! :)
Guess that's all for now - I will probably try to leave in about an hour so I can at least be at home and read or something to try to relax my brain a bit since it's on overdrive with all of this right now. I need to take things one day at a time and just be thankful for what I have right now - but I can still continue to push myself for even more because I know I can get it and I know I deserve it.
This past weekend was pretty fabulous as was our vacation so I'm looking forward to more good days ahead! :)
4.14.2010
The Poop Hit the Fan and Now I'm Cleaning up the Mess!
So I finally got my comp letter and review last week...and let's just say it was worst than I expected. I did get the promotion as I suspected, but the terms were awful because I will be making LESS money with my promotion than I did last year. It sucks but I'm dealing. I started a new workout schedule in the mornings this week to help manage everything between work, school, family, etc. It is working and makes me more positive and awake throughout the day. I have been talking to people at work about it and trying to figure out what to do and if anything can be changed. I'm gathering data on the hours I worked for the past few years and making a list of the additional responsibilities I will have over the next year. My boss isn't being helpful at all (when I asked her about it last Friday she told me she would find out more information and I haven't heard a peep from her), but I have other people on my side. EDITED: While I have other people on my side, they are started to become defeated by my boss and the powers that be and I don't think anything will be done to change things around here. So frustrating and sad at the same time!
On the positive side, I'm doing well in my class and have scheduled my professional exam for the end of June (was going to wait until December-January) so I can get that done and out of the way. So by the end of October I will be done with all of my school, can get reimbursed by my company, and then if in December or the new year something else great comes along, I will definitely be open to it! I know the people here think I do a really good job and would be freaked out if I was to leave, so I'm holding on to that for the next year until I can figure out my next move. :) I'm proud of myself for dealing with this the way I am and hope I can continue to be strong and take the steps I need to take.
On the positive side, I'm doing well in my class and have scheduled my professional exam for the end of June (was going to wait until December-January) so I can get that done and out of the way. So by the end of October I will be done with all of my school, can get reimbursed by my company, and then if in December or the new year something else great comes along, I will definitely be open to it! I know the people here think I do a really good job and would be freaked out if I was to leave, so I'm holding on to that for the next year until I can figure out my next move. :) I'm proud of myself for dealing with this the way I am and hope I can continue to be strong and take the steps I need to take.
3.22.2010
Sleepy Day
Last night, I didn't get very much sleep at all. I went to bed at a pretty decent time, but first I had a hard time falling asleep. I read for a little while, then got on the computer for a little while, and then finally when the sleep timer went off, I decided I would try to sleep. My husband fell asleep before me (which RARELY happens), and he had a cold from the weather changing so he was miserable all night. He then proceeded to make me miserable in turn all night by tossing and turning and moaning and complaining about how he didn't feel well. I swear, men are the biggest wimps when it comes to being sick. They get a little cold and they act like the world is ending. At least it's supposed to start warming up today, and hopefully the warm weather will stick around this time.
I have had a hard time motivating myself at work lately. There are a lot of factors to this. One is the fact that we aren't all that busy this time of year, so it is really hard for me to focus on the few things I do need to get done because they aren't pressing. Second is the fact that my boss, despite telling us she didn't want to do this any more, is micromanaging random things again, so even if I want to get stuff done, I need to wait for like 5 other people's approval before a decision can be made and she doesn't even present that decision to be made until the last minute because she is a procrastinator. So I figure I can't get it done anyways, might as well not do it right now. So I sit and wait A LOT waiting for her to get back to me on things. Good times!
Additionally, we are about to have our reviews sometime in the first week of April, so things are kind of teeter-tottering at this point. I have NO idea how the review will go because last year I wasn't expecting the goofiness that I got, so I have no expectations this year. Also, I am curious to see how things will go with my boss' reallocation which was already instated and how that will fare for the future after her own review. Things could get interesting around here in the next few weeks. I also have requested tuition reimbursement on a series of 3 classes to get a masters certificate. I am waiting patiently to hear back, but am hoping to hear something today or tomorrow as the classes start next Thursday and I need to get the materials ordered and here on time. There is no reason that they shouldn't cover them because I have been an employee here for 4.5 years and never asked for tuition reimbursement before, plus they are related to my job and will help make me more valuable and knowledgeable. So I don't know what the hold-up is but hopefully that will get approved later today and I can get registered for that.
Overall, this is a very boring post, but I wanted to update the world (not that anyone really reads - ha) on my current situation....hopefully I will get out of a rut one of these days. I'm ready for bigger and better things - I'm ready to show the world how great I can be if someone can just give me the chance. Until then, I will sit back and try my hardest and keep pushing myself so that maybe my wish will come true!
I have had a hard time motivating myself at work lately. There are a lot of factors to this. One is the fact that we aren't all that busy this time of year, so it is really hard for me to focus on the few things I do need to get done because they aren't pressing. Second is the fact that my boss, despite telling us she didn't want to do this any more, is micromanaging random things again, so even if I want to get stuff done, I need to wait for like 5 other people's approval before a decision can be made and she doesn't even present that decision to be made until the last minute because she is a procrastinator. So I figure I can't get it done anyways, might as well not do it right now. So I sit and wait A LOT waiting for her to get back to me on things. Good times!
Additionally, we are about to have our reviews sometime in the first week of April, so things are kind of teeter-tottering at this point. I have NO idea how the review will go because last year I wasn't expecting the goofiness that I got, so I have no expectations this year. Also, I am curious to see how things will go with my boss' reallocation which was already instated and how that will fare for the future after her own review. Things could get interesting around here in the next few weeks. I also have requested tuition reimbursement on a series of 3 classes to get a masters certificate. I am waiting patiently to hear back, but am hoping to hear something today or tomorrow as the classes start next Thursday and I need to get the materials ordered and here on time. There is no reason that they shouldn't cover them because I have been an employee here for 4.5 years and never asked for tuition reimbursement before, plus they are related to my job and will help make me more valuable and knowledgeable. So I don't know what the hold-up is but hopefully that will get approved later today and I can get registered for that.
Overall, this is a very boring post, but I wanted to update the world (not that anyone really reads - ha) on my current situation....hopefully I will get out of a rut one of these days. I'm ready for bigger and better things - I'm ready to show the world how great I can be if someone can just give me the chance. Until then, I will sit back and try my hardest and keep pushing myself so that maybe my wish will come true!
2.25.2010
Holes
I'm in a rut - I'm in a hole. I don't know how to dig out. I am just stuck and can't see the light up above any more. There are great things in the hole with me - loving husband, adorable son, great house, cars, material things. But I want us to be on solid ground. I want us to have something to celebrate (other than the wonderful day-to-day of course that I'm very thankful for). My job is sucking the life out of me. It's not bad by any means, and I am grateful to have it and think that I work for a pretty good company in the grand scheme of things. But I'm in a rut.
I feel like I'm treading water for 4.5 years and somehow can't manage to make it to the side to get out and move on. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get out. I apply for a job here or there only to be quickly denied because I don't quite meet the qualifications or there are 500 other people out there with even more experience. I don't think my resume speaks for me. I don't think it shows what a hard worker I am, how I go above and beyond in my work, rarely miss work save for a few vacations a year and once in awhile a sick day, and still manage to be a wife and a mother. Or how even when I have a million and one things go on with my specific duties, I still manage to find time to help out my coworkers or contribute to various committees/projects around the office to make it a better place. Those things don't show on my resume, and I don't know how to make them.
So I'm stuck. I am hoping to at least get a promotion (which I deserved last year but wasn't given for no good reason) this year but it's still not enough. It's just a promotion of title change and maybe a little salary bump, but there is no future here. And yet I can't seem to get out and find something else either. So I feel like I'm trying with all of my might to claw on the sides of the hole and dig out, but every time I think I'm making progress, more dirt slides back in and keeps me buried where I am. I'm hopeful that one of these days someone will recognize the jewel that I am amongst the dirt and help to pull me out and give me another chance and let me be the person I know I can be. Until then, I guess I'll keep on treading and keep on pushing myself to find that light at the top of the hole.
I feel like I'm treading water for 4.5 years and somehow can't manage to make it to the side to get out and move on. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get out. I apply for a job here or there only to be quickly denied because I don't quite meet the qualifications or there are 500 other people out there with even more experience. I don't think my resume speaks for me. I don't think it shows what a hard worker I am, how I go above and beyond in my work, rarely miss work save for a few vacations a year and once in awhile a sick day, and still manage to be a wife and a mother. Or how even when I have a million and one things go on with my specific duties, I still manage to find time to help out my coworkers or contribute to various committees/projects around the office to make it a better place. Those things don't show on my resume, and I don't know how to make them.
So I'm stuck. I am hoping to at least get a promotion (which I deserved last year but wasn't given for no good reason) this year but it's still not enough. It's just a promotion of title change and maybe a little salary bump, but there is no future here. And yet I can't seem to get out and find something else either. So I feel like I'm trying with all of my might to claw on the sides of the hole and dig out, but every time I think I'm making progress, more dirt slides back in and keeps me buried where I am. I'm hopeful that one of these days someone will recognize the jewel that I am amongst the dirt and help to pull me out and give me another chance and let me be the person I know I can be. Until then, I guess I'll keep on treading and keep on pushing myself to find that light at the top of the hole.
2.04.2010
Lost?
My husband and I LOVE the TV show "Lost." I actually think that my husband may go into a depression when it ends this May. ;) The interesting thing about that show is that it has so many different scenarios and "realities" for the characters. So you really can think through and see all of the different paths a person's life can take based on the various choices they make and the outside influences that guide them.
As you know, I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction I want to take with my work life. I love what I do but I always feel like there is the "now what" creeping in. In college, I minored in psychology. It was always something I was interested in, and I really enjoyed nearly all of my psychology classes and did well in them. I found it fascinating the different ways the mind worked and all of the conditions that can affect a person. I sort of blew it off though as a fun thing to minor in, but nothing more. However, lately I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have pursued that a little farther and become a licensed professional counselor or something like that. I love helping people which would be a great fit, and I think I have a natural ability for it and people seem drawn to tell me their issues already.
The complication is that that would mean a total career change (yet again). Plus a few years of schooling of which I don't know how we would pay the tuition on top of everything else. So I keep trying to push that idea out of my mind because it's not realistic. But what is? Is sitting around waiting for something to change in my current situation realistic?
We got a letter from the new pastor at the church where Cooper's school is. He is starting a new series this weekend about opening doors, and the letter really spoke to me. It talked about getting enough courage to try something that you've always wanted to do or to tell someone something you've been holding back. The 2nd doesn't apply to me, but the first really hit home and I sort of saw it as a sign. I am hoping we can go this Sunday and check it out and listen to what he says. Maybe it will give me some clarity. I had a dream last weekend that Austin told me that he had got a call from God. Ever since, I feel like He is trying to communicate with me somehow and if I could just get there to talk to Him, I would have some clarity.
2010 is one of those years where I just feel something big is going to happen. I don't know what that is yet or what direction it may take me, but I'm ready. I love my life and my family and I'm so thankful for all that we have. I am just ready to take that next step, whatever it is, in my life and career. So even though I feel a little lost sometimes lately, I'm hoping that, like the show, this period of time will soon be over.
As you know, I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction I want to take with my work life. I love what I do but I always feel like there is the "now what" creeping in. In college, I minored in psychology. It was always something I was interested in, and I really enjoyed nearly all of my psychology classes and did well in them. I found it fascinating the different ways the mind worked and all of the conditions that can affect a person. I sort of blew it off though as a fun thing to minor in, but nothing more. However, lately I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have pursued that a little farther and become a licensed professional counselor or something like that. I love helping people which would be a great fit, and I think I have a natural ability for it and people seem drawn to tell me their issues already.
The complication is that that would mean a total career change (yet again). Plus a few years of schooling of which I don't know how we would pay the tuition on top of everything else. So I keep trying to push that idea out of my mind because it's not realistic. But what is? Is sitting around waiting for something to change in my current situation realistic?
We got a letter from the new pastor at the church where Cooper's school is. He is starting a new series this weekend about opening doors, and the letter really spoke to me. It talked about getting enough courage to try something that you've always wanted to do or to tell someone something you've been holding back. The 2nd doesn't apply to me, but the first really hit home and I sort of saw it as a sign. I am hoping we can go this Sunday and check it out and listen to what he says. Maybe it will give me some clarity. I had a dream last weekend that Austin told me that he had got a call from God. Ever since, I feel like He is trying to communicate with me somehow and if I could just get there to talk to Him, I would have some clarity.
2010 is one of those years where I just feel something big is going to happen. I don't know what that is yet or what direction it may take me, but I'm ready. I love my life and my family and I'm so thankful for all that we have. I am just ready to take that next step, whatever it is, in my life and career. So even though I feel a little lost sometimes lately, I'm hoping that, like the show, this period of time will soon be over.
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