Tick tock

Hmm...I haven't written in a few days mainly because I haven't had much positive to say and I don't want you all to think I'm such a negative person.  I know I have definitely been very negative lately, but that's not really me at all.  And it makes me even angrier at my work that they are making me into this bitter, angry person!  (which just sounds silly to say but it's the truth)  So I'm trying...trying not to focus on the negatives and focus on the positives, trying not to care as much about the things that are hurtful that go on around here and just show up for work and earn my paycheck and benefits, trying to figure out what's next for me and how to make it happen, trying to have patience to wait it out and find out what is in store for me.  I know there is a plan, just can't wait to see where that plan will take me.  It's time...

After delaying my review for days/weeks, I am finally scheduled to have my review in 1.5 hours.  I am dreading it.  Moreso because it is never a good thing here.  Actually, let me rephrase that - it hasn't been a good thing for the past few years.  Funny thing is that when I was brand new to the job and knew nothing about recruiting, I always got the highest rating, etc.  Now suddenly, when I've been here almost 6 years and am lightyears ahead of where I was before, I never seem to be able to get the highest rating (2nd hightest but still).  And after the year I've had where I worked my butt off in both my regular job, the job I am doing for our GLOBAL recruiting team, AND for my local office in setting up a new mentorship program and training program, I find it hilarious that I likely will not be getting the highest rating.  Actually not hilarious - just infuriating! 

I also hate it because my boss typically hands me the review, tells me to read it while she stares at me (awkward!!!) and then wants to "talk about" which involves me having to push her on things I have questions about, her not having any answers, and her getting offended that I'm asking...I can't wait!  Here's hoping I can live through the next few hours and just have this bs over with!  Then maybe I can try to adjust my attitude to deal with this place for the temporary time being and keep working to find something new for the future.  Wish me luck!