War of My Life

I'm trying to listen to my iPod right now to not think of all the things in my head and the John Mayer song, "War of My Life" is on and I am just thinking about how appropriate it is right now.  I know it's dumb, but I really think I am in the war of my life right now.  I feel like I'm fighting for everything these days, mainly related to work and my future career. 

I told you this was going to be a stressful week because it's review time and every one is stressed out and crazy.  I went into this week thinking that if I could just survive this week, it would all be over and done with and I could move on in whatever direction God had planned for me.  But unfortunately I was wrong! 

I still have yet to have my review - in fact it hasn't even been schedule despite the fact that it was in our original process for HR that all reviews were to be delivered between April 1st and April 8th.  Yesterday, my coworker got ballsy enough to ask when our reviews might be and my boss said "Oh I thought I would do them next week." Um okay but why?!  And if we hadn't asked, were you planning on sharing that piece of information?  My boss told us then "How's Monday?", we said Ok and it is YET to be calendared for either of us.  All this despite the fact that my coworker got promoted and found out by looking on our internal peoplefinder program that she had gotten promoted, not because our boss actually TOLD her.  And I heard from my counterpart in LA who actually did get her review on Monday morning that they may be changing us back from exempt to non-exempt again so I have no clue what that means for my salary, etc. 

Additionally, our boss got HER review yesterday directly across the hall from us (her boss sits directly across from my coworker/my office and our offices both have glass walls so you can see directly across from one to the other).  Must be nice!  I was stupid and got my hopes up that they would ACTUALLY take the feedback they asked for and had received and do something about it, but it doesn't seem that way.  She is like a slippery seal and gets by with everything and I work my @$$ off and get nothing.  Fair huh?!  :)  

Additionally, she had a meeting with my other two bosses this morning and didn't invite me.  Not sure why or what it was about - I was hoping that meant they had actually decided to take her off my direct report and that she was talking about it with them before talking to me.  But she left that meeting and came into another meeting that I was supposed to be leading and proceeded to try to take over my meeting, change up things I was working on and had already talked to her about, and genuinely giving the impression that she was running the show when an hour before she hadn't a clue or care about what was going on.  So now I'm afraid that the direct OPPOSITE of what I wanted is going to happen and now she will micromanage me again.

I'm not trying to be dramatic - I really am not, but there are certain things that need to happen to make this job tolerable again.  I have woken up twice this week (once this morning, once on Tuesday morning I think it was?) at 3 in the morning and while I am no longer having panic attacks as well, I just lie there in bed awake for about 2 hours thinking about everything and then fall back to sleep for about an hour before I have to get up for work.  I may be goofy but I don't believe that a job should cause that much stress that it is waking you up in the middle of the night.  But what do I know?!  

I just don't know how much longer I can take this.  However, our family really relies on my income and benefits, so I'm going to have to find something really good before I can go somewhere else.  But I am just going to start looking even harder and praying about it, and I know that something will come along one way or another.  God is testing me for a reason, just ready to find out what it is and why.  Of course all of this comes right before my hubby's birthday (his birthday is actually on Monday), so I'm trying my hardest to get it all out of my system before I get home tonight so that I can *try* to be happy and celebrate with him.  He doesn't deserve to be punished for my crappy situation at work, so I need to get a better attitude before then (hence the need for my angry blog! ha!).  

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend and hope I can survive another few days of this chaos and then can figure out what's next!