Today was another crazy day. The difference was the attitude I chose to approach my day with. I decided that no matter what I would stay positive and try not to get frustrated with what was happening because right now, I needed to figure out a way to deal with it. And the best part was when I went to go into the meeting with my new executive leader and my extra special school lead, I actually was in the right and it felt so good! Everything I had been trying to tell this guy and he was blowing me off like I was crazy was repeated by the executive. We were on the same page and the school lead was the one having to be on the defensive and be the odd man out. I'm sure it won't last forever, but for today at least he was was squirming a bit being put on the spot and being questioned. I have to take the small victories where I can get them. :)
The rest of the day was pretty much chao and still frustrating in ways but I refused to let it break me and I felt redeemed if even only for a moment. And I decided yesterday that no matter what I would leave on time today to make my Zumba class even if that meant I would have to get online tonight to get more work done. Thankfully I was able to leave on time, made Zumba (although had a hillariously ridiculous instructor substituting tonight for our usual one we like), and then headed home for some much needed time with my guys and relaxing (and didn't even have to get online to work more!).
In other news, my question is - has anyone found an app for the ipad or iphone that they like? I saw there was an iphone app for Blogger and then some other ipad Blogger extra app. Has anyone used these? Is the extra one for the ipad worth it? Please let me know! :)
Hope everyone had a fabulous day and here's to hoping I can survive this craziness until I can figure out what truly is next!
8.06.2012
8.05.2012
Mistakes
Mistakes are a part of life. We learn that at an early age, and if we are taught well and listen well, we learn and grow from them so as not to make the same ones again and to guide our future away from them. I've been thinking a lot lately about mistakes so I decided it was time to wake up my blog again and get my thoughts out on here so *maybe* I can get some sleep tonight!
Last Saturday night, I was up nearly all night long because I had found out that I had made a small input error on something at work. It was stupid and turned out not to be a huge deal at all, but I was devastated. I was in tears on and off all afternoon and evening, I barely slept a wink, I sent an e-mail to my boss at like 1 in the morning to tell her what happened and apologize and ask her help in correcting in, and I still haven't forgotten it even though it has since been corrected and my boss never got upset with me and told me Sunday morning to relax and not worry.
It wasn't the fact that I made a mistake - I've made plenty in my life - it's just that it was kind of the culmination of things I had been thinking about lately in regards to work and not the type of thing I typically do at all. I am not perfect by any means - I will be the first to admit that. However, I am a perfectionist and especially when it comes to work, I rarely make mistakes and when I do, they are simple tiny ones that reusing an old e-mail and forgetting to correct one tiny portion of it which I can easily resend or things like that. Never something like this that turned out to be easy but really was kind of a big deal (at least in my mind).
This Saturday evening, I'm on the verge of not sleeping much again and mainly because I have been thinking all day in the back of my mind (and many other days lately) that I made a mistake in taking my new job. It's hard to admit it and just typing it out and seeing it in writing is difficult. And yet it's a little freeing to finally admit it as well. I didn't see it at first, but when the shiny new wore off a few months in, I started wondering about it. At first, it was this nagging feeling in the very back of my mind that something was off. But over the past few months it has gotten aggressively louder and has been weighing on me more heavily.
As you can tell, I don't like making mistakes (or admitting them - ha!). So to be sitting here 9 months after I took this job and be feeling like I made a mistake doesn't sit well with me. It's not really to say that I want to be back at my old company because that was terrible and stressful and awful in many ways. But it was familiar at least - I knew the stressors there and how to deal with them, I was well respected and acknowledged for being knowledgeable and while I wouldn't have lasted much longer there without losing it (ha), I probably could have stuck it out a little while longer until I found something else that was right. However, I am trying to remember the terrible things there outweighed the good at the end and the quote that you can't start a new chapter if you are constantly re-reading the last one.
Unfortunately, I think my misery there clouded my judgment and I drank up every word they told me in the interview process. Sure, I asked questions, and I told them flat out why I was wanting to leave my job, so they very well knew the things that I needed and was looking for out of a new position. And yet it appears that they lied about them (at least a little bit). I think the company as a whole has the intentions of providing many of the things I was looking for (professional development, mobility, etc.), but either my team or the larger organization that I work within is very restrictive on these dimensions.
When I sat through my first call to discuss my two employees for their mid-point review and heard the discussions that they were having and how ratings had to be in a forced distribution so if the managers called out too many rockstars, that became the new "average" and everyone was knocked down, I left that day and drove home in tears because I knew what that meant. My visions of promotions, career development, etc. were a pipe dream for the most part. Yes, they have praised my work and I've gotten some great feedback in the 9 months I've been there so I KNOW I am good at what I do.
However, I haven't really been recognized for it in any way and my mid-point review was fine but the focus there relies solely on the numbers I am bringing in the door. I hate that. My type of work should be based on relationships, not on numbers. Yes, we should hit our targets (which I always did and exceeded at my old company), but my individual results were never so targeted as they are here. It feels more like a sales position (without the commission) and I don't like that. There is no care for relationships or how you are increasing the brand on campus or how you are elevating how students see the company. It's all about pushing them through the process and getting the numbers on the back end. There is so much we DON'T have any control of here - I can't fight for my candidates during debriefs, I can't really even influence the pipeline all that much due to a number of other factors working against me.
And to top it all off, they have given me one of the most difficult people in the company to work for as one of my school managers (which is TOTALLY opposite of what I had at my last company where I got to handpick my school managers and most of them were people I had hired when I first started there). It doesn't matter what I say or do - it is NEVER good enough. I clearly am not smart enough to write e-mails or present him with ideas or anything. He has to ask 800 other people who he deems better than me (you know people in the business as opposed to me who has 7 years experience in this specific field!) and they have to tell him the same thing for him to get it and then it's suddenly his idea and he acts like I never even mentioned it. How am I supposed to excel with that?
Or the other school they gave me where they wouldn't even let me talk to that team or the school manager until literally last week and school starts in a few weeks and the last recruiter who had the school before me didn't bother to do much of ANYTHING to prepare for the fall. Seriously? In such a forced distribution, required numbers environment, how I am ever going to make it?
The commute is also getting to me much more than I thought it would. I now drive over 30 miles each way to and from work. Luckily, I have been able to work from home 1-2 days a week since about April, but I think that will soon come to an end in the coming weeks so that won't really cut it. I spend 1.25-1.5 each way in traffic. I leave the house around 7:20 to take my son to school/camp and don't get into work until almost 8:45 (so I'm sure that seems late to them) and then try to leave around 5:15 most days but don't get home until 6:45. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day from my house! The days I work from home I usually end up working 10 hours+ trying to get everything done. Oh and they have shipped me to the corporate headquarters several states away 3 times already since I started (2 of which were pretty useless and could have been accomplished on the phone/web) in addition to traveling in the winter (which I never did before) and now about to have at least four 2 night trips in September and October to the coldest places they could find ;)
Ugh, I probably sound like such a jerk for just complaining. I really do. But I needed so badly to get it out and just admit it that I'm not happy and that I've made a mistake. I'm not really sure how I'm going to fix it for now, but I will. It will probably take some time and a lot of tears and frustration in the meantime, but somehow I will find a way to fix it. In the meantime, I really need to figure out how to try to focus on the positives (time with my beautiful family and friends, working out - have been doing Zumba 3-5 times a week so proud of that, and doing the others things I really enjoy). I also get to have a week vacation at the beach with my family the week after this upcoming one (can not wait!) so hopefully that will give me more time to reflect and enjoy. For now, I ask your forgiveness as I vent and complain on here and hope to catch up with my blogging buddies soon. This just another part of my journey that isn't so smooth but I know there are better paved roads ahead and am so thankful for all that I do have and the precious days we have together.
Last Saturday night, I was up nearly all night long because I had found out that I had made a small input error on something at work. It was stupid and turned out not to be a huge deal at all, but I was devastated. I was in tears on and off all afternoon and evening, I barely slept a wink, I sent an e-mail to my boss at like 1 in the morning to tell her what happened and apologize and ask her help in correcting in, and I still haven't forgotten it even though it has since been corrected and my boss never got upset with me and told me Sunday morning to relax and not worry.
It wasn't the fact that I made a mistake - I've made plenty in my life - it's just that it was kind of the culmination of things I had been thinking about lately in regards to work and not the type of thing I typically do at all. I am not perfect by any means - I will be the first to admit that. However, I am a perfectionist and especially when it comes to work, I rarely make mistakes and when I do, they are simple tiny ones that reusing an old e-mail and forgetting to correct one tiny portion of it which I can easily resend or things like that. Never something like this that turned out to be easy but really was kind of a big deal (at least in my mind).
This Saturday evening, I'm on the verge of not sleeping much again and mainly because I have been thinking all day in the back of my mind (and many other days lately) that I made a mistake in taking my new job. It's hard to admit it and just typing it out and seeing it in writing is difficult. And yet it's a little freeing to finally admit it as well. I didn't see it at first, but when the shiny new wore off a few months in, I started wondering about it. At first, it was this nagging feeling in the very back of my mind that something was off. But over the past few months it has gotten aggressively louder and has been weighing on me more heavily.
As you can tell, I don't like making mistakes (or admitting them - ha!). So to be sitting here 9 months after I took this job and be feeling like I made a mistake doesn't sit well with me. It's not really to say that I want to be back at my old company because that was terrible and stressful and awful in many ways. But it was familiar at least - I knew the stressors there and how to deal with them, I was well respected and acknowledged for being knowledgeable and while I wouldn't have lasted much longer there without losing it (ha), I probably could have stuck it out a little while longer until I found something else that was right. However, I am trying to remember the terrible things there outweighed the good at the end and the quote that you can't start a new chapter if you are constantly re-reading the last one.
Unfortunately, I think my misery there clouded my judgment and I drank up every word they told me in the interview process. Sure, I asked questions, and I told them flat out why I was wanting to leave my job, so they very well knew the things that I needed and was looking for out of a new position. And yet it appears that they lied about them (at least a little bit). I think the company as a whole has the intentions of providing many of the things I was looking for (professional development, mobility, etc.), but either my team or the larger organization that I work within is very restrictive on these dimensions.
When I sat through my first call to discuss my two employees for their mid-point review and heard the discussions that they were having and how ratings had to be in a forced distribution so if the managers called out too many rockstars, that became the new "average" and everyone was knocked down, I left that day and drove home in tears because I knew what that meant. My visions of promotions, career development, etc. were a pipe dream for the most part. Yes, they have praised my work and I've gotten some great feedback in the 9 months I've been there so I KNOW I am good at what I do.
However, I haven't really been recognized for it in any way and my mid-point review was fine but the focus there relies solely on the numbers I am bringing in the door. I hate that. My type of work should be based on relationships, not on numbers. Yes, we should hit our targets (which I always did and exceeded at my old company), but my individual results were never so targeted as they are here. It feels more like a sales position (without the commission) and I don't like that. There is no care for relationships or how you are increasing the brand on campus or how you are elevating how students see the company. It's all about pushing them through the process and getting the numbers on the back end. There is so much we DON'T have any control of here - I can't fight for my candidates during debriefs, I can't really even influence the pipeline all that much due to a number of other factors working against me.
And to top it all off, they have given me one of the most difficult people in the company to work for as one of my school managers (which is TOTALLY opposite of what I had at my last company where I got to handpick my school managers and most of them were people I had hired when I first started there). It doesn't matter what I say or do - it is NEVER good enough. I clearly am not smart enough to write e-mails or present him with ideas or anything. He has to ask 800 other people who he deems better than me (you know people in the business as opposed to me who has 7 years experience in this specific field!) and they have to tell him the same thing for him to get it and then it's suddenly his idea and he acts like I never even mentioned it. How am I supposed to excel with that?
Or the other school they gave me where they wouldn't even let me talk to that team or the school manager until literally last week and school starts in a few weeks and the last recruiter who had the school before me didn't bother to do much of ANYTHING to prepare for the fall. Seriously? In such a forced distribution, required numbers environment, how I am ever going to make it?
The commute is also getting to me much more than I thought it would. I now drive over 30 miles each way to and from work. Luckily, I have been able to work from home 1-2 days a week since about April, but I think that will soon come to an end in the coming weeks so that won't really cut it. I spend 1.25-1.5 each way in traffic. I leave the house around 7:20 to take my son to school/camp and don't get into work until almost 8:45 (so I'm sure that seems late to them) and then try to leave around 5:15 most days but don't get home until 6:45. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day from my house! The days I work from home I usually end up working 10 hours+ trying to get everything done. Oh and they have shipped me to the corporate headquarters several states away 3 times already since I started (2 of which were pretty useless and could have been accomplished on the phone/web) in addition to traveling in the winter (which I never did before) and now about to have at least four 2 night trips in September and October to the coldest places they could find ;)
Ugh, I probably sound like such a jerk for just complaining. I really do. But I needed so badly to get it out and just admit it that I'm not happy and that I've made a mistake. I'm not really sure how I'm going to fix it for now, but I will. It will probably take some time and a lot of tears and frustration in the meantime, but somehow I will find a way to fix it. In the meantime, I really need to figure out how to try to focus on the positives (time with my beautiful family and friends, working out - have been doing Zumba 3-5 times a week so proud of that, and doing the others things I really enjoy). I also get to have a week vacation at the beach with my family the week after this upcoming one (can not wait!) so hopefully that will give me more time to reflect and enjoy. For now, I ask your forgiveness as I vent and complain on here and hope to catch up with my blogging buddies soon. This just another part of my journey that isn't so smooth but I know there are better paved roads ahead and am so thankful for all that I do have and the precious days we have together.
10.24.2011
Changes
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain
This is my new favorite quote, probably because it describes exactly how I feel right now. I decided to take the offer with the new company and I'm really excited. Part of me is sad to leave the people at this company behind and I know that I am good at this job, but I'll be doing something similar but with greater opportunities and more senior respect and responsibilities which will be awesome! So I'm sailing away from safe harbor to see where the wind shall take me! :) I have a few more weeks at this job and then off to explore the new company and situation.
I'm so excited about this opportunity and the flexibility and all of the good things that will come with it. I had a really rough day at work on Friday due to lack of help and support in the office and just a million things resting on my shoulders. But luckily having given my notice, I know that this is all going to be gone/different soon enough. I just need to get through the next few weeks and then see what is out there waiting for me! Hope you all are doing well and can't wait to update you soon on my new adventures!
This is my new favorite quote, probably because it describes exactly how I feel right now. I decided to take the offer with the new company and I'm really excited. Part of me is sad to leave the people at this company behind and I know that I am good at this job, but I'll be doing something similar but with greater opportunities and more senior respect and responsibilities which will be awesome! So I'm sailing away from safe harbor to see where the wind shall take me! :) I have a few more weeks at this job and then off to explore the new company and situation.
I'm so excited about this opportunity and the flexibility and all of the good things that will come with it. I had a really rough day at work on Friday due to lack of help and support in the office and just a million things resting on my shoulders. But luckily having given my notice, I know that this is all going to be gone/different soon enough. I just need to get through the next few weeks and then see what is out there waiting for me! Hope you all are doing well and can't wait to update you soon on my new adventures!
10.17.2011
Cheers to the Freakin' Weekend
Yeah, yeah! Ha! We had a wonderful weekend this weekend. Mainly because I got a phone call on Friday afternoon just after I was complaining that I wasn't going to hear anything. And I GOT THE OFFER! I'm so excited!!!
I got the rest of the details on Saturday morning and reviewed everything, and I think it's going to be great. I have asked them to visit the local building and people here briefly (hopefully tomorrow) as one final check, but I think I will likely give my notice on Wednesday. They are being super kind and allowing me some extra time to give notice, and I could technically finish my big weekend event here and start that following Monday with them. It would be tiring but it would be nice to my current company and would allow me to start with them sooner than later. So I'm hoping they write back soon with plans for tomorrow and then I can get this show on the road.
I had a brief moment of panic this weekend because the insurance isn't quite as good as what I have now. But then I remembered what I had now is obscenely good, and this is still really really good and hopefully we can all stay healthier and not have to worry about it quite as much. It's also weird to think that after 6+ years I might be going to work at a different place. But the opportunities at this company are endless and I really think it will be a great move for me!
So excited - I'll let you know how the visit goes. Now does someone want to give my notice here for me? I'm dreading that part a little bit. :)
I got the rest of the details on Saturday morning and reviewed everything, and I think it's going to be great. I have asked them to visit the local building and people here briefly (hopefully tomorrow) as one final check, but I think I will likely give my notice on Wednesday. They are being super kind and allowing me some extra time to give notice, and I could technically finish my big weekend event here and start that following Monday with them. It would be tiring but it would be nice to my current company and would allow me to start with them sooner than later. So I'm hoping they write back soon with plans for tomorrow and then I can get this show on the road.
I had a brief moment of panic this weekend because the insurance isn't quite as good as what I have now. But then I remembered what I had now is obscenely good, and this is still really really good and hopefully we can all stay healthier and not have to worry about it quite as much. It's also weird to think that after 6+ years I might be going to work at a different place. But the opportunities at this company are endless and I really think it will be a great move for me!
So excited - I'll let you know how the visit goes. Now does someone want to give my notice here for me? I'm dreading that part a little bit. :)
10.14.2011
Tick tock
So....I went on Tuesday from my vacation up to the East Coast to interview with a company that I've been interviewing with for a few weeks (had phone interviews, tests(!), etc. and then they invited me in person). The position would be here where I live, but their headquarters are up there and the management is up there as well.
They treated me right - expensive air tickets, car service to/from the airport and business, meals, etc. I clicked really well with the people who would be directly above me and it sounds like a really really great opportunity where I would get to focus on some more senior level duties with support underneath me and from above as well as the opportunity to manage someone else. So now I'm just waiting to hear back...I was hoping to hear something by today but since they are on the East Coast, I'm thinking we are too close to Friday afternoon to really hear anything today. So I will try not to think about it this weekend hope that my week starts off great with a potential offer! :) Or ideally they will call me in the next hour or two instead! Either way, fingers crossed because this might just be the one!
They treated me right - expensive air tickets, car service to/from the airport and business, meals, etc. I clicked really well with the people who would be directly above me and it sounds like a really really great opportunity where I would get to focus on some more senior level duties with support underneath me and from above as well as the opportunity to manage someone else. So now I'm just waiting to hear back...I was hoping to hear something by today but since they are on the East Coast, I'm thinking we are too close to Friday afternoon to really hear anything today. So I will try not to think about it this weekend hope that my week starts off great with a potential offer! :) Or ideally they will call me in the next hour or two instead! Either way, fingers crossed because this might just be the one!
10.04.2011
Should have known better
Glimmer of hope officially out...on to find the next one. Need to find the one that opens the box to the full light! :) One day....
Today
Today I found myself crying (not sobbing at least, just tears coming out occasionally) on an airplane. Yet another week of travel for me. Left this afternoon and then out of town in 2 different cities for work before coming home late Thursday evening. My parents are flying through home on Thursday afternoon to pick up my son and take him to another city south of where we live for a long weekend so I won't even get to see him until my husband and I arrive there on Friday evening after driving after work. I will be home for a few hours to shower, unpack and repack, and then take the dog to the pet hotel first thing Friday morning before a day in the office and then hopefully hit the road by 4 pm for a long weekend with my family until Tuesday. I really need the break. I am going to have to work some but hopefully not too much.
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
9.19.2011
Updates
I am sitting in my hotel room in a city south of my own and I've been working all night and now need to go to sleep because we have an early start to the day tomorrow morning. But I decided it was time to stop neglecting this thing and at least put an update. I miss my buddies more than I can imagine and have to sleep 3 nights before I get to see them again on Thursday evening, but then it will almost be the weekend at least! :)
We had a fabulous weekend this past weekend. We made it extra special because we knew I was going to be out of town most of the week. Hubby and I went to the movies (finally!) to see "Crazy Stupid Love" which was great at a matinee and then we picked up our son and went to dinner and then took him bowling for the first time. He got frustrated, but he had fun! Then Sunday, we went out to the balloon festival nearby. They didn't launch the balloons due to weather (we finally got rain this weekend!) but we still had fun! :)
Enough about that - I'm sure you are wondering about my last few posts. Let's see...the one I wrote about last, I did get called back for a final round of interviews with them. I met with two of the partners....and was really disappointed. I guess they were equally disappointed because that was 2.5 weeks ago and I NEVER HEARD BACK!!! What is up with companies being so rude? I took off two different time periods to interview with them, and was in the final round with I think only one other person. You'd think the least they could do is e-mail me back and say "no thanks." Even though I didn't want the job, I sent an e-mail about a week after the interviews to "check in" and still didn't hear anything. Crazy!
I have done a lot of other phone interviews since then. I even did some more in-person interviews and lo and behold I even received an offer last Friday. I was pretty excited about it until I opened the documents and saw the benefits. I know I won't get the same benefits somewhere else as what I have here, but these are truly two ends of the spectrum and were REALLY bad across the board from insurance deductibles to vacation days to sick time. Ugh! So I called today and left a voicemail (I know bad, but I didn't have a choice - will follow up with an e-mail I think) and declined the offer. Back to the drawing board! I am really proud of getting the offer and that gave me a good little boost. Too bad it didn't work out!!!
I have either declined extra rounds for jobs I don't really like or finished most of the others except for one that I have another phone interview for this Wednesday. We'll see about that one, but I'm a little skeptical these days. So now I'm trying to figure out how the heck I can tolerate my current situation because in reality there are a lot of things I do like about it (even though I don't want to admit it). I just wish there were more career opportunities & recognition and I really wish I didn't have to report to my boss. But I"m thinking my best bet might be to talk to my other supervisors about possibly taking some more classes and getting a masters degree (with some company sponsorship I hope!) just to occupy my time and keep me learning. Tossing around the idea and talking to one school admissions counselor later this week as well as attending a "virtual open house" next week too...so we shall see.
I need to get some rest so I'm going to have to sign off for now but will try to write more this week when I'm hanging around. :) Hope you all are great and I will keep trying to find the positives more often!
We had a fabulous weekend this past weekend. We made it extra special because we knew I was going to be out of town most of the week. Hubby and I went to the movies (finally!) to see "Crazy Stupid Love" which was great at a matinee and then we picked up our son and went to dinner and then took him bowling for the first time. He got frustrated, but he had fun! Then Sunday, we went out to the balloon festival nearby. They didn't launch the balloons due to weather (we finally got rain this weekend!) but we still had fun! :)
Enough about that - I'm sure you are wondering about my last few posts. Let's see...the one I wrote about last, I did get called back for a final round of interviews with them. I met with two of the partners....and was really disappointed. I guess they were equally disappointed because that was 2.5 weeks ago and I NEVER HEARD BACK!!! What is up with companies being so rude? I took off two different time periods to interview with them, and was in the final round with I think only one other person. You'd think the least they could do is e-mail me back and say "no thanks." Even though I didn't want the job, I sent an e-mail about a week after the interviews to "check in" and still didn't hear anything. Crazy!
I have done a lot of other phone interviews since then. I even did some more in-person interviews and lo and behold I even received an offer last Friday. I was pretty excited about it until I opened the documents and saw the benefits. I know I won't get the same benefits somewhere else as what I have here, but these are truly two ends of the spectrum and were REALLY bad across the board from insurance deductibles to vacation days to sick time. Ugh! So I called today and left a voicemail (I know bad, but I didn't have a choice - will follow up with an e-mail I think) and declined the offer. Back to the drawing board! I am really proud of getting the offer and that gave me a good little boost. Too bad it didn't work out!!!
I have either declined extra rounds for jobs I don't really like or finished most of the others except for one that I have another phone interview for this Wednesday. We'll see about that one, but I'm a little skeptical these days. So now I'm trying to figure out how the heck I can tolerate my current situation because in reality there are a lot of things I do like about it (even though I don't want to admit it). I just wish there were more career opportunities & recognition and I really wish I didn't have to report to my boss. But I"m thinking my best bet might be to talk to my other supervisors about possibly taking some more classes and getting a masters degree (with some company sponsorship I hope!) just to occupy my time and keep me learning. Tossing around the idea and talking to one school admissions counselor later this week as well as attending a "virtual open house" next week too...so we shall see.
I need to get some rest so I'm going to have to sign off for now but will try to write more this week when I'm hanging around. :) Hope you all are great and I will keep trying to find the positives more often!
8.26.2011
Happy Friday!
So I survived the interview yesterday! It was really pretty great actually and even if I don't get called back for third rounds, I feel good about how I presented myself and the admiration and respect that the people I met with had for me and my background. I am not one to brag about myself at all which I think is why interviews are difficult for me, but I definitely know my stuff in this world and was able to articulate it well I think.
The "boss" of this position seemed awesome! She was very down to earth, has two little girls so understands the work/life balance needs, and is more in my working style with planning ahead and checking things off the list to get them done. She also doesn't like to micromanage people and is really looking for someone who will be a team player and help to drive some change. I really think we "clicked" and I'm hoping she thought so too. She introduced me to the other members of the team afterwards which I thought was a good sign as well, but who knows. The other person I met with was the HR leader of the group that this position hires into and she seemed really great too. She gave me hope as well because she said that she has been able to try out 4 different positions in the 6 years she has been there and is the type of person who likes to get in to a job, learn it, improve it, and move forward, and I think that's a little bit how I am as well. So it was encouraging to hear that they are at least "open" to that possibility unlike here where it is groundhogs day for eternity.
Pros: Really liked the people, the boss seems WAY better, there is a support staff of two additional people to help, I would have less crazy responsibility for a million and one things and would have the ability to concentrate more deeply on building relationships with the students and internal recruiters, possible career development opportunities available, supportive of continuing education, seem pretty flexible on hours and I read online (though they didn't mention it so maybe it doesn't apply to all staff) that they do flexible fridays during the summer where from Memorial Day to Labor Day you can work 9/80 and have every other Friday off!, better title
Cons: The office environment is a little more stuffy looking although it seems like the people are fun and they still do fun events and things. The office location is farther from home BUT our office is scheduled to move there or near there next year anyways and this office at least is on the side where I might POSSIBLY be able to take the train. The benefits are not quite as good on the insurance side (higher deductible, copays, percentage of responsibility, etc.), but we have ridiculously good insurance here (part of the reason I'm scared to leave) so I don't know if I will ever find something this good again and this potential position has better insurance than most.
Neutral: It is very similar to what I'm doing now so I would have to prove myself for a few years probably before I could be considered for advancement.
So we shall see. Next step would be to go back (should hear by early next week I'm hoping) and meet with some of the partners involved in the department. And then it is offer time. So we shall see how this all works out. I also have a call set up next week with someone at my current job about a global job (which I'm not really qualified for but asked the manager about it and career advice in general at our company) and am looking forward to at least hearing what she has to say. I at least had a positive experience with this interview, and for that I'm glad because it made me feel better about the world and my options in it! :) And now I'm excited to get to enjoy the weekend with my guys! Hope you all have a great one and fingers crossed that whatever is meant to be happens soon!
The "boss" of this position seemed awesome! She was very down to earth, has two little girls so understands the work/life balance needs, and is more in my working style with planning ahead and checking things off the list to get them done. She also doesn't like to micromanage people and is really looking for someone who will be a team player and help to drive some change. I really think we "clicked" and I'm hoping she thought so too. She introduced me to the other members of the team afterwards which I thought was a good sign as well, but who knows. The other person I met with was the HR leader of the group that this position hires into and she seemed really great too. She gave me hope as well because she said that she has been able to try out 4 different positions in the 6 years she has been there and is the type of person who likes to get in to a job, learn it, improve it, and move forward, and I think that's a little bit how I am as well. So it was encouraging to hear that they are at least "open" to that possibility unlike here where it is groundhogs day for eternity.
Pros: Really liked the people, the boss seems WAY better, there is a support staff of two additional people to help, I would have less crazy responsibility for a million and one things and would have the ability to concentrate more deeply on building relationships with the students and internal recruiters, possible career development opportunities available, supportive of continuing education, seem pretty flexible on hours and I read online (though they didn't mention it so maybe it doesn't apply to all staff) that they do flexible fridays during the summer where from Memorial Day to Labor Day you can work 9/80 and have every other Friday off!, better title
Cons: The office environment is a little more stuffy looking although it seems like the people are fun and they still do fun events and things. The office location is farther from home BUT our office is scheduled to move there or near there next year anyways and this office at least is on the side where I might POSSIBLY be able to take the train. The benefits are not quite as good on the insurance side (higher deductible, copays, percentage of responsibility, etc.), but we have ridiculously good insurance here (part of the reason I'm scared to leave) so I don't know if I will ever find something this good again and this potential position has better insurance than most.
Neutral: It is very similar to what I'm doing now so I would have to prove myself for a few years probably before I could be considered for advancement.
So we shall see. Next step would be to go back (should hear by early next week I'm hoping) and meet with some of the partners involved in the department. And then it is offer time. So we shall see how this all works out. I also have a call set up next week with someone at my current job about a global job (which I'm not really qualified for but asked the manager about it and career advice in general at our company) and am looking forward to at least hearing what she has to say. I at least had a positive experience with this interview, and for that I'm glad because it made me feel better about the world and my options in it! :) And now I'm excited to get to enjoy the weekend with my guys! Hope you all have a great one and fingers crossed that whatever is meant to be happens soon!
8.25.2011
Nervous
I'm about to leave for my interview. I took the day off to relax and get stuff done around the house. But it's now almost time to head downtown and check things out. I haven't been on a real live interview in over 6 years! I've done several phone interviews - some good, some bad I guess, but this will be the first time I will be face to face interviewing with a company. It's exciting but scary at the same time. I'm trying to just go in with an open mind. My goal is to get the offer because I can always say no. But even just receiving another opportunity (even if I can't take it) will boost my mood/confidence to keep on trying. So wish me luck and at least let me do well and then I can figure it out from there! Everything happens for a reason! :)
8.23.2011
Little Man
Yesterday my baby boy started kindergarten. I really can't believe that he is already big enough to be starting real school. It seems like only yesterday I was cuddling him in my arms as a sweet newborn. The time really does fly by! It makes me question a little bit what I'm doing with my life and if time goes by so quickly, am I happy with how I'm living it?
I am so very very proud of him. He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!). He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days. Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness. It was the cutest thing ever! I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do. He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.
Instead, I often just feel like crying. I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more. I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying. I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude. I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage. So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+. So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever. I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either. It's a terrible predicament.
I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger. So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that. At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home. But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends. It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends. Ugh! I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!
I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety. I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse. But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us. I am trying to be patient. I really am!
For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life. I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in. :)
I am so very very proud of him. He has grown into such a fun, sweet, and loving boy (with the occasional temper too!). He has his own little personality and loves to carry on a conversation these days. Last night, he was telling me about how he got "green" (meaning he listened well) yesterday, and I asked him how he did that and he said "because I nailed it" in all seriousness. It was the cutest thing ever! I am so thankful for him in my life because without him and my hubby, I just really don't know what I would do. He especially brings me so much joy and I wish I could spend even more time learning from him to take life more simply and enjoy it.
Instead, I often just feel like crying. I just don't know what I'm doing with this job situation any more. I haven't heard back from the first "dream job" at all which I think is really strange and annoying. I'm okay with rejection, but just ignoring me completely is just plain rude. I have this other interview on Thursday, but I'm not all that enthusiastic about it because they sent me the benefits package with the e-mail confirmation for my interviews, and it is significantly more expensive (try double) what we are paying now and for much less coverage. So to make up in that difference alone would probably be $5k+. So I'm really bummed and feeling even more stuck than ever. I can't continue doing what I'm doing now and be happy and yet I can't really leave either. It's a terrible predicament.
I often wish I had been braver about figuring out what I wanted to do when I was younger. So maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in psychology and done counseling or maybe I could have gotten a masters degree in speech therapy or something like that. At least then I would have a career and a bit of a path of what I wanted to do and be and I could just switch jobs when I wanted to get a raise or better benefits or be closer to home. But now I am where I am and while I like what I do, it also takes me away from my family a lot (a lot more than what is made up for by the $$ or benefits), and it causes me a lot of stress (which is now showing through physically), and it causes me to miss out on things like working out or taking dance class or spending time with my family and friends. It also causes me to commute daily (and the commute is about to get longer if I switch to some jobs and/or when our office moves next year) and that's more time away from me, my family and friends. Ugh! I just feel really lost and frustrated right now...hope to feel better about this all soon!
I'm still going to go on Thursday for experience if nothing else, and I'm going this afternoon to the doctor to talk about some pains I've been experiencing lately in my arms as well as my anxiety. I know this will all get better soon and there are lots of other people out there dealing with way worse. But for me, it just feels like a very tough year and I'm ready for change to come to better it for all of us. I am trying to be patient. I really am!
For now, I will focus on the good in my life - like my son and his awesome love for school and excitement about life. I wish I could bottle it up and drink it in. :)
8.18.2011
Thank You
Thanks for your comments! They made me feel much better. I still have yet to hear back from them (so strange to me) and it's now one week since my interviews, but I'm trying not to think about it too much. In other good news, I received a call about another position yesterday (another good company) and did a phone interview that went well and they are setting up in-person interviews for me early next week. I don't think it's quite as an ideal situation as job #1 but still a great company and a better position than what I'm in now so it's worth a shot. Fingers crossed something great comes along for me soon! :)
Tonight is my son's "Meet the Teacher" night. I think we are all SUPER excited - I hope he/she is great! Of course I have to drive there and then back to downtown for a dinner tonight because my life couldn't get any busier/complicated if I tried! Ha! This morning one of my tires read really low so in my dress for work I filled it up and about to go check on it to make sure it's not going flat again. I'm hoping it was a random incident due to the heat!
In other good news, we tried out a church last Sunday that I've been wanting to try out for a long time, and we really liked it. I think we are going to go back again this Sunday and bring our son along this time and let him go to the Wee Worship that they have. Ha! Right now, I really need something like this in my life, so I'm glad it is starting to work out. Now I hope we can meet some great people there too because I'm getting really tired of all of my friends being crappy friends!!!
Other than that, not a whole lot else to report - just trying to survive day by day! Hope you all have a great rest of the week and hope to have good updates again soon. :)
Tonight is my son's "Meet the Teacher" night. I think we are all SUPER excited - I hope he/she is great! Of course I have to drive there and then back to downtown for a dinner tonight because my life couldn't get any busier/complicated if I tried! Ha! This morning one of my tires read really low so in my dress for work I filled it up and about to go check on it to make sure it's not going flat again. I'm hoping it was a random incident due to the heat!
In other good news, we tried out a church last Sunday that I've been wanting to try out for a long time, and we really liked it. I think we are going to go back again this Sunday and bring our son along this time and let him go to the Wee Worship that they have. Ha! Right now, I really need something like this in my life, so I'm glad it is starting to work out. Now I hope we can meet some great people there too because I'm getting really tired of all of my friends being crappy friends!!!
Other than that, not a whole lot else to report - just trying to survive day by day! Hope you all have a great rest of the week and hope to have good updates again soon. :)
8.16.2011
Heartbroken
Right now, I'm feeling heartbroken. I don't have a concrete reason yet because I haven't been told no yet, but I just have this feeling because I haven't heard anything at all that it's a no....
What I'm talking about is this set of interviews I had last week for a job that I would love to have. It would allow me to work from home up to 3 days a week, would like reduce my travel, and would finally give me the leadership and step-up opportunities I have so been craving. I've had 3 interviews now with 3 different people, the last two were last Thursday. And I really did think they went fabulously but maybe I always just think that and they are secretly hoping the call will end quickly!
I'm just confused because both of the Thursday interviews ended with how they thought we had such a great conversation and they seemed to be overly positive (which people wouldn't be too positive if that wasn't really the case). And although they haven't called or written to say no, they haven't called or written to say yes to meet with the last person, the boss of the position and the head honcho for the US. She is the one that had initially called me last Tuesday to ask if I wanted to set up the two additional interviews but I had only gotten a voicemail and never talked to her in person.
I sent an e-mail this morning to one of the ones I met with by phone last week and haven't received a response. I guess I should be happy with that since no response is better than we have decided to go a different direction. But for now, I am having a bad day/week/month and am deciding to be heartbroken instead. And write about it because it makes me feel better. If I could just forget about it for a little bit and see what happens, I would feel better. But that's really hard when misery is overwhelming me at work on a daily basis and I'm kind of at the edge of the brink here.
It will get better. I will stay positive. And even if this doesn't work out, it's because it's not meant to be and I will find something even better soon. Now if only I could convince my brain/heart of that as well! ;)
What I'm talking about is this set of interviews I had last week for a job that I would love to have. It would allow me to work from home up to 3 days a week, would like reduce my travel, and would finally give me the leadership and step-up opportunities I have so been craving. I've had 3 interviews now with 3 different people, the last two were last Thursday. And I really did think they went fabulously but maybe I always just think that and they are secretly hoping the call will end quickly!
I'm just confused because both of the Thursday interviews ended with how they thought we had such a great conversation and they seemed to be overly positive (which people wouldn't be too positive if that wasn't really the case). And although they haven't called or written to say no, they haven't called or written to say yes to meet with the last person, the boss of the position and the head honcho for the US. She is the one that had initially called me last Tuesday to ask if I wanted to set up the two additional interviews but I had only gotten a voicemail and never talked to her in person.
I sent an e-mail this morning to one of the ones I met with by phone last week and haven't received a response. I guess I should be happy with that since no response is better than we have decided to go a different direction. But for now, I am having a bad day/week/month and am deciding to be heartbroken instead. And write about it because it makes me feel better. If I could just forget about it for a little bit and see what happens, I would feel better. But that's really hard when misery is overwhelming me at work on a daily basis and I'm kind of at the edge of the brink here.
It will get better. I will stay positive. And even if this doesn't work out, it's because it's not meant to be and I will find something even better soon. Now if only I could convince my brain/heart of that as well! ;)
8.04.2011
Where Has the Time Gone?
Time flies these days. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a not so good way. I have a lot to write about but most of it is frustration so I've been avoiding writing because I don't want everyone to think of me as a negative person. I swear I'm not! I'm just ready for a change and my patience is wearing very thin with my work situation and yet there isn't much I can do about it. So I'm trying to suck it up and move forward and just hope that a positive change comes very soon!
On the positive side, we are on vacation this week at the beach. It's so relaxing. It's one thing I miss from growing up in Florida - the sound of the ocean and the way it can instaneously relax me. I wish it was closer so that when I'm stressed, I could just listen to the waves and relax. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to do it. I love spending time with my husband and son and not having to think about work too much (still have worked 1.5-2 hours each day but at least it's on my own time!). I love having time to read a good book (reading "One Day" this week and really enjoying it) and "sleeping in" a little bit until 7:30 or 8 and staying up a little later. I love enjoying all of the great seafood down here and get tanned at the beach and fishing and all of the fun things about this place.
I can't believe it but my son starts kindergarten in a few short weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. He has learned how to swim well this summer and is not afraid any more. He is doing so well with his school stuff and is excited about kindergarten which is great. I am a nerd and always loved school so I'm hoping he will feel the same. I hope he gets a great teacher!!!
My brief comment on work is that things are pretty much the same as before but EVEN WORSE because they have hired a complete idiot to be our employee in the other Texas office. She can't even use a computer properly. It's ridiculous. So instead of getting help, we are having to babysit someone and make things take longer. Good times! To top it off, every few weeks my boss randomly decides to yell at me for no reason whatsoever and I feel like I'm constantly under so much stress yet no additional pay or career path available. It's infuriating!
Before I left for vacation, my stress level had caused my shoulder/arm/back muscles to get so tense that I was having pains in my left arm which was then causing panic attacks because I of course thought I was having a heart attack or something. Luckily, I got a massage here on Monday and she was a lifesaver working it all out. I just hate what this job is doing to my body, but I also don't know when/if I can change it any time soon. I had a phone interview last week, but found out this week that they decided to not move forward with me for interviews. So I either stink at interviewing or they don't believe that I'm capable of as much as I am because the things my current work is doing to hold me back doesn't speak as highly of me as it should. Or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I need to resign myself to the fact that this is how things are and try to deal with it however I can for now.
We went to a church the weekend before we went out of town but didn't really like it. However, I'm really excited to try out another one not this weekend because we will just be getting home, but the next weekend I'm hoping we can go. I've heard it's great, I've watched a bunch of the sermons online, and I think it might be want we are looking for. Fingers crossed because I feel like I need that in my life right now (and wouldn't mind meeting some good people as many of our friends have been flaky lately!).
Also, if you haven't seen "Horrible Bosses" run to the theater now! I thought it was awesome. Be forewarned that there is a lot of bad language and "dirty" scenes, but it's HILARIOUS if you aren't offended by that type of thing. I think I love it so much because 1) I have a horrible boss myself! and 2) it is funny because it's so true to life on the idiosyncracies of work life.
I think that's all I've got for now - maybe I can keep up with this more by making time to write things out and hopefully that will help with the stress as well! I start traveling the week I get back (overnight trip to our other Texas office), then have one week off, and then start the next week with my heavy fall travel which will last through late October. Ugh! At least we are taking 2 days off in October for a mini-vacation with my parents during our son's fall break. For now, I'm going to enjoy the vacation - talk to you later!
P.S. Note to self - don't watch Shark Week when you're at the beach! My brother-in-law keeps putting it on and it's driving me crazy and making me scared to go into the ocean!
On the positive side, we are on vacation this week at the beach. It's so relaxing. It's one thing I miss from growing up in Florida - the sound of the ocean and the way it can instaneously relax me. I wish it was closer so that when I'm stressed, I could just listen to the waves and relax. This vacation couldn't have come at a better time and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to do it. I love spending time with my husband and son and not having to think about work too much (still have worked 1.5-2 hours each day but at least it's on my own time!). I love having time to read a good book (reading "One Day" this week and really enjoying it) and "sleeping in" a little bit until 7:30 or 8 and staying up a little later. I love enjoying all of the great seafood down here and get tanned at the beach and fishing and all of the fun things about this place.
I can't believe it but my son starts kindergarten in a few short weeks. I couldn't be prouder of him. He has learned how to swim well this summer and is not afraid any more. He is doing so well with his school stuff and is excited about kindergarten which is great. I am a nerd and always loved school so I'm hoping he will feel the same. I hope he gets a great teacher!!!
My brief comment on work is that things are pretty much the same as before but EVEN WORSE because they have hired a complete idiot to be our employee in the other Texas office. She can't even use a computer properly. It's ridiculous. So instead of getting help, we are having to babysit someone and make things take longer. Good times! To top it off, every few weeks my boss randomly decides to yell at me for no reason whatsoever and I feel like I'm constantly under so much stress yet no additional pay or career path available. It's infuriating!
Before I left for vacation, my stress level had caused my shoulder/arm/back muscles to get so tense that I was having pains in my left arm which was then causing panic attacks because I of course thought I was having a heart attack or something. Luckily, I got a massage here on Monday and she was a lifesaver working it all out. I just hate what this job is doing to my body, but I also don't know when/if I can change it any time soon. I had a phone interview last week, but found out this week that they decided to not move forward with me for interviews. So I either stink at interviewing or they don't believe that I'm capable of as much as I am because the things my current work is doing to hold me back doesn't speak as highly of me as it should. Or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I need to resign myself to the fact that this is how things are and try to deal with it however I can for now.
We went to a church the weekend before we went out of town but didn't really like it. However, I'm really excited to try out another one not this weekend because we will just be getting home, but the next weekend I'm hoping we can go. I've heard it's great, I've watched a bunch of the sermons online, and I think it might be want we are looking for. Fingers crossed because I feel like I need that in my life right now (and wouldn't mind meeting some good people as many of our friends have been flaky lately!).
Also, if you haven't seen "Horrible Bosses" run to the theater now! I thought it was awesome. Be forewarned that there is a lot of bad language and "dirty" scenes, but it's HILARIOUS if you aren't offended by that type of thing. I think I love it so much because 1) I have a horrible boss myself! and 2) it is funny because it's so true to life on the idiosyncracies of work life.
I think that's all I've got for now - maybe I can keep up with this more by making time to write things out and hopefully that will help with the stress as well! I start traveling the week I get back (overnight trip to our other Texas office), then have one week off, and then start the next week with my heavy fall travel which will last through late October. Ugh! At least we are taking 2 days off in October for a mini-vacation with my parents during our son's fall break. For now, I'm going to enjoy the vacation - talk to you later!
P.S. Note to self - don't watch Shark Week when you're at the beach! My brother-in-law keeps putting it on and it's driving me crazy and making me scared to go into the ocean!
6.15.2011
Aha!
I think I figured it out! It had something to do with the way my Internet Explorer was randomly blocking cookies on some sites, so I put blogger.com into my Always Allow cookies part of Options and now it seems to be working! Hurray! :)
In other news, I have about zero desire to work today so I've been doing stuff and scoping around on the Internet because we are going to Vegas this weekend! I hadn't really thought about it a lot before, but I'm excited now that it's almost here. My mom arrives tomorrow night to watch our son for the weekend, and my hubby and I are off to Vegas with his parents on Friday morning until Sunday (it's his dad's 60th birthday on Saturday so we are going out there to celebrate). I can't wait! Friday night we get to have a "date night" of sorts because we are going to see "O" and they have already been before so they aren't going with us. So we made reservations at a restaurant at the Paris hotel (we get to stay at the Bellagio!) and then will go see "O" and then I'm dragging hubby over to Caesar's to go to Serendipty3 for the Frozen Hot Chocolate - can't wait! :) If you have any other suggestions for the weekend, please let me know!
Will post again soon I hope!
In other news, I have about zero desire to work today so I've been doing stuff and scoping around on the Internet because we are going to Vegas this weekend! I hadn't really thought about it a lot before, but I'm excited now that it's almost here. My mom arrives tomorrow night to watch our son for the weekend, and my hubby and I are off to Vegas with his parents on Friday morning until Sunday (it's his dad's 60th birthday on Saturday so we are going out there to celebrate). I can't wait! Friday night we get to have a "date night" of sorts because we are going to see "O" and they have already been before so they aren't going with us. So we made reservations at a restaurant at the Paris hotel (we get to stay at the Bellagio!) and then will go see "O" and then I'm dragging hubby over to Caesar's to go to Serendipty3 for the Frozen Hot Chocolate - can't wait! :) If you have any other suggestions for the weekend, please let me know!
Will post again soon I hope!
6.13.2011
Help!!!
Okay this is seriously getting annoying! I can't comment on many of my blogger friends posts and it's make me mad!!! When I go to do it, it first tells me to sign in (even though I'm usually already signed in) and then when I enter my information, it shows my comment as "Anonymous" instead of me which I say fine whatever and put in the secret word and hit submit and it goes back to the sign in so I put in my sign in information AGAIN and it does this anonymous enter the word thing and never ever posts my comments. And it's making me sad! Does anyone know how I can fix this?!
6.09.2011
So much to write, so little time
Lately, I just haven't felt like I've had any time. I haven't had time for blogging, I haven't had time for working out, I haven't had time for reading, or me time, or hubby time, and barely any kiddo time. I just feel like I'm going 100 miles a minute in all directions and trying to keep up. That may explain why I took a 3 hour nap last Saturday because my body just couldn't do it all any more...too bad I still don't feel rested!!! ;)
I will try to remember all of the things I've been wanting to blog about, but just couldn't take the time. So here goes....
-Last Tuesday when I was in Boston, I was walking back to my hotel to get some work done from my room for the afternoon, and I happened to jump on FB on my phone. And through FB which has to be the absolute most difficult way, I found out that my good friend from high school, the one with the brain tumor who had tried to kill himself last fall I think it was, had died. The brain cancer had finally taken him. And no one called me...probably because I haven't been the best friend I could be lately. Which made me feel even worse. Because I should have called at least. Or I should have visited. The last time we "talked" was by e-mail in May, but I should have made the time to at least pick up the phone. Because now I can never talk to him again. And that makes me really really sad. I was shaking by the time I got on the elevator and up to my room, called our other friend and asked him what happened, and then spent the next hour or so sobbing alone in my room. I actually cried on and off all that week and still thining about it makes me want to cry. I was looking through pictures from high school and our wedding, and I just still can't believe he's gone. It really makes me think about life and how short it can be and how things can change so quickly. It was only 5 years ago that he got diagnosed, and while that was a long time for him to live with brain cancer, it was way too short to lose him at age 32. RIP Phil - you will be missed more than you know!
-With the bad news that week, I also got some really great news as well. On Thursday evening, I was selected for the "Recruiting Excellence Award" for the Americas. This basically means I was selected as the top recruiter out of all of the North & South American recruiters in our company. It was a huge honor and I'm excited that I will have a little trophy on my desk and my name up in Boston as well as a nice little bonus in my bank account. It made me really proud because after all of the b.s. I've been through here at work, it was nice to be finally recognized. Funny thing is that my boss has still NOT congratulated me even though she was sitting across from me at the table when I received it and numerous other people have congratulated me as soon as they found out. It's despicable really and makes me really sad/frustrated, but there isn't anything I can do about that and the awesome thing is this is one thing I got 100% on my own and it was out of her control and she can NEVER take it away from me!!!! Hopefully it will help on my resume if nothing else!
-We had really bad storms a few weeks ago so we had to replace our new fence in addition to the updates we did on our son's room. I'm thankful that we had the money to do it but annoyed to have to spend it that way! :) I'm just glad we didn't have more damage though!!!
-As I mentioned above, I'm struggling with this time thing. So I haven't had time to blog/comment as much, and I'm annoyed with blogger because I've had a hard time commenting on other people's blogs. But please keep reading and know I'm reading yours even if I can't post. I enjoy reading your comments!
-If anyone has good ideas on how to work in really good exercise in your schedule, let me know ha! Also, I'm contemplating a masters degree which part of me wants for the satisfaction of learning, but the other part of me knows it's a big cost and I want to know it would actually pay off! I am still looking for direction in my career/work life.
-I mentioned this before, but I really really want to start looking at churches. We have done this before and I've struggled to find one that I enjoy, but I would love to go to meet new people and renew my faith. I need something positive in my life these days with lots of death and drama. Hopefully we can get to that soon - maybe this weekend!
Hope you all are doing well and hope to get on here more often. Just need to find the time...(or win the lottery!).
I will try to remember all of the things I've been wanting to blog about, but just couldn't take the time. So here goes....
-Last Tuesday when I was in Boston, I was walking back to my hotel to get some work done from my room for the afternoon, and I happened to jump on FB on my phone. And through FB which has to be the absolute most difficult way, I found out that my good friend from high school, the one with the brain tumor who had tried to kill himself last fall I think it was, had died. The brain cancer had finally taken him. And no one called me...probably because I haven't been the best friend I could be lately. Which made me feel even worse. Because I should have called at least. Or I should have visited. The last time we "talked" was by e-mail in May, but I should have made the time to at least pick up the phone. Because now I can never talk to him again. And that makes me really really sad. I was shaking by the time I got on the elevator and up to my room, called our other friend and asked him what happened, and then spent the next hour or so sobbing alone in my room. I actually cried on and off all that week and still thining about it makes me want to cry. I was looking through pictures from high school and our wedding, and I just still can't believe he's gone. It really makes me think about life and how short it can be and how things can change so quickly. It was only 5 years ago that he got diagnosed, and while that was a long time for him to live with brain cancer, it was way too short to lose him at age 32. RIP Phil - you will be missed more than you know!
-With the bad news that week, I also got some really great news as well. On Thursday evening, I was selected for the "Recruiting Excellence Award" for the Americas. This basically means I was selected as the top recruiter out of all of the North & South American recruiters in our company. It was a huge honor and I'm excited that I will have a little trophy on my desk and my name up in Boston as well as a nice little bonus in my bank account. It made me really proud because after all of the b.s. I've been through here at work, it was nice to be finally recognized. Funny thing is that my boss has still NOT congratulated me even though she was sitting across from me at the table when I received it and numerous other people have congratulated me as soon as they found out. It's despicable really and makes me really sad/frustrated, but there isn't anything I can do about that and the awesome thing is this is one thing I got 100% on my own and it was out of her control and she can NEVER take it away from me!!!! Hopefully it will help on my resume if nothing else!
-We had really bad storms a few weeks ago so we had to replace our new fence in addition to the updates we did on our son's room. I'm thankful that we had the money to do it but annoyed to have to spend it that way! :) I'm just glad we didn't have more damage though!!!
-As I mentioned above, I'm struggling with this time thing. So I haven't had time to blog/comment as much, and I'm annoyed with blogger because I've had a hard time commenting on other people's blogs. But please keep reading and know I'm reading yours even if I can't post. I enjoy reading your comments!
-If anyone has good ideas on how to work in really good exercise in your schedule, let me know ha! Also, I'm contemplating a masters degree which part of me wants for the satisfaction of learning, but the other part of me knows it's a big cost and I want to know it would actually pay off! I am still looking for direction in my career/work life.
-I mentioned this before, but I really really want to start looking at churches. We have done this before and I've struggled to find one that I enjoy, but I would love to go to meet new people and renew my faith. I need something positive in my life these days with lots of death and drama. Hopefully we can get to that soon - maybe this weekend!
Hope you all are doing well and hope to get on here more often. Just need to find the time...(or win the lottery!).
5.17.2011
Things Are Looking Up!
Things are definitely looking up these days. We have had BEAUTIFUL weather here and I think it makes all the difference in my mood. Of course, we are supposed to have storms later this week/weekend, but it's okay because we've had a week of great weather! I have the windows open now enjoying the breeze! Here's what I'm thankful for right now:
1) We just finished a wonderful weekend with my parents. We all got along really well and had a lot of fun, and I'm glad they were able to come and be part of our son's PreK graduation (too cute!). I am also very thankful because they helped us purchase our son's new bedroom furniture (now need to sell the old furniture to get some $$ for new paint and bedding!) and also bought me some new clothes for work so I will be styling when I go back to Boston at the end of the month for my training sessions.
2) If we can get ourselves motivated by this new furniture arrival, we can get our house back in order and start making fun additions to the house. My next big wish is some new flooring - not sure if/when that can happen, but I'm hoping maybe by Christmas/the new year if we can find an option where we can make payments with no interest!
3) There is a SMALL chance that something at work might open up soon in my favor. I'm trying not to get my hopes up at all because at this point it's just a rumor and I'm not even sure if they would actually be cool enough to consider me for it (even though I'm quite qualified). But I heard yesterday that the HR manager (who actually isn't all that great at her job to begin with) has fallen in love with some guy in another city down south and is talking about moving soon to be with him. Since we don't have an office in that city, she would obviously have to leave the company, but apparently she claims the reason she is out sick all of the time is due to stress at work. It is a stressful environment but I think some people are more equipped to handle it than others. I am just praying that she does decide to move and then that I can land the job!!!! Maybe this is what the plan has been for me all along?! Only time will tell...keep your fingers crossed!
4) The Dallas Mavs are in the Western Conference championships starting tonight, and I just found out that we got free tickets to go from hubby's work! I'm excited! Originally we thought we only had 2 so hubby and son were going to go but now we have 4 so I get to go too. I will be sleepy tomorrow but it will be worth it!!!
Hope you all are doing well and hope I can keep up my positive attitude. Ready for things to keep progressing! Next to-dos are to start exploring churches and keep working on the house! Life is good!
1) We just finished a wonderful weekend with my parents. We all got along really well and had a lot of fun, and I'm glad they were able to come and be part of our son's PreK graduation (too cute!). I am also very thankful because they helped us purchase our son's new bedroom furniture (now need to sell the old furniture to get some $$ for new paint and bedding!) and also bought me some new clothes for work so I will be styling when I go back to Boston at the end of the month for my training sessions.
2) If we can get ourselves motivated by this new furniture arrival, we can get our house back in order and start making fun additions to the house. My next big wish is some new flooring - not sure if/when that can happen, but I'm hoping maybe by Christmas/the new year if we can find an option where we can make payments with no interest!
3) There is a SMALL chance that something at work might open up soon in my favor. I'm trying not to get my hopes up at all because at this point it's just a rumor and I'm not even sure if they would actually be cool enough to consider me for it (even though I'm quite qualified). But I heard yesterday that the HR manager (who actually isn't all that great at her job to begin with) has fallen in love with some guy in another city down south and is talking about moving soon to be with him. Since we don't have an office in that city, she would obviously have to leave the company, but apparently she claims the reason she is out sick all of the time is due to stress at work. It is a stressful environment but I think some people are more equipped to handle it than others. I am just praying that she does decide to move and then that I can land the job!!!! Maybe this is what the plan has been for me all along?! Only time will tell...keep your fingers crossed!
4) The Dallas Mavs are in the Western Conference championships starting tonight, and I just found out that we got free tickets to go from hubby's work! I'm excited! Originally we thought we only had 2 so hubby and son were going to go but now we have 4 so I get to go too. I will be sleepy tomorrow but it will be worth it!!!
Hope you all are doing well and hope I can keep up my positive attitude. Ready for things to keep progressing! Next to-dos are to start exploring churches and keep working on the house! Life is good!
5.10.2011
Things I Have Learned So Far This Week
1) I miss my son and husband more than I thought possible. These past three weeks of chaos and travel are starting to take their toll and I can't wait to be home this weekend and for the next two weeks at least!
2) Watching TV in real time is for the birds (miss my DVR!).
3) "True Grit" is a pretty good movie (the new one - never have seen the old one) and I'm thankful to have a movie on this flight since it's so long and I was by myself!
4) Traveling is much more fun when you have someone with you.
5) I am so thankful I live in the south - it's cold up here still - it's mid-May people!!!
6) My intuition about people is usually spot on
7) When you get a feeling something is wrong with one of your friends, you should definitely try to contact them to make sure everything is okay - there's usually a reason you feel this way.
8) I work WAY too hard and sacrifice WAY too much for the treatment I receive my immediate boss and the $$ I make.
9) Some things will never change - no matter how much I try to be positive at times about things at work, they continue to let me down over and over.
10) If nothing else this week, I'm benefiting from meeting more people, gaining a new perspective on other's experiences, getting out of the office and away from my boss for the week, and increasing my marketability by learning better presentation skills, more team dynamics, and how to build a major technological application for a global firm. :)
Hope you all are having a good week - trying to be positive and keep a running list of the "positives" by putting into the perspective of learning!
2) Watching TV in real time is for the birds (miss my DVR!).
3) "True Grit" is a pretty good movie (the new one - never have seen the old one) and I'm thankful to have a movie on this flight since it's so long and I was by myself!
4) Traveling is much more fun when you have someone with you.
5) I am so thankful I live in the south - it's cold up here still - it's mid-May people!!!
6) My intuition about people is usually spot on
7) When you get a feeling something is wrong with one of your friends, you should definitely try to contact them to make sure everything is okay - there's usually a reason you feel this way.
8) I work WAY too hard and sacrifice WAY too much for the treatment I receive my immediate boss and the $$ I make.
9) Some things will never change - no matter how much I try to be positive at times about things at work, they continue to let me down over and over.
10) If nothing else this week, I'm benefiting from meeting more people, gaining a new perspective on other's experiences, getting out of the office and away from my boss for the week, and increasing my marketability by learning better presentation skills, more team dynamics, and how to build a major technological application for a global firm. :)
Hope you all are having a good week - trying to be positive and keep a running list of the "positives" by putting into the perspective of learning!
5.08.2011
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