I pretty much abandoned this blog, but I feel the need to write lately so I think I will start it up once again. I'm not much of a journal writer, plus then it can be sitting around where someone can see and this I can keep private if I want to. But I feel like writing my thoughts down at least get them out of my head and onto the screen so I can digest them and hopefully move on. I don't like having things running around in my head 24-7 as it makes me negative and gives me problems sleeping. So here I am typing away to see if I can clear my head again and maybe get to a point where I do this more regularly for my sanity! :)
As 2009 closes tomorrow evening, I look back at what a year it has been. I am so very thankful for the many blessings we have had - two stable jobs, relatively good health, a beautiful and loving child, a nice home and cars, etc. We have been able to patch the relationship with my parents which is nice and seems to be headed in the right direction, and we are getting better about taking more time to focus on my husband and me (although we could still use some improvement in this area). We have been through a lot of hardships this year too and have come through pretty well if I do say so myself.
Both I and Hubby have been through some interesting situations at work this year. Hubby's will hopefully resolve itself now that his father is president and we shall see which direction he will head. There is a chance he may move over to sales which I think he would actually enjoy, but in order to do that, I would definitely have to switch my work because I will not have two traveling parents for our son - that's just not right and not fair! When I think about changing jobs or companies, there is a lot that I would miss about my current job/situation. But there is also a lot of room for improvement so if I was lucky enough to find the right situation, it may help. There are always the conflicts between what I love and what makes money, but I think everyone has that issue and even Hubby has dealt with that and sacrificed his wishes for what is best for our family. I can always do the flower/cake/event thing on the side! :) We shall see what 2010 brings in this area for me. There could be changes at my current job (interested to see what if anything is done with my boss and the "career path" they are supposedly creating) or I may end up finding something great and moving on. It's scary to think about but since I don't have that option yet, I'm trying to stay positive about my current role and try to enjoy life as best as I can. It is hard when I feel like I'm living Groundhog Day and treading water, but something has to give eventually - I just don't know yet what path God has in store for me next. I'm trying to be patient to see as He has provided me a great path for the past few years and for that I'm very thankful.
I ended up having surgery two weeks ago since those pesky cysts wouldn't go away on their own. And I'm going to have to take hormones again despite my desire to do so to keep the endometriosis I now have in check. I don't mind it but it's annoying as I don't enjoy putting that stuff in my body. But I would rather do that than have to have surgery every few years or worry about it destroying my insides. I'm still not sure what I want to do about the second kid thing. Austin I think is wanting to have one, but I'm just not sure. Yes, I love playing with our "nephew" or other babies, but it's nice to hand them back and have my cuddly bug to myself. I can't imagine what it would be like for our son to have to share us and I would never want to do to him what so many parents do to their children once a sibling is in the picture. It's a tough call but we are going to have to figure it out soon. It's yet another wrench in my "what next" picture as it could likely affect my career/work situation as well and the cost of two children in daycare/school is atrocious. We'll see!
Other than that, I guess that's all I need to get out for now. I know that I would never want to be a stay-at-home mom because I've actually been kind of "bored" these last two weeks being home from work. I just know I need some sort of change - something to challenge me, something for me to look forward to - because I'm just getting blah about life and I hate that. I'm not that type of person and don't want to become that type of person ever. So something, somehow, has to change - just need to figure out what that is.
I will stop blathering on for now - off to read what I hope will be a good book!
12.30.2009
8.27.2009
It's Been Awhile....
I haven't posted in awhile. Mainly because I got busy with work during the summer and also because I am trying to be more positive in an increasingly negative situation. It's just too hard though, and I'm trying to make sense of all that is going on around me and be thankful for what I have. We may not make the money we want or have the best jobs that we think we should, but we have a great family and house and everything else. And we are healthy and happy for the most part.
But things aren't perfect by any means. They obviously could be worse, way worse, but they could also be better. I'm waiting for the time when we get to celebrate something exciting again. I am hopeful to find a shift in my career so that I can have a more sustainable and manageable schedule and spend more time with my family and doing things that I like to do (like dance which started last night without me!). :( I am hoping that the cysts that are randomly now growing in my ovaries go away so I don't have to worry about that on top of everything else.
I feel weird about it but good because last night I applied for another job. A job I probably won't get or even here from, but I would love to. It is for a local school district for the Assistant Director of Marketing & Communications. It would combine my education background, my TV background, and my marketing/recruiting background. It would be a dream job. The pay is not super high, but it is higher than I am making now and it would be normal hours, no travel, no nights and weekends, and best of all summers off! You can't get any better than that. It has been posted for a month though so they may have already found someone or at least be in final rounds or something. But it was worth a try and I hope that I will hear something soon. It would be a nice distraction and the best part is that it is MY choice. It is my choice if asked to interview if I go, it is my choice if offered the position if I take it or not, it's up to me (well not the part of the actual phone call and whether they offer or not but you know what I mean).
Ideally, if not before, I would like to find something great by the new year. Start 2010 off with a new attitude and a new possibility! I am just feeling so unmotivated and unchallenged lately. I feel like I am being suppressed and there is no good reason for that. So I'm looking forward to see what the future brings, and hope I can stay sane and manage through until I am blessed to get to that point.
But things aren't perfect by any means. They obviously could be worse, way worse, but they could also be better. I'm waiting for the time when we get to celebrate something exciting again. I am hopeful to find a shift in my career so that I can have a more sustainable and manageable schedule and spend more time with my family and doing things that I like to do (like dance which started last night without me!). :( I am hoping that the cysts that are randomly now growing in my ovaries go away so I don't have to worry about that on top of everything else.
I feel weird about it but good because last night I applied for another job. A job I probably won't get or even here from, but I would love to. It is for a local school district for the Assistant Director of Marketing & Communications. It would combine my education background, my TV background, and my marketing/recruiting background. It would be a dream job. The pay is not super high, but it is higher than I am making now and it would be normal hours, no travel, no nights and weekends, and best of all summers off! You can't get any better than that. It has been posted for a month though so they may have already found someone or at least be in final rounds or something. But it was worth a try and I hope that I will hear something soon. It would be a nice distraction and the best part is that it is MY choice. It is my choice if asked to interview if I go, it is my choice if offered the position if I take it or not, it's up to me (well not the part of the actual phone call and whether they offer or not but you know what I mean).
Ideally, if not before, I would like to find something great by the new year. Start 2010 off with a new attitude and a new possibility! I am just feeling so unmotivated and unchallenged lately. I feel like I am being suppressed and there is no good reason for that. So I'm looking forward to see what the future brings, and hope I can stay sane and manage through until I am blessed to get to that point.
5.14.2009
Hurt
I try not to let myself get hurt by things people say. But I am a Cancer and I'm sensitive to others at times. I try to have a tough shell and try to be tough, but on the inside, there are things that really hurt me. Right now, I have several things that are hurting my heart. The good thing is that I'm able to deal with them and write about them and go through the emotions (my drive home in traffic seems to be a great place for me to release my emotions!) so I can get home and be loving and happy with my son and husband.
The first thing that is hurting me now is the situation with my parents. Even though it is by my choice that I am not speaking to them right now, it still really hurts that it has come to this. I don't understand why I am the one that has to have parents that treat me the way they do - why can't I have a normal relationship with my parents so that I can look forward to spending time with them occasionally? Why is it so difficult always with them and why does it never change no matter how hard I try?
Secondly, I am hurt because I want more out of my career and want to give more money to my family so we don't have to stress about money or daycare or going on a trip or anything else. I think the biggest frustration with this is that I don't know where to go from here and hope that someone will help me figure that process out.
I am hurt by my husband's family and this whole situation with the cruise. How do they think it's okay to send us pictures and call and tell us how much fun they are having when we weren't invited to go and are having to go without sleep and working all hours and sitting in crazy traffic and everything else trying to make this week work? It's like they just aren't thinking because I would hope they aren't trying to hurt us. But it does still hurt and it hurts more how it affects my husband and he therefore is grumpy with me and our son.
Lastly, there was a very specific incident yesterday that hurt me. I'm trying to get over it, but I hate that it makes me question myself and qualities that I think are good qualities of myself. My boss is great for the most part and I really like her as a person. But she has a tendency to say some odd things sometimes and they are hurtful. I don't know if it is because she is kind of conservative and old-school in her thinking about things or what the issue is. But it sucks because those types of things don't help boost my morale towards my job in a time where I'm struggling, feeling like the glass ceiling is pushing me down further and further.
Anyways, I was in a team meeting with her, my coworker, and myself yesterday and we were talking about an aspect of our job for the fall. I was giving an update on the status of the fall events and simply asked if when everything was set, she and I could sit down and try to figure who would be going to which events. I only ask this because 1) I like to plan ahead and two months in advance for travel isn't that far ahead, 2) I like to book ahead to get the flight times/hotels that I want for a good price, 3) I have a family and it is necessary for them to know when I'm going to be around or not for transportation to/from school and our own family plans, and 4) I like to take a dance class at a local community college and want to know if I will even be around much for it in the fall or if I should save my money and just wait until the spring again. Her response to my simple question (I promise I said it totally innocently) was "I'm not a planner LIKE YOU, and you aren't going to make me LIKE YOU, and that's probably a GOOD THING." I think she realized what she said was harsh because she added a few seconds later "so we can have balance" but it was too late at that point. She had already made me feel like a bad person for wanting to plan ahead.
I'm sorry but that is part of my job and there is nothing wrong with planning ahead and being organized. I'm not forcing her to be like me in the slightest, but I don't think it's too much to ask to find out in advance when I'm going to be traveling several days a week for nearly every week for the months of September and October. I like to have a life OUTSIDE of work too and like to plan those things in advance too based on when I'm going to be where. Additionally, I have friends near some of the cities we go to and would like to leverage my work visits when I can to have friend visits as well. If she has a problem with it (she never has in the past), then she shouldn't be doing our job because it is all about PLANNING. It makes me sad and mad all at the same time. I'm not a bad person and I don't like feeling like I am for no reason whatsoever. Even my coworker said something to me afterwards about how she was shocked that our boss had said that. It was hurtful and I'm not quite over it. I had one crying car ride home yesterday, hopefully today I can avoid that, and save my tears for sappy TV like Grey's Anatomy or something - ha!
Thanks for listening to my rent about how hurt I am. I know I shouldn't complain because my life could be so much worse in so many ways, but I'm just struggling right now to make sense of everything going on and trying to keep my head up when I really don't feel like it. I hope to be more positive again soon, and hope to develop tougher skin than what I've already had to develop from years of torture from my parents. I'll get there one day and look back at all of this and laugh!
The first thing that is hurting me now is the situation with my parents. Even though it is by my choice that I am not speaking to them right now, it still really hurts that it has come to this. I don't understand why I am the one that has to have parents that treat me the way they do - why can't I have a normal relationship with my parents so that I can look forward to spending time with them occasionally? Why is it so difficult always with them and why does it never change no matter how hard I try?
Secondly, I am hurt because I want more out of my career and want to give more money to my family so we don't have to stress about money or daycare or going on a trip or anything else. I think the biggest frustration with this is that I don't know where to go from here and hope that someone will help me figure that process out.
I am hurt by my husband's family and this whole situation with the cruise. How do they think it's okay to send us pictures and call and tell us how much fun they are having when we weren't invited to go and are having to go without sleep and working all hours and sitting in crazy traffic and everything else trying to make this week work? It's like they just aren't thinking because I would hope they aren't trying to hurt us. But it does still hurt and it hurts more how it affects my husband and he therefore is grumpy with me and our son.
Lastly, there was a very specific incident yesterday that hurt me. I'm trying to get over it, but I hate that it makes me question myself and qualities that I think are good qualities of myself. My boss is great for the most part and I really like her as a person. But she has a tendency to say some odd things sometimes and they are hurtful. I don't know if it is because she is kind of conservative and old-school in her thinking about things or what the issue is. But it sucks because those types of things don't help boost my morale towards my job in a time where I'm struggling, feeling like the glass ceiling is pushing me down further and further.
Anyways, I was in a team meeting with her, my coworker, and myself yesterday and we were talking about an aspect of our job for the fall. I was giving an update on the status of the fall events and simply asked if when everything was set, she and I could sit down and try to figure who would be going to which events. I only ask this because 1) I like to plan ahead and two months in advance for travel isn't that far ahead, 2) I like to book ahead to get the flight times/hotels that I want for a good price, 3) I have a family and it is necessary for them to know when I'm going to be around or not for transportation to/from school and our own family plans, and 4) I like to take a dance class at a local community college and want to know if I will even be around much for it in the fall or if I should save my money and just wait until the spring again. Her response to my simple question (I promise I said it totally innocently) was "I'm not a planner LIKE YOU, and you aren't going to make me LIKE YOU, and that's probably a GOOD THING." I think she realized what she said was harsh because she added a few seconds later "so we can have balance" but it was too late at that point. She had already made me feel like a bad person for wanting to plan ahead.
I'm sorry but that is part of my job and there is nothing wrong with planning ahead and being organized. I'm not forcing her to be like me in the slightest, but I don't think it's too much to ask to find out in advance when I'm going to be traveling several days a week for nearly every week for the months of September and October. I like to have a life OUTSIDE of work too and like to plan those things in advance too based on when I'm going to be where. Additionally, I have friends near some of the cities we go to and would like to leverage my work visits when I can to have friend visits as well. If she has a problem with it (she never has in the past), then she shouldn't be doing our job because it is all about PLANNING. It makes me sad and mad all at the same time. I'm not a bad person and I don't like feeling like I am for no reason whatsoever. Even my coworker said something to me afterwards about how she was shocked that our boss had said that. It was hurtful and I'm not quite over it. I had one crying car ride home yesterday, hopefully today I can avoid that, and save my tears for sappy TV like Grey's Anatomy or something - ha!
Thanks for listening to my rent about how hurt I am. I know I shouldn't complain because my life could be so much worse in so many ways, but I'm just struggling right now to make sense of everything going on and trying to keep my head up when I really don't feel like it. I hope to be more positive again soon, and hope to develop tougher skin than what I've already had to develop from years of torture from my parents. I'll get there one day and look back at all of this and laugh!
Back to School?
For awhile now, I have really felt a strong desire to challenge myself further in life and my career. I have especially become interested in a Masters in Management degree since I feel like it will help sharpen my business skills, introduce me to more specific marketing skills, and still open doors for HR type positions as well. Plus I found out that my company does tuition reimbursement up to a certain amount, so I'm seriously considering taking them up on that option and getting a Masters degree. I figure if they aren't going to help me further my career within the company, I might as well get them to help me further my career somewhere else.
So I've been looking around at online degree options since I don't think I would have time between work and family to actually attend classrooms once or twice a week. I have found two programs that seem fairly good - one at Dallas Baptist and one at Indiana Wesleyan. I also had found a program through Texas A&M-Commerce, but after reading rankings and things, I think it might be a waste to complete my education there since it is a Tier 4 school whereas the others are both Tier 1 schools.
My biggest hesitation now is trying to figure out whether it's worth the time/money. I don't know enough about what I could possibly do with my skills to know whether or not it will make a difference. I also don't know if I have the additional money to cover the tuition plus books and fees. It is something I need to do further research on and the sooner the better if I want to start in the fall. So for now, I have just requested information on the programs and am looking into possible options.
I just feel like I need something to challenge myself. I'm frustrated by doing nothing yet don't really know what to do. I am usually a happy person for the most part, but right now I'm having trouble focusing on happiness because so many balls seem up in the air and I'm confused about where to go next. I know I will figure it out soon enough, but it's frustrating in the meantime while I try to make sense of all that is going on in my world! At least I'm thankful to have a loving husband (even though he is grumpy a lot lately too!) and a cutie little boy.
So I've been looking around at online degree options since I don't think I would have time between work and family to actually attend classrooms once or twice a week. I have found two programs that seem fairly good - one at Dallas Baptist and one at Indiana Wesleyan. I also had found a program through Texas A&M-Commerce, but after reading rankings and things, I think it might be a waste to complete my education there since it is a Tier 4 school whereas the others are both Tier 1 schools.
My biggest hesitation now is trying to figure out whether it's worth the time/money. I don't know enough about what I could possibly do with my skills to know whether or not it will make a difference. I also don't know if I have the additional money to cover the tuition plus books and fees. It is something I need to do further research on and the sooner the better if I want to start in the fall. So for now, I have just requested information on the programs and am looking into possible options.
I just feel like I need something to challenge myself. I'm frustrated by doing nothing yet don't really know what to do. I am usually a happy person for the most part, but right now I'm having trouble focusing on happiness because so many balls seem up in the air and I'm confused about where to go next. I know I will figure it out soon enough, but it's frustrating in the meantime while I try to make sense of all that is going on in my world! At least I'm thankful to have a loving husband (even though he is grumpy a lot lately too!) and a cutie little boy.
5.11.2009
I feel like a cheater
I don't know why but I feel like I have cheated. Don't worry, it's not the kind of cheating you think. I just feel like I have cheated on my work. Because the thought has even come across my mind of moving to another job or another company. I shouldn't have to feel like a cheater because I am not. I would be very loyal to this company if they would let me. I have had four good years here and would like to have more. But I can't sit by and not make more money and not be given opportunities.
So this weekend, I put my resume together. I wanted to have it "on file" just in case of emergency. After a weird conversation last week with someone from one of our other offices, my defenses are up, and I definitely don't want to be left high and dry. I'm not specifically looking right now - I just want to make sure I am prepared. In case something amazing comes along...or in case I really need it because I've been laid off or something crazy. I want the best and I deserve the best and I work too hard to not have it.
Right now is NOT a good time to be looking for a new position. The thought of having to drive farther or deal with downtown parking or balancing my dance class or anything else is scary. I like the people I work with here. I like meeting new people through my job. I like knowing relatively what my schedule will look like ahead of time. I like getting to travel a little bit even though it is hard on my son and husband. I like leading the book club at work and being able to share my thoughts and opinions on things. I like being looked up to as someone with experience here, someone that knows what they are doing and should be taken seriously. But I want more and the changes I see coming back at me are scary. I can only hope and pray that God has a plan for me and will make it known so He can guide me.
I sent my resume to one job but now the salary is different than what was posted and I am not moving unless the salary is higher and the benefits are the same. Because I definitely have AMAZING medical benefits here and vacation and all of that. I can't complain about any of those things by any means. So I don't know if I will even bother going to meet with the recruiter that posted the position because I'm not all that thrilled by it. It is for a law firm and I left law firms for a reason. I don't need to jump ship. I can wait for something I REALLY want to do. Heck, maybe I'll open my own business one of these days and pursue my passion for event planning. I already have a DJ, graphic designer, and photographer at my disposal. Maybe one day....
But for now at least I have that document saved at home in case I need it! ;)
So this weekend, I put my resume together. I wanted to have it "on file" just in case of emergency. After a weird conversation last week with someone from one of our other offices, my defenses are up, and I definitely don't want to be left high and dry. I'm not specifically looking right now - I just want to make sure I am prepared. In case something amazing comes along...or in case I really need it because I've been laid off or something crazy. I want the best and I deserve the best and I work too hard to not have it.
Right now is NOT a good time to be looking for a new position. The thought of having to drive farther or deal with downtown parking or balancing my dance class or anything else is scary. I like the people I work with here. I like meeting new people through my job. I like knowing relatively what my schedule will look like ahead of time. I like getting to travel a little bit even though it is hard on my son and husband. I like leading the book club at work and being able to share my thoughts and opinions on things. I like being looked up to as someone with experience here, someone that knows what they are doing and should be taken seriously. But I want more and the changes I see coming back at me are scary. I can only hope and pray that God has a plan for me and will make it known so He can guide me.
I sent my resume to one job but now the salary is different than what was posted and I am not moving unless the salary is higher and the benefits are the same. Because I definitely have AMAZING medical benefits here and vacation and all of that. I can't complain about any of those things by any means. So I don't know if I will even bother going to meet with the recruiter that posted the position because I'm not all that thrilled by it. It is for a law firm and I left law firms for a reason. I don't need to jump ship. I can wait for something I REALLY want to do. Heck, maybe I'll open my own business one of these days and pursue my passion for event planning. I already have a DJ, graphic designer, and photographer at my disposal. Maybe one day....
But for now at least I have that document saved at home in case I need it! ;)
Feeling Left Out
My weekend was pretty good although incredibly short. We spent most of Saturday traveling and being in podunk-town for my brother-in-law's college graduation. There is no way I could have spent 5 years in that town (yes, he took a victory lap) for college - let alone grow up there. And now he's trying to convince his parents to take two-three more years there to pursue a master's degree. Yikes! At least the food was good and I found some yummy sweet tea in the convenience store there for the ride home. ;)
Yesterday was Mother's Day and I was thankful to have some time to relax and spend it with my two favorite boys. My husband and son got an appointment for my hubby and I to go get a couples massage next Sunday afternoon (yippee!) and they took me out to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner last night. My in-laws gave me a gift certificate for a facial too so I have that to look forward to whenever I have a chance to book it one of these days. However, my in-laws did something to us yesterday that made me really upset. It made me upset for myself because it was Mother's Day and it clouded my day a little bit, but it made me really upset for my husband and son since it hurts them the most.
My in-laws have always and will always baby my brother-in-law to the point of ridiculousness. He gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and no matter what he does wrong or how goofy he acts, they support him 100% and continue to give him everything he wants and more. So his stupid "girlfriend" (they aren't even officially "dating" - don't get me started on that topic) and her family were going to go on a cruise to the Bahamas and the Keys this week and invited my brother-in-law to go along. The next thing we know, my father-in-law and mother-in-law were going as well, but they told us it was only because it was a "free trip" so why not? I agree if someone is going to pay for a nice trip like that for you, you might as well go even though it is kind of an awkward situation because they aren't even really dating and they have only met the other parents one time before at dinner.
Anyways, we were a little hurt that we weren't invited since the rest of the family was going, but we were over it. Until yesterday morning when we had to go over to the in-laws house and watch as the in-laws (father, mother, brother) and the "girlfriend" packed up their stuff for a week of vacation while we had to think about going to work and balancing our work schedules this week to drop off/pick up Cooper from school (my mother-in-law usually does this). It was a bit of a slap in the face as we didn't understand why we had to be sitting there while they were trying to figure out what cameras to take and how to pack their luggage and all of this. We are used to being left out because they do that often, and we thought that it was the "girlfriend's" family's trip so that might be why we weren't even asked to go. As much as we would like to, right now we just can't afford to take another trip like that unless someone offered to pay for it so we understood. Until watching it all happen before our eyes and then finding out that they had misrepresented the situation and that my in-laws were in fact paying for themselves to go.
We are all scheduled to go on a family trip to a local beach area that we go to every year during the first week of August, but were told that this year we would have to cook in a lot and everything to save money. Which we were understanding of...until we realized that they are going off and dropping money on this luxurious vacation that we weren't even invited to but then we are the ones that don't get that treatment even once this year. I shouldn't complain because I know there are a million people who can't take a vacation at all and I'm grateful that we will be able to do what we can. But still....it's kind of mind-blowing to think of the unfair treatment we are all receiving compared to my brother-in-law who can barely keep his head out of his a$s long enough to attend graduation! And my poor son spent most of yesterday and even this morning asking when we could go to the beach since his stupid uncle decided to talk about going to the beach right in front of him yesterday. So annoying!
Yesterday was Mother's Day and I was thankful to have some time to relax and spend it with my two favorite boys. My husband and son got an appointment for my hubby and I to go get a couples massage next Sunday afternoon (yippee!) and they took me out to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner last night. My in-laws gave me a gift certificate for a facial too so I have that to look forward to whenever I have a chance to book it one of these days. However, my in-laws did something to us yesterday that made me really upset. It made me upset for myself because it was Mother's Day and it clouded my day a little bit, but it made me really upset for my husband and son since it hurts them the most.
My in-laws have always and will always baby my brother-in-law to the point of ridiculousness. He gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and no matter what he does wrong or how goofy he acts, they support him 100% and continue to give him everything he wants and more. So his stupid "girlfriend" (they aren't even officially "dating" - don't get me started on that topic) and her family were going to go on a cruise to the Bahamas and the Keys this week and invited my brother-in-law to go along. The next thing we know, my father-in-law and mother-in-law were going as well, but they told us it was only because it was a "free trip" so why not? I agree if someone is going to pay for a nice trip like that for you, you might as well go even though it is kind of an awkward situation because they aren't even really dating and they have only met the other parents one time before at dinner.
Anyways, we were a little hurt that we weren't invited since the rest of the family was going, but we were over it. Until yesterday morning when we had to go over to the in-laws house and watch as the in-laws (father, mother, brother) and the "girlfriend" packed up their stuff for a week of vacation while we had to think about going to work and balancing our work schedules this week to drop off/pick up Cooper from school (my mother-in-law usually does this). It was a bit of a slap in the face as we didn't understand why we had to be sitting there while they were trying to figure out what cameras to take and how to pack their luggage and all of this. We are used to being left out because they do that often, and we thought that it was the "girlfriend's" family's trip so that might be why we weren't even asked to go. As much as we would like to, right now we just can't afford to take another trip like that unless someone offered to pay for it so we understood. Until watching it all happen before our eyes and then finding out that they had misrepresented the situation and that my in-laws were in fact paying for themselves to go.
We are all scheduled to go on a family trip to a local beach area that we go to every year during the first week of August, but were told that this year we would have to cook in a lot and everything to save money. Which we were understanding of...until we realized that they are going off and dropping money on this luxurious vacation that we weren't even invited to but then we are the ones that don't get that treatment even once this year. I shouldn't complain because I know there are a million people who can't take a vacation at all and I'm grateful that we will be able to do what we can. But still....it's kind of mind-blowing to think of the unfair treatment we are all receiving compared to my brother-in-law who can barely keep his head out of his a$s long enough to attend graduation! And my poor son spent most of yesterday and even this morning asking when we could go to the beach since his stupid uncle decided to talk about going to the beach right in front of him yesterday. So annoying!
4.30.2009
Here piggy, piggy
It's all over the news, radio, and Internet. It is invading nearly every topic of conversation and is causing widespread fear. I'm sure you know what I am talking about - swine flu - or as the government would like us to now call it because the pork companies are losing money - H1N1 virus.
I don't usually let stuff like this get to me. I will joke about it of course, but usually don't take it too seriously since the media likes to hype everything up so much. However, I am genuinely concerned right now for the health and safety of myself and my family. My husband has Type I diabetes so he is more susceptible to illness and additionally has a harder time fighting it off when infected in addition to having to worry about his blood sugar levels when not being able to eat or losing fluids from illness. Then there is my 3 year old son who also may be susceptible to illness due to his age and his proximity to other children at school. His school has been taking extra precautions at this time (we even got a long letter about it yesterday) so I feel like he is relatively safe, but I guess you never know. And other schools and even major school districts now are taking precautions and shutting down their schools. It's kind of a crazy time!
Of course my fears were multiplied this morning when I heard on the radio about this doctor who is claiming that the swine flu outbreak is actually much worse than what is being reported due to the delay in testing and verification from the CDC and that there are actually 10-25 times MORE cases of this than what are being reported. He also explains the seriousness of it and how people are in hospitals now fighting it with the help of drugs and respirators, but that if it continues to spread, we may be out of the needed number of supplies before being able to help everyone that may become infected.
I hate this - it makes me not sleep well at night in fear that I or one of my family members will contract this stupid illness. I hate the fact that I feel the need to run out and stock up my fridge and pantry in case we need to stay in the house for awhile and fill my gas tank in case we need to drive off somewhere (not sure where we would go to avoid this one though). I hate that it makes me question my everyday activities - like going to the local restaurant we eat at every Friday night or picking up a few things at Target or Walmart. I hate that it makes me super hyper about washing my hands or at least using antibacterial lotion stuff to the point that my hands are getting dry. I hate this.
We are the United States - a superpower - why can we not fight this disease? If we can make a vaccine to prevent the regular flu, why can we not come up with both a vaccine to prevent as well as medicine to help if you do become infected? We need to get moving because having to shut down the US for a few days to a week would have an even more devastating impact on our economy due to the lack of productivity for that time period and would cause sheer panic. That is not the world I want to live in nor raise my son in, and I truly hope that we can figure this out sooner than later.
I don't want to be afraid any longer....
I don't usually let stuff like this get to me. I will joke about it of course, but usually don't take it too seriously since the media likes to hype everything up so much. However, I am genuinely concerned right now for the health and safety of myself and my family. My husband has Type I diabetes so he is more susceptible to illness and additionally has a harder time fighting it off when infected in addition to having to worry about his blood sugar levels when not being able to eat or losing fluids from illness. Then there is my 3 year old son who also may be susceptible to illness due to his age and his proximity to other children at school. His school has been taking extra precautions at this time (we even got a long letter about it yesterday) so I feel like he is relatively safe, but I guess you never know. And other schools and even major school districts now are taking precautions and shutting down their schools. It's kind of a crazy time!
Of course my fears were multiplied this morning when I heard on the radio about this doctor who is claiming that the swine flu outbreak is actually much worse than what is being reported due to the delay in testing and verification from the CDC and that there are actually 10-25 times MORE cases of this than what are being reported. He also explains the seriousness of it and how people are in hospitals now fighting it with the help of drugs and respirators, but that if it continues to spread, we may be out of the needed number of supplies before being able to help everyone that may become infected.
I hate this - it makes me not sleep well at night in fear that I or one of my family members will contract this stupid illness. I hate the fact that I feel the need to run out and stock up my fridge and pantry in case we need to stay in the house for awhile and fill my gas tank in case we need to drive off somewhere (not sure where we would go to avoid this one though). I hate that it makes me question my everyday activities - like going to the local restaurant we eat at every Friday night or picking up a few things at Target or Walmart. I hate that it makes me super hyper about washing my hands or at least using antibacterial lotion stuff to the point that my hands are getting dry. I hate this.
We are the United States - a superpower - why can we not fight this disease? If we can make a vaccine to prevent the regular flu, why can we not come up with both a vaccine to prevent as well as medicine to help if you do become infected? We need to get moving because having to shut down the US for a few days to a week would have an even more devastating impact on our economy due to the lack of productivity for that time period and would cause sheer panic. That is not the world I want to live in nor raise my son in, and I truly hope that we can figure this out sooner than later.
I don't want to be afraid any longer....
4.29.2009
I just can't fight this feeling any more...
As my brain secretly hums the cheesy 80s song in the background, I thought it was time for me to write again on some things I've been pondering lately. I am very angry at myself lately because I am in a funk. I am feeling discouraged, I am feeling confused, and I'm just not feeling like things are right in my world. I am definitely hitting some sort of partial-life crisis or something!
This all started a few weeks ago when my review went a little differently than I first imagined it would. It wasn't a bad review in the slighest. I received the highest marks possible in the section having to do with my work, and the good job marks in the other areas as well. However, two years ago when I had been promoted to my current position, I had asked how the whole career progression worked, and they told me while it is not exactly laid out very well (major issue!), that in two years I should be eligible for the next promotion.
So I kind of thought my chance had come, and I would at least be given the option. Now you may wonder why I said option vs. promotion because there are very few cases someone would not WANT to accept a promotion. However, being the genius people that they are, this promotion step (even though it's not the right time because I wouldn't be managing anyone or anything like that) would switch me from being able to get overtime/double-time like I currently am to being solely salaried. I had heard complaining before from people in my same position in other offices that they actually felt like they lost money in switching over, which is why I thought I would be given the choice and get to see what the pure salary version would be vs. what I make with salary and overtime in a typical year. However, I was told that they hadn't "pushed" for my promotion this year because of the economy and that it probably wasn't a good time to have to switch over.
All of this I understand and I may have decided against taking the promotion,but at the same time, it really hurt me that I wasn't given the choice. It made me feel like I wasn't performing well (even though that wasn't the case) and it made me feel like others in the company who didn't know the reasoning behind it would think I wasn't performing well since I didn't receive the promotion even though people in other offices who have been at our company for less time got it earlier. To top it all off, my coworker did receive her first promotion (which she definitely deserved), but now we are the same exact title and she has been here for just over a year, and I have been here over 3.5 years!!!
From that point on, I was determined to figure out how I could better myself even further so that they would stop and pay attention and give me recognition or a promotion or something. If this company wasn't willing to help me further myself by giving me the promotion, then I needed to do something for myself. So I looked at certifications I could receive and masters degrees that I might want to pursue and everything else under the sun. As much as I might enjoy and even prosper later on down the line from partaking in something like that, in the short term, those things equal extra $$, and since I didn't get a raise this year nor did my husband due to the economy), we are feeling the pinch in trying to be conscious of our budget especially since our son starts full-time preschool in the fall which will cost us twice what we are paying now!
Needless to say, I was a bit frustrated, but I have tried to plod on and not be disappointed or discouraged. I am hoping our economy picks up soon so I have other options eventually - I'm not very patient with this time of our world! This weekend, though, put the final nail in the coffin for me and I'm having a very hard time feeling motivated or excited about work-related life. My good friend that I have known my entire life told me how much she makes and how she was going to ask for a raise since they are underpaying her, and the amount she CURRENTLY makes without the raise is $21 THOUSAND more than me!!!! Not to mention the fact that she started at her company a year after I started at mine, AND I actually interviewed at that company when I interviewed at my current company, didn't get the job so I took this job, then they called me a month in and said they made a mistake and wanted to hire me, and I told them I was happy and settling in to my new position and wasn't interested. It makes me want to shoot myself in the foot!!!!
I know that everything happens for a reason, and I will continue to maintain a positive front for all of the world to see. I just need the ability to vent about it and put my thoughts out there. As frustrated as I am with the situation, I know God has a plan, and the last time I was in this situation of frustration, God provided me with many things. I am hoping we can get to church this Sunday so I can talk with Him more, and will continue to add to my daily prayers a request for His guidance as we try to navigate these scary times. I just want an OPPORTUNITY - a chance to really utilize my talents and the hard work I have done all of these years and make some good money for my family!
This all started a few weeks ago when my review went a little differently than I first imagined it would. It wasn't a bad review in the slighest. I received the highest marks possible in the section having to do with my work, and the good job marks in the other areas as well. However, two years ago when I had been promoted to my current position, I had asked how the whole career progression worked, and they told me while it is not exactly laid out very well (major issue!), that in two years I should be eligible for the next promotion.
So I kind of thought my chance had come, and I would at least be given the option. Now you may wonder why I said option vs. promotion because there are very few cases someone would not WANT to accept a promotion. However, being the genius people that they are, this promotion step (even though it's not the right time because I wouldn't be managing anyone or anything like that) would switch me from being able to get overtime/double-time like I currently am to being solely salaried. I had heard complaining before from people in my same position in other offices that they actually felt like they lost money in switching over, which is why I thought I would be given the choice and get to see what the pure salary version would be vs. what I make with salary and overtime in a typical year. However, I was told that they hadn't "pushed" for my promotion this year because of the economy and that it probably wasn't a good time to have to switch over.
All of this I understand and I may have decided against taking the promotion,but at the same time, it really hurt me that I wasn't given the choice. It made me feel like I wasn't performing well (even though that wasn't the case) and it made me feel like others in the company who didn't know the reasoning behind it would think I wasn't performing well since I didn't receive the promotion even though people in other offices who have been at our company for less time got it earlier. To top it all off, my coworker did receive her first promotion (which she definitely deserved), but now we are the same exact title and she has been here for just over a year, and I have been here over 3.5 years!!!
From that point on, I was determined to figure out how I could better myself even further so that they would stop and pay attention and give me recognition or a promotion or something. If this company wasn't willing to help me further myself by giving me the promotion, then I needed to do something for myself. So I looked at certifications I could receive and masters degrees that I might want to pursue and everything else under the sun. As much as I might enjoy and even prosper later on down the line from partaking in something like that, in the short term, those things equal extra $$, and since I didn't get a raise this year nor did my husband due to the economy), we are feeling the pinch in trying to be conscious of our budget especially since our son starts full-time preschool in the fall which will cost us twice what we are paying now!
Needless to say, I was a bit frustrated, but I have tried to plod on and not be disappointed or discouraged. I am hoping our economy picks up soon so I have other options eventually - I'm not very patient with this time of our world! This weekend, though, put the final nail in the coffin for me and I'm having a very hard time feeling motivated or excited about work-related life. My good friend that I have known my entire life told me how much she makes and how she was going to ask for a raise since they are underpaying her, and the amount she CURRENTLY makes without the raise is $21 THOUSAND more than me!!!! Not to mention the fact that she started at her company a year after I started at mine, AND I actually interviewed at that company when I interviewed at my current company, didn't get the job so I took this job, then they called me a month in and said they made a mistake and wanted to hire me, and I told them I was happy and settling in to my new position and wasn't interested. It makes me want to shoot myself in the foot!!!!
I know that everything happens for a reason, and I will continue to maintain a positive front for all of the world to see. I just need the ability to vent about it and put my thoughts out there. As frustrated as I am with the situation, I know God has a plan, and the last time I was in this situation of frustration, God provided me with many things. I am hoping we can get to church this Sunday so I can talk with Him more, and will continue to add to my daily prayers a request for His guidance as we try to navigate these scary times. I just want an OPPORTUNITY - a chance to really utilize my talents and the hard work I have done all of these years and make some good money for my family!
4.22.2009
Sorority Recruitment
After being blissfully unaware the last few years about the goings-on of sorority life post-college, I have recently been dragged back into the fold to write recommendations & letters of support for some local high school girls who are about to head to college in the fall and are interested in sorority recruitment. Don't get me wrong - I totally enjoyed the experience of being in a sorority when I was in college, and at a school like the one I went to, it was virtually the ONLY way you could meet people and be involved. However, I was perfectly fine being an alumnae and that being the end of it. I tried going to to the sorority alumnae group for about a year after college and it was fun, but I'm just not one of those overly girly girls who needs social women's organizations to feel complete.
Yet here I am trying to council and support these ladies on how to go through sorority recruitment on their various campuses and hoping they will rush my sorority. Not that it matters because I barely even know these girls, and each campus is so different that my sorority might be the right personality fit for them on another campus. It's just funny to me though how you can be so unaware and then dragged back into the thick of things when something like this comes up. So I'm researching the proper forms and letters and hoping to help them out - mainly because I know how scary and intimidating it can all be and how glad I was that I had met some people in my future sorority during the fall semester of my freshman year. I can't even imagine having to rush before school had even started and you even had a glimpse of what the different organizations were like. Silly sorority craziness!
Yet here I am trying to council and support these ladies on how to go through sorority recruitment on their various campuses and hoping they will rush my sorority. Not that it matters because I barely even know these girls, and each campus is so different that my sorority might be the right personality fit for them on another campus. It's just funny to me though how you can be so unaware and then dragged back into the thick of things when something like this comes up. So I'm researching the proper forms and letters and hoping to help them out - mainly because I know how scary and intimidating it can all be and how glad I was that I had met some people in my future sorority during the fall semester of my freshman year. I can't even imagine having to rush before school had even started and you even had a glimpse of what the different organizations were like. Silly sorority craziness!
4.21.2009
Ridiculous
Who plans a "family picnic" on a work day from 1-4 pm?
This is supposed to be a "make-up" for the fact that we don't get to bring our spouses to the retreat this year. Yet, they plan the event for a work day during the afternoon. I hate to be the party pooper but I will be headed home because my husband is not going to take off his LIMITED vacation time to go eat a hot dog in a local park on a workday afternoon! You'd think people could think ahead!!!
This is supposed to be a "make-up" for the fact that we don't get to bring our spouses to the retreat this year. Yet, they plan the event for a work day during the afternoon. I hate to be the party pooper but I will be headed home because my husband is not going to take off his LIMITED vacation time to go eat a hot dog in a local park on a workday afternoon! You'd think people could think ahead!!!
Funny thing happened on the way to work
Spotted - guy in his mid-forties jamming out to tunes in his car on the drive to work this morning and banging on his steering wheel and visor like he was playing the best gig of his life!
Great way to start off the day with a smile!
Great way to start off the day with a smile!
Confessions about Me
Here are a few things you need to know about me to start off this new blog:
1) I am turning 30 in exactly two months and one day and for some reason it has really gotten under my skin!
2) I plan to write things on here that are on my mind and will change names and things to keep my identity (and the identity of those I discuss) secret. Some of the things I say may not be pretty but you don't have to like them and I welcome comments because discussion is healthy.
3) My relationship with my mother is virtually non-existent. No matter how hard I try she is not going to change and she is not willing to see things any other way than her own. So I have an interesting balance in trying to stay involved in my parents' lives without ruining my own.
4) I am not one of those people that is satisfied with being average. I'm totally okay with other people being average if that's what makes them happy - I just can't let myself be average. I am always pushing for more, trying to challenge myself further, and generally not okay with the status quo. It's just me and it's my biggest strength and my biggest weakness.
5) I have an amazing husband who I have been married to for nearly 5 years as well as a 3 year old son. I couldn't ask for a better family life in that respect, but our life is far from perfect either. I feel very blessed with the family God has given me especially given my #3 situation above.
6) I love to dance - just about everywhere and anytime. Now don't get dirty and think I mean stripping or pole dancing or something like that. Just the other cool kinds like jazz, hip-hop, tap, at weddings, at the club, in my car, with my son, etc. I HATE ballet although I respect *most* people who do it because I know how difficult it is - I just hate how slow it is and don't have the appreciation for it that I should because I don't enjoy doing it myself.
7) I am an only child - this makes #3 even more difficult. I liked being an only child growing up and even don't really mind it all that much now. That's why I am okay with my son possibly being an only child. That topic is still up for debate, but I'm okay with it if we decide to stick with one and know the benefits for him if he ends up being an only child.
8) I am constantly evolving (see #4) and because of this I have had several "careers" in my life and still not sure if the one I am in (3.5+ years and counting) is the one that will stick. Mainly because I feel like I've hit a rut in my job (or my company not sure which) and don't know how to get out of it. This is something I will probably write about more soon because it is on my mind a lot right now.
9) I still have a few close friends from high school, a few from college, and a few from work life. I am kind of shy at first but am outgoing once I know people, and I am friendly most of the time and make friends easily. I just don't trust people too much because I've been burned several times.
10) I have done some things in my early adult life that I am not 100% proud of but know that God was watching over me and saved me from a lot. I am overall a good kid though - always have been, always will be. I can have lots of fun without drinking, but I can appreciate a good glass of wine or mojito now and then. I like who I am and know that all of my experiences (good and bad) make up who I am.
11) I am a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" - I have to be given all of the great and/or crazy things that have happened to me in my life. I know God has a plan for me and I'm just hoping I can fulfill my dreams one day (once I figure out exactly what those are). I worry a lot about money and being taken care of, but then I remember that everything will be okay if I just give it time and pray about it.
12) I'm obsessed with weddings. Really, I think I just enjoy party-planning in general and weddings happen the most often. But I like to help my friends/coworkers find a great deal or come up with creative ideas on a budget. There is nothing I like more than finding something amazing without paying a fortune for it. I am not artistic but I am creative, and I love that because I am blessed to have some more artistic friends who can help follow through the idea if I can't seem to create what's in my head.
13) My lucky number is 13 so I will stop after this one! I spend a LOT of time in the car in traffic, but I've learned to use this time as time to think and process things from the day (on the way home) or to jam out to music and relax. I take a dance class two nights per week by my work so that helps me to avoid traffic on those evenings at least, but otherwise it is the bane of my existence. If I could have that 1.5-2 hours back a day, I would be so much happier, but such is life and money doesn't grow on trees so we live farther away in the suburbs which is enjoyable on the evenings and weekends. You can't have it all unfortunately!
More to come soon!!! I look forward to confessing to you (and hope to get some readers soon!)!
1) I am turning 30 in exactly two months and one day and for some reason it has really gotten under my skin!
2) I plan to write things on here that are on my mind and will change names and things to keep my identity (and the identity of those I discuss) secret. Some of the things I say may not be pretty but you don't have to like them and I welcome comments because discussion is healthy.
3) My relationship with my mother is virtually non-existent. No matter how hard I try she is not going to change and she is not willing to see things any other way than her own. So I have an interesting balance in trying to stay involved in my parents' lives without ruining my own.
4) I am not one of those people that is satisfied with being average. I'm totally okay with other people being average if that's what makes them happy - I just can't let myself be average. I am always pushing for more, trying to challenge myself further, and generally not okay with the status quo. It's just me and it's my biggest strength and my biggest weakness.
5) I have an amazing husband who I have been married to for nearly 5 years as well as a 3 year old son. I couldn't ask for a better family life in that respect, but our life is far from perfect either. I feel very blessed with the family God has given me especially given my #3 situation above.
6) I love to dance - just about everywhere and anytime. Now don't get dirty and think I mean stripping or pole dancing or something like that. Just the other cool kinds like jazz, hip-hop, tap, at weddings, at the club, in my car, with my son, etc. I HATE ballet although I respect *most* people who do it because I know how difficult it is - I just hate how slow it is and don't have the appreciation for it that I should because I don't enjoy doing it myself.
7) I am an only child - this makes #3 even more difficult. I liked being an only child growing up and even don't really mind it all that much now. That's why I am okay with my son possibly being an only child. That topic is still up for debate, but I'm okay with it if we decide to stick with one and know the benefits for him if he ends up being an only child.
8) I am constantly evolving (see #4) and because of this I have had several "careers" in my life and still not sure if the one I am in (3.5+ years and counting) is the one that will stick. Mainly because I feel like I've hit a rut in my job (or my company not sure which) and don't know how to get out of it. This is something I will probably write about more soon because it is on my mind a lot right now.
9) I still have a few close friends from high school, a few from college, and a few from work life. I am kind of shy at first but am outgoing once I know people, and I am friendly most of the time and make friends easily. I just don't trust people too much because I've been burned several times.
10) I have done some things in my early adult life that I am not 100% proud of but know that God was watching over me and saved me from a lot. I am overall a good kid though - always have been, always will be. I can have lots of fun without drinking, but I can appreciate a good glass of wine or mojito now and then. I like who I am and know that all of my experiences (good and bad) make up who I am.
11) I am a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" - I have to be given all of the great and/or crazy things that have happened to me in my life. I know God has a plan for me and I'm just hoping I can fulfill my dreams one day (once I figure out exactly what those are). I worry a lot about money and being taken care of, but then I remember that everything will be okay if I just give it time and pray about it.
12) I'm obsessed with weddings. Really, I think I just enjoy party-planning in general and weddings happen the most often. But I like to help my friends/coworkers find a great deal or come up with creative ideas on a budget. There is nothing I like more than finding something amazing without paying a fortune for it. I am not artistic but I am creative, and I love that because I am blessed to have some more artistic friends who can help follow through the idea if I can't seem to create what's in my head.
13) My lucky number is 13 so I will stop after this one! I spend a LOT of time in the car in traffic, but I've learned to use this time as time to think and process things from the day (on the way home) or to jam out to music and relax. I take a dance class two nights per week by my work so that helps me to avoid traffic on those evenings at least, but otherwise it is the bane of my existence. If I could have that 1.5-2 hours back a day, I would be so much happier, but such is life and money doesn't grow on trees so we live farther away in the suburbs which is enjoyable on the evenings and weekends. You can't have it all unfortunately!
More to come soon!!! I look forward to confessing to you (and hope to get some readers soon!)!
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