As my brain secretly hums the cheesy 80s song in the background, I thought it was time for me to write again on some things I've been pondering lately. I am very angry at myself lately because I am in a funk. I am feeling discouraged, I am feeling confused, and I'm just not feeling like things are right in my world. I am definitely hitting some sort of partial-life crisis or something!
This all started a few weeks ago when my review went a little differently than I first imagined it would. It wasn't a bad review in the slighest. I received the highest marks possible in the section having to do with my work, and the good job marks in the other areas as well. However, two years ago when I had been promoted to my current position, I had asked how the whole career progression worked, and they told me while it is not exactly laid out very well (major issue!), that in two years I should be eligible for the next promotion.
So I kind of thought my chance had come, and I would at least be given the option. Now you may wonder why I said option vs. promotion because there are very few cases someone would not WANT to accept a promotion. However, being the genius people that they are, this promotion step (even though it's not the right time because I wouldn't be managing anyone or anything like that) would switch me from being able to get overtime/double-time like I currently am to being solely salaried. I had heard complaining before from people in my same position in other offices that they actually felt like they lost money in switching over, which is why I thought I would be given the choice and get to see what the pure salary version would be vs. what I make with salary and overtime in a typical year. However, I was told that they hadn't "pushed" for my promotion this year because of the economy and that it probably wasn't a good time to have to switch over.
All of this I understand and I may have decided against taking the promotion,but at the same time, it really hurt me that I wasn't given the choice. It made me feel like I wasn't performing well (even though that wasn't the case) and it made me feel like others in the company who didn't know the reasoning behind it would think I wasn't performing well since I didn't receive the promotion even though people in other offices who have been at our company for less time got it earlier. To top it all off, my coworker did receive her first promotion (which she definitely deserved), but now we are the same exact title and she has been here for just over a year, and I have been here over 3.5 years!!!
From that point on, I was determined to figure out how I could better myself even further so that they would stop and pay attention and give me recognition or a promotion or something. If this company wasn't willing to help me further myself by giving me the promotion, then I needed to do something for myself. So I looked at certifications I could receive and masters degrees that I might want to pursue and everything else under the sun. As much as I might enjoy and even prosper later on down the line from partaking in something like that, in the short term, those things equal extra $$, and since I didn't get a raise this year nor did my husband due to the economy), we are feeling the pinch in trying to be conscious of our budget especially since our son starts full-time preschool in the fall which will cost us twice what we are paying now!
Needless to say, I was a bit frustrated, but I have tried to plod on and not be disappointed or discouraged. I am hoping our economy picks up soon so I have other options eventually - I'm not very patient with this time of our world! This weekend, though, put the final nail in the coffin for me and I'm having a very hard time feeling motivated or excited about work-related life. My good friend that I have known my entire life told me how much she makes and how she was going to ask for a raise since they are underpaying her, and the amount she CURRENTLY makes without the raise is $21 THOUSAND more than me!!!! Not to mention the fact that she started at her company a year after I started at mine, AND I actually interviewed at that company when I interviewed at my current company, didn't get the job so I took this job, then they called me a month in and said they made a mistake and wanted to hire me, and I told them I was happy and settling in to my new position and wasn't interested. It makes me want to shoot myself in the foot!!!!
I know that everything happens for a reason, and I will continue to maintain a positive front for all of the world to see. I just need the ability to vent about it and put my thoughts out there. As frustrated as I am with the situation, I know God has a plan, and the last time I was in this situation of frustration, God provided me with many things. I am hoping we can get to church this Sunday so I can talk with Him more, and will continue to add to my daily prayers a request for His guidance as we try to navigate these scary times. I just want an OPPORTUNITY - a chance to really utilize my talents and the hard work I have done all of these years and make some good money for my family!
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