I feel like a cheater

I don't know why but I feel like I have cheated. Don't worry, it's not the kind of cheating you think. I just feel like I have cheated on my work. Because the thought has even come across my mind of moving to another job or another company. I shouldn't have to feel like a cheater because I am not. I would be very loyal to this company if they would let me. I have had four good years here and would like to have more. But I can't sit by and not make more money and not be given opportunities.

So this weekend, I put my resume together. I wanted to have it "on file" just in case of emergency. After a weird conversation last week with someone from one of our other offices, my defenses are up, and I definitely don't want to be left high and dry. I'm not specifically looking right now - I just want to make sure I am prepared. In case something amazing comes along...or in case I really need it because I've been laid off or something crazy. I want the best and I deserve the best and I work too hard to not have it.

Right now is NOT a good time to be looking for a new position. The thought of having to drive farther or deal with downtown parking or balancing my dance class or anything else is scary. I like the people I work with here. I like meeting new people through my job. I like knowing relatively what my schedule will look like ahead of time. I like getting to travel a little bit even though it is hard on my son and husband. I like leading the book club at work and being able to share my thoughts and opinions on things. I like being looked up to as someone with experience here, someone that knows what they are doing and should be taken seriously. But I want more and the changes I see coming back at me are scary. I can only hope and pray that God has a plan for me and will make it known so He can guide me.

I sent my resume to one job but now the salary is different than what was posted and I am not moving unless the salary is higher and the benefits are the same. Because I definitely have AMAZING medical benefits here and vacation and all of that. I can't complain about any of those things by any means. So I don't know if I will even bother going to meet with the recruiter that posted the position because I'm not all that thrilled by it. It is for a law firm and I left law firms for a reason. I don't need to jump ship. I can wait for something I REALLY want to do. Heck, maybe I'll open my own business one of these days and pursue my passion for event planning. I already have a DJ, graphic designer, and photographer at my disposal. Maybe one day....

But for now at least I have that document saved at home in case I need it! ;)