All day I have felt restless. It's probably because of the fact that I have a million and one things bouncing around my brain right now! And the fact that I just had a vacation not too long ago, a three day weekend last weekend, and another three day weekend coming up for a wedding this weekend. Two nights from now, we will be heading to Austin for the festivities to begin.
This week I am preparing for my intern group to arrive. Our first meeting will be this Sunday night where I will get to enjoy a good dinner with them, but it will be my first real time of having to do extra "work" without the benefit of OT/DT to sweeten the deal. I'm not looking forward to "working for free" this summer, but it is what it is. I feel pretty good about having prepared most of it ahead of time, so I'm not too stressed about being out on Friday before they arrive.
At the wedding this weekend, I am not only the matron of honor but I am also doing all of the flowers for the wedding. I'm really excited about doing the flowers and a little nervous too. I went this weekend and got all of the little extras I needed (floral tape, floral clay, foam balls, etc.). I can't wait for it to be done and hopefully look awesome so I can take lots of pictures to be proud of. It will be a great way for me to express my creativity so I'm really excited to see my vision be a reality. Now if I can just get through Friday and the ceremony, then I can really enjoy the reception!
This weekend, I received an e-mail through Linked!n regarding a position similar to mine with another firm similar to mine. I think the reputation of my firm is better, but I e-mailed back to just get some more details including the salary range they were considering for the position. Unfortunately, it's about the same as what I am making now, although they are only requiring 2 years of experience and I have 5! It would have been nice to be making this much 3 years ago! I have to believe that one of these days, someone out there is going to see my true worth and give me a position that will challenge me and give me the money and benefits I deserve.
In the meantime, I will continue my classes (finished the first one this weekend - woohoo!) and work hard here to see what happens. I have given up on a real future here even though it makes me want to cry to even think about having to leave, but I am probably going to need to stick around until the end of the year/beginning of the new year in order to get all of my classes completed and paid for by the company. I remain hopeful for my big break - I know they are out there because I have examples of them nearby through friends and former coworkers. I just need my turn! :)
Guess that's all for now - I will probably try to leave in about an hour so I can at least be at home and read or something to try to relax my brain a bit since it's on overdrive with all of this right now. I need to take things one day at a time and just be thankful for what I have right now - but I can still continue to push myself for even more because I know I can get it and I know I deserve it.
This past weekend was pretty fabulous as was our vacation so I'm looking forward to more good days ahead! :)
6.01.2010
4.14.2010
The Poop Hit the Fan and Now I'm Cleaning up the Mess!
So I finally got my comp letter and review last week...and let's just say it was worst than I expected. I did get the promotion as I suspected, but the terms were awful because I will be making LESS money with my promotion than I did last year. It sucks but I'm dealing. I started a new workout schedule in the mornings this week to help manage everything between work, school, family, etc. It is working and makes me more positive and awake throughout the day. I have been talking to people at work about it and trying to figure out what to do and if anything can be changed. I'm gathering data on the hours I worked for the past few years and making a list of the additional responsibilities I will have over the next year. My boss isn't being helpful at all (when I asked her about it last Friday she told me she would find out more information and I haven't heard a peep from her), but I have other people on my side. EDITED: While I have other people on my side, they are started to become defeated by my boss and the powers that be and I don't think anything will be done to change things around here. So frustrating and sad at the same time!
On the positive side, I'm doing well in my class and have scheduled my professional exam for the end of June (was going to wait until December-January) so I can get that done and out of the way. So by the end of October I will be done with all of my school, can get reimbursed by my company, and then if in December or the new year something else great comes along, I will definitely be open to it! I know the people here think I do a really good job and would be freaked out if I was to leave, so I'm holding on to that for the next year until I can figure out my next move. :) I'm proud of myself for dealing with this the way I am and hope I can continue to be strong and take the steps I need to take.
On the positive side, I'm doing well in my class and have scheduled my professional exam for the end of June (was going to wait until December-January) so I can get that done and out of the way. So by the end of October I will be done with all of my school, can get reimbursed by my company, and then if in December or the new year something else great comes along, I will definitely be open to it! I know the people here think I do a really good job and would be freaked out if I was to leave, so I'm holding on to that for the next year until I can figure out my next move. :) I'm proud of myself for dealing with this the way I am and hope I can continue to be strong and take the steps I need to take.
4.07.2010
I am slowing going crazy....1,2,3,4,5,6 switch!
When I was little, we had this silly song that we used to sing in music class that has always stuck in my head for some reason. And right now I feel like I am slowing going crazy so the song pops into my head several times a day. Why you may ask? For a few reasons that I'm about to tell you whether you want me to or not! The first is that I am extremely bored at this time of year. I like being busy. I like being productive. And right now, I'm not really able to be either. It's not that busy because this is our "slow" time at work until the summer program starts in June, and I'm not able to be productive because the few things I have to work on need to be run through my boss and she is ignoring my e-mails and is generally doing nothing as well. Ergo, I can't be productive either. It is infuriating!
So I've used the opportunity, even though I feel guilty about it, to do some of my school work on company time. I wouldn't normally do that, but rather than just sit here and be bored and do nothing all day, at least I'm learning. And that is one thing that is going well. I am enjoying my class so far and have found it enlightening and informative which are all good things. I finished the first module which was scheduled for two weeks in about 5 days including taking the test for that module and scoring 100%! So I'm happy that I took the steps to get that done. :)
Another thing that is slowly driving me crazy is the fact that I have yet to have my review (or even to have it scheduled). Last year at this time, when it didn't even matter because we weren't getting any raises or anything, I had already received my review by this point in time. This year, I apparently finally got the promotion I should have received! However, I don't know anything about the terms (it will switch me from non-exempt to exempt) and I found out because the internal people finder says my updated title and my timecard changed on Monday when I submitted from last week. But did my boss say a word to me? NO NOT A PEEP! It is probably the most disrespectful thing she could have done, and I can't wait until the officewide meeting when they will probably announce my promotion and I still won't have received my comp letter or review. I have no idea when I will get paid again (non-exempt gets paid weekly, exempt is only twice a month) or how much I am now making. It is just so poor managing it amazes me.
Along with that, I was sort of secretly hoping that they would realize what a poor manager I have and do something about it this review cycle. But I am feeling fairly confident that I am going to have to continue to deal with this situation for awhile longer. It makes me want to scream or cry in frustration on an almost daily basis and when it's busy it is very counterproductive to getting work done. I don't know how I will do it. I know I can because I have dealt with it for some time now, but it is the one thing that makes my job extra miserable. I think without that frustrating, stressful situation, I would be happy at work. I wish this would resolve, and I feel like my patience has been tested long enough. But I will just keep waiting and hoping for something good to come along!
In addition, I feel helpless for my husband's situation. His work is driving him nuts and it affects both him and me/our son on an almost daily basis. For some reason, he is too afraid to even apply to another job, to even see what other options he might have. I hope he can be brave enough to push his boundaries and take this next step. I am ready for us both to have a change in this area of our lives so that it can be less crushing on the rest of our lives.
Here's hoping to good things ahead and that I don't actually go crazy! j/k ;)
So I've used the opportunity, even though I feel guilty about it, to do some of my school work on company time. I wouldn't normally do that, but rather than just sit here and be bored and do nothing all day, at least I'm learning. And that is one thing that is going well. I am enjoying my class so far and have found it enlightening and informative which are all good things. I finished the first module which was scheduled for two weeks in about 5 days including taking the test for that module and scoring 100%! So I'm happy that I took the steps to get that done. :)
Another thing that is slowly driving me crazy is the fact that I have yet to have my review (or even to have it scheduled). Last year at this time, when it didn't even matter because we weren't getting any raises or anything, I had already received my review by this point in time. This year, I apparently finally got the promotion I should have received! However, I don't know anything about the terms (it will switch me from non-exempt to exempt) and I found out because the internal people finder says my updated title and my timecard changed on Monday when I submitted from last week. But did my boss say a word to me? NO NOT A PEEP! It is probably the most disrespectful thing she could have done, and I can't wait until the officewide meeting when they will probably announce my promotion and I still won't have received my comp letter or review. I have no idea when I will get paid again (non-exempt gets paid weekly, exempt is only twice a month) or how much I am now making. It is just so poor managing it amazes me.
Along with that, I was sort of secretly hoping that they would realize what a poor manager I have and do something about it this review cycle. But I am feeling fairly confident that I am going to have to continue to deal with this situation for awhile longer. It makes me want to scream or cry in frustration on an almost daily basis and when it's busy it is very counterproductive to getting work done. I don't know how I will do it. I know I can because I have dealt with it for some time now, but it is the one thing that makes my job extra miserable. I think without that frustrating, stressful situation, I would be happy at work. I wish this would resolve, and I feel like my patience has been tested long enough. But I will just keep waiting and hoping for something good to come along!
In addition, I feel helpless for my husband's situation. His work is driving him nuts and it affects both him and me/our son on an almost daily basis. For some reason, he is too afraid to even apply to another job, to even see what other options he might have. I hope he can be brave enough to push his boundaries and take this next step. I am ready for us both to have a change in this area of our lives so that it can be less crushing on the rest of our lives.
Here's hoping to good things ahead and that I don't actually go crazy! j/k ;)
3.23.2010
Going back to school!
Woohoo! After much waiting and complaining and worrying, they have approved my tuition reimbursement to take my masters certificate classes. :) So by October, I will have completed all three and can study to take the PHR in December/January. I'm looking forward to this next step in my journey. I hope it's not too overwhelming or hard, but yet challenging. I think that no matter what, it will give me the chance to explore other opportunities in my field in case I want to stay within the area but in a different type of role in the future as well as add something to my resume. And the best part is that it's free because the company is paying for it 100%. It's about time that I get something great out of the deal! Ha! :) My son also had a GREAT 4-year-old checkup this morning and had a great day at school afterwards, and I also found out that his teacher has been asked to move up to PreK5 next year, so he may get to have her again in the fall! I hope it all works out - today has been a good day (other than my hubby's whining about his sore throat - ha!).
3.22.2010
Sleepy Day
Last night, I didn't get very much sleep at all. I went to bed at a pretty decent time, but first I had a hard time falling asleep. I read for a little while, then got on the computer for a little while, and then finally when the sleep timer went off, I decided I would try to sleep. My husband fell asleep before me (which RARELY happens), and he had a cold from the weather changing so he was miserable all night. He then proceeded to make me miserable in turn all night by tossing and turning and moaning and complaining about how he didn't feel well. I swear, men are the biggest wimps when it comes to being sick. They get a little cold and they act like the world is ending. At least it's supposed to start warming up today, and hopefully the warm weather will stick around this time.
I have had a hard time motivating myself at work lately. There are a lot of factors to this. One is the fact that we aren't all that busy this time of year, so it is really hard for me to focus on the few things I do need to get done because they aren't pressing. Second is the fact that my boss, despite telling us she didn't want to do this any more, is micromanaging random things again, so even if I want to get stuff done, I need to wait for like 5 other people's approval before a decision can be made and she doesn't even present that decision to be made until the last minute because she is a procrastinator. So I figure I can't get it done anyways, might as well not do it right now. So I sit and wait A LOT waiting for her to get back to me on things. Good times!
Additionally, we are about to have our reviews sometime in the first week of April, so things are kind of teeter-tottering at this point. I have NO idea how the review will go because last year I wasn't expecting the goofiness that I got, so I have no expectations this year. Also, I am curious to see how things will go with my boss' reallocation which was already instated and how that will fare for the future after her own review. Things could get interesting around here in the next few weeks. I also have requested tuition reimbursement on a series of 3 classes to get a masters certificate. I am waiting patiently to hear back, but am hoping to hear something today or tomorrow as the classes start next Thursday and I need to get the materials ordered and here on time. There is no reason that they shouldn't cover them because I have been an employee here for 4.5 years and never asked for tuition reimbursement before, plus they are related to my job and will help make me more valuable and knowledgeable. So I don't know what the hold-up is but hopefully that will get approved later today and I can get registered for that.
Overall, this is a very boring post, but I wanted to update the world (not that anyone really reads - ha) on my current situation....hopefully I will get out of a rut one of these days. I'm ready for bigger and better things - I'm ready to show the world how great I can be if someone can just give me the chance. Until then, I will sit back and try my hardest and keep pushing myself so that maybe my wish will come true!
I have had a hard time motivating myself at work lately. There are a lot of factors to this. One is the fact that we aren't all that busy this time of year, so it is really hard for me to focus on the few things I do need to get done because they aren't pressing. Second is the fact that my boss, despite telling us she didn't want to do this any more, is micromanaging random things again, so even if I want to get stuff done, I need to wait for like 5 other people's approval before a decision can be made and she doesn't even present that decision to be made until the last minute because she is a procrastinator. So I figure I can't get it done anyways, might as well not do it right now. So I sit and wait A LOT waiting for her to get back to me on things. Good times!
Additionally, we are about to have our reviews sometime in the first week of April, so things are kind of teeter-tottering at this point. I have NO idea how the review will go because last year I wasn't expecting the goofiness that I got, so I have no expectations this year. Also, I am curious to see how things will go with my boss' reallocation which was already instated and how that will fare for the future after her own review. Things could get interesting around here in the next few weeks. I also have requested tuition reimbursement on a series of 3 classes to get a masters certificate. I am waiting patiently to hear back, but am hoping to hear something today or tomorrow as the classes start next Thursday and I need to get the materials ordered and here on time. There is no reason that they shouldn't cover them because I have been an employee here for 4.5 years and never asked for tuition reimbursement before, plus they are related to my job and will help make me more valuable and knowledgeable. So I don't know what the hold-up is but hopefully that will get approved later today and I can get registered for that.
Overall, this is a very boring post, but I wanted to update the world (not that anyone really reads - ha) on my current situation....hopefully I will get out of a rut one of these days. I'm ready for bigger and better things - I'm ready to show the world how great I can be if someone can just give me the chance. Until then, I will sit back and try my hardest and keep pushing myself so that maybe my wish will come true!
2.25.2010
Holes
I'm in a rut - I'm in a hole. I don't know how to dig out. I am just stuck and can't see the light up above any more. There are great things in the hole with me - loving husband, adorable son, great house, cars, material things. But I want us to be on solid ground. I want us to have something to celebrate (other than the wonderful day-to-day of course that I'm very thankful for). My job is sucking the life out of me. It's not bad by any means, and I am grateful to have it and think that I work for a pretty good company in the grand scheme of things. But I'm in a rut.
I feel like I'm treading water for 4.5 years and somehow can't manage to make it to the side to get out and move on. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get out. I apply for a job here or there only to be quickly denied because I don't quite meet the qualifications or there are 500 other people out there with even more experience. I don't think my resume speaks for me. I don't think it shows what a hard worker I am, how I go above and beyond in my work, rarely miss work save for a few vacations a year and once in awhile a sick day, and still manage to be a wife and a mother. Or how even when I have a million and one things go on with my specific duties, I still manage to find time to help out my coworkers or contribute to various committees/projects around the office to make it a better place. Those things don't show on my resume, and I don't know how to make them.
So I'm stuck. I am hoping to at least get a promotion (which I deserved last year but wasn't given for no good reason) this year but it's still not enough. It's just a promotion of title change and maybe a little salary bump, but there is no future here. And yet I can't seem to get out and find something else either. So I feel like I'm trying with all of my might to claw on the sides of the hole and dig out, but every time I think I'm making progress, more dirt slides back in and keeps me buried where I am. I'm hopeful that one of these days someone will recognize the jewel that I am amongst the dirt and help to pull me out and give me another chance and let me be the person I know I can be. Until then, I guess I'll keep on treading and keep on pushing myself to find that light at the top of the hole.
I feel like I'm treading water for 4.5 years and somehow can't manage to make it to the side to get out and move on. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get out. I apply for a job here or there only to be quickly denied because I don't quite meet the qualifications or there are 500 other people out there with even more experience. I don't think my resume speaks for me. I don't think it shows what a hard worker I am, how I go above and beyond in my work, rarely miss work save for a few vacations a year and once in awhile a sick day, and still manage to be a wife and a mother. Or how even when I have a million and one things go on with my specific duties, I still manage to find time to help out my coworkers or contribute to various committees/projects around the office to make it a better place. Those things don't show on my resume, and I don't know how to make them.
So I'm stuck. I am hoping to at least get a promotion (which I deserved last year but wasn't given for no good reason) this year but it's still not enough. It's just a promotion of title change and maybe a little salary bump, but there is no future here. And yet I can't seem to get out and find something else either. So I feel like I'm trying with all of my might to claw on the sides of the hole and dig out, but every time I think I'm making progress, more dirt slides back in and keeps me buried where I am. I'm hopeful that one of these days someone will recognize the jewel that I am amongst the dirt and help to pull me out and give me another chance and let me be the person I know I can be. Until then, I guess I'll keep on treading and keep on pushing myself to find that light at the top of the hole.
2.04.2010
Lost?
My husband and I LOVE the TV show "Lost." I actually think that my husband may go into a depression when it ends this May. ;) The interesting thing about that show is that it has so many different scenarios and "realities" for the characters. So you really can think through and see all of the different paths a person's life can take based on the various choices they make and the outside influences that guide them.
As you know, I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction I want to take with my work life. I love what I do but I always feel like there is the "now what" creeping in. In college, I minored in psychology. It was always something I was interested in, and I really enjoyed nearly all of my psychology classes and did well in them. I found it fascinating the different ways the mind worked and all of the conditions that can affect a person. I sort of blew it off though as a fun thing to minor in, but nothing more. However, lately I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have pursued that a little farther and become a licensed professional counselor or something like that. I love helping people which would be a great fit, and I think I have a natural ability for it and people seem drawn to tell me their issues already.
The complication is that that would mean a total career change (yet again). Plus a few years of schooling of which I don't know how we would pay the tuition on top of everything else. So I keep trying to push that idea out of my mind because it's not realistic. But what is? Is sitting around waiting for something to change in my current situation realistic?
We got a letter from the new pastor at the church where Cooper's school is. He is starting a new series this weekend about opening doors, and the letter really spoke to me. It talked about getting enough courage to try something that you've always wanted to do or to tell someone something you've been holding back. The 2nd doesn't apply to me, but the first really hit home and I sort of saw it as a sign. I am hoping we can go this Sunday and check it out and listen to what he says. Maybe it will give me some clarity. I had a dream last weekend that Austin told me that he had got a call from God. Ever since, I feel like He is trying to communicate with me somehow and if I could just get there to talk to Him, I would have some clarity.
2010 is one of those years where I just feel something big is going to happen. I don't know what that is yet or what direction it may take me, but I'm ready. I love my life and my family and I'm so thankful for all that we have. I am just ready to take that next step, whatever it is, in my life and career. So even though I feel a little lost sometimes lately, I'm hoping that, like the show, this period of time will soon be over.
As you know, I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction I want to take with my work life. I love what I do but I always feel like there is the "now what" creeping in. In college, I minored in psychology. It was always something I was interested in, and I really enjoyed nearly all of my psychology classes and did well in them. I found it fascinating the different ways the mind worked and all of the conditions that can affect a person. I sort of blew it off though as a fun thing to minor in, but nothing more. However, lately I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have pursued that a little farther and become a licensed professional counselor or something like that. I love helping people which would be a great fit, and I think I have a natural ability for it and people seem drawn to tell me their issues already.
The complication is that that would mean a total career change (yet again). Plus a few years of schooling of which I don't know how we would pay the tuition on top of everything else. So I keep trying to push that idea out of my mind because it's not realistic. But what is? Is sitting around waiting for something to change in my current situation realistic?
We got a letter from the new pastor at the church where Cooper's school is. He is starting a new series this weekend about opening doors, and the letter really spoke to me. It talked about getting enough courage to try something that you've always wanted to do or to tell someone something you've been holding back. The 2nd doesn't apply to me, but the first really hit home and I sort of saw it as a sign. I am hoping we can go this Sunday and check it out and listen to what he says. Maybe it will give me some clarity. I had a dream last weekend that Austin told me that he had got a call from God. Ever since, I feel like He is trying to communicate with me somehow and if I could just get there to talk to Him, I would have some clarity.
2010 is one of those years where I just feel something big is going to happen. I don't know what that is yet or what direction it may take me, but I'm ready. I love my life and my family and I'm so thankful for all that we have. I am just ready to take that next step, whatever it is, in my life and career. So even though I feel a little lost sometimes lately, I'm hoping that, like the show, this period of time will soon be over.
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