Planning!

I am a planner - love it!  I love nothing more than getting my brand new calendar for the year (or in the case of the one that I keep in my purse the school year) and filling it out with birthdays and other yearly events and then anything else I know already that is coming up ahead.  It is silly and I'm sure other people dread it, but I am a planner and I'm proud of it!  ;)  So lately, I've been trying to plan ahead for some upcoming events. 

One of these is my son's 4th birthday.  Saying four just seems so very old - I can hardly believe that my little baby boy is going to four this year!  But he is and there needs to be a party and this is the first year that I feel like we can't do the lame adult party at our house for him and that he needs to have some friends from school and have a "real" birthday party.  So I go about looking at all of the options in the area to have a birthday party for little kids, and now I feel like the cheapest mom there is.  Because the place where the other kids had their party (a local jumping party place) is $180-$250 for a party which just seems ridiculous to me for a four year olds birthday especially when I have no idea how many children will actually show.  We need to invite everyone in his class which is fine (11 with my son) plus 1-3 other family/friend kids.  But it is the Saturday before the local spring break so I am not sure what attendance will be like.  And to pay $200+ for 5 kids to show is ridiculous (in my opinion).  I want Cooper to have a WONDERFUL birthday party, but I also don't want to spend a fortune on something like that because I want to be able to get him gifts too!  So frustrating!

In addition, I was going to plan a friend's baby shower and another friend's wedding shower.  I think we are figuring out the wedding shower situation (she originally gave us a date 3 weeks away!), but the baby shower is a totally different story altogether.  I guess I was late in asking about it because I was debating whether I wanted to be involved in hosting (just hosted 2 wedding showers for this same person not even a year ago!), so there were two other women that also offered to host.  I would make a third which would be great to help split cost and burden.  The one other woman is also one I worked with on one of the wedding showers so no problems there - the other is someone I don't really know.  I have known my friend for nearly our entire lives (25.5 years and counting), and am obviously an important person in her life.  However, the date she originally suggested is the same weekend I already booked flights to go see my grandmother (the first weekend I can really get away for a long weekend to see her when her health is failing).  So we worked on another date and then the one woman e-mails the others, leaving me off, and basically says she can do either date but she prefers the date that I am gone so maybe that is better.  Fine by me - one less thing I have to plan and although I'll be sad to miss it because she is my good friend, she and I can do something together later which will probably end up being more fun anyways.  It's just the idea of squeezing me out that makes me hot.

On top of that, I'm trying really hard to find another avenue for me to get involved in life.  I have been researching churches in the area to see if I can find a place that we would like to try out.  Now I just have to convince my hubby to take the time to do it!  It will take a few visits to a few different places, but it will be worth it if we find a good place and can meet good people from it.  I've also looked at a few graduate programs, but that seems like such a scary venture to take on since it costs so much money.  I need to figure out something though because I am not feeling 100% fulfilled in my current job and I don't see that changing any time soon.  Plus we have reviews/raises coming up soon, and I have a feeling that there will be disappointment again this year from that as well as the potential move of our office location next year so that my commute would be even farther than it is now.  These are all things that make the prospect of staying here in the same spot very scary.  Of course considering another opportunity is even scarier!  I have a feeling that 2010 is going to be a very interesting year for me as things play out in crazy ways. 

I am sure I have thoroughly bored you by now (although I don't think I have any real readers anyways so I guess it doesn't matter!), so I will end my tirade of nothing.  I wish this day would end...I'm over it!  This has been a slow week - I wish the bad weather would come in tomorrow instead of Friday because I actually have stuff going on Friday (and DATE NIGHT WOOHOO) that I would like to do whereas tomorrow is much of nothing again.  I can dream! 

Inspiration

Wow, I just reread what I wrote on that last post.  It makes me seem like a crazy person.  And I sort of have been feeling like a crazy person lately due to the hormones I am taking to fight my "endometriosis."  So I'm going off of them.  It's not worth it to me to feel like that all of the time.  I know there is the possibility that it might grow back or that it make it harder for us to get pregnant in the future.  But like I said before, we aren't even sure how we feel about that topic so there's no point in making myself miserable in the meantime. 


For those who don't know what endometriosis is, it basically means that the tissue that is supposed to grow inside of your uterus (and help if you were to conceive a child, etc.) decides to start growing in places it shouldn't be growing.  In my case, that meant the outside of my uterine wall, my bladder, and a few other areas.  I don't think it hit me originally what all of it meant, but now I know that like my hubby, I am going to be dealing with this in one form or another for the rest of my life (or at least a good portion of it).  Which is why it was so incredibly frustrating to me when I was dealing with anxiety, mood swings, sleepless nights, cramping legs, memory issues, and all kinds of other lovely things.  When I got all the way to my son's school this morning and THEN realized that I had forgot his backpack for school and had to turn around and do it all over again, I realized enough was enough.  I talked to the doctor and we will just monitor things frequently to see how it is going and go from there.  So I hope to be more human again in a few weeks once everything is back out of my system. ;)


Yesterday, I had the day off from work and while my son was taking a nap, I watched the movie "Julie & Julia."  I found it quite fascinating, and as I sat there watching these two women's stories unfold, I was reminded of two main things.  One was that I should blog more often (!) and the second had to do with inspiration.  I want to inspire people, and I want to be inspired.  I don't want to wake up and mechanically go through the day like one long episode of Groundhog's Day.  It's not worth it.  Sure, life can be monotonous at times, but it's all about what you make of it.  So now I'm on a quest to find my inspiration (and hopefully to inspire others along the way).  These two strong women portrayed in Julie & Julia each took a passion and made it happen - ha - and I hope to follow in their footsteps soon.  I don't know where or how my life will unfold as a result, but I'm looking forward to seeing how the next year progresses.  I am determined to have 2010 be an amazing year, and I already have many blessings to look forward to (Florida trip in March, beach trip in May, and hopefully cruisetour of Alaska in July).  I am one lucky ducky! 


Now if only I could get my attitude in check!  :)

Stuck

I'm pissed today. I'm angry, I'm upset, and I'm generally frustrated. I feel like I can't get ANYTHING done. It's like no matter which way I turn I keep hitting a roadblock. I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I don't want to go back to dealing with the day-to-day boring b.s. from my job or my boss or anything else. I want to get sleep, I want to enjoy life, I want to be happy. I am trying but it's not working. I'm just not happy.

I can't get things done - I wanted to load the pictures from Christmas, but the stupid card reader isn't working now and I can't find the cord that connects the camera directly to the computer. It is SO frustrating. Since I can't do that, I also can't post the furniture online to see if we could sell it to get a little money towards our new furniture set. I understand it's good to get new stuff and it is very nice, but it is rushed and we don't have time to get our carpets cleaned and get everything painted before it come so now that won't get done either. And I just went through all of my summer/winter clothes and changed them out and now I'll have to take it all out again to put in the new furniture. I need to get rid of the old loveseat and the full bedroom set. But I don't know how or where to do it and my husband is not being helpful about it at all. He says he has never sold anything like that before so he doesn't know - well I haven't either so move on and help me figure it out. I want the Christmas stuff out of the house and while we've made progress on this front, we still haven't completed it. It's like we start something but never manage to get it DONE. Our garage is a mess. Our closet is a mess. Our bedroom is a mess (although getting somewhat better). And don't even get me started on our guest room! I hope no one asks unexpectedly to stay the night because they'll be sleeping on the couch. It is ridiculous! I hate living like this.

I haven't showered but I need to but I don't want to shower until I know I'm not going out or doing anything else. But right now the whole world must stand still for 3 hours while we watch the Cowboy game. I hate having a 3 hour stop in the middle of the day. I wish I could get something done other than stare at the TV screen. Maybe I will read - it seems to be a better distraction at least than this.

I want to work out but I can't because I get tired and I get upset and I get lazy. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am starting to lose motivation and all I have left is frustration. It sucks...I will talk to Dr. Fred about it tomorrow I guess because it doesn't feel right and maybe there is something I can do to fix it. I hate this. I want to be happy again. I want to enjoy my life not be pissed about it.