Today was another crazy day. The difference was the attitude I chose to approach my day with. I decided that no matter what I would stay positive and try not to get frustrated with what was happening because right now, I needed to figure out a way to deal with it. And the best part was when I went to go into the meeting with my new executive leader and my extra special school lead, I actually was in the right and it felt so good! Everything I had been trying to tell this guy and he was blowing me off like I was crazy was repeated by the executive. We were on the same page and the school lead was the one having to be on the defensive and be the odd man out. I'm sure it won't last forever, but for today at least he was was squirming a bit being put on the spot and being questioned. I have to take the small victories where I can get them. :)
The rest of the day was pretty much chao and still frustrating in ways but I refused to let it break me and I felt redeemed if even only for a moment. And I decided yesterday that no matter what I would leave on time today to make my Zumba class even if that meant I would have to get online tonight to get more work done. Thankfully I was able to leave on time, made Zumba (although had a hillariously ridiculous instructor substituting tonight for our usual one we like), and then headed home for some much needed time with my guys and relaxing (and didn't even have to get online to work more!).
In other news, my question is - has anyone found an app for the ipad or iphone that they like? I saw there was an iphone app for Blogger and then some other ipad Blogger extra app. Has anyone used these? Is the extra one for the ipad worth it? Please let me know! :)
Hope everyone had a fabulous day and here's to hoping I can survive this craziness until I can figure out what truly is next!
8.06.2012
8.05.2012
Mistakes
Mistakes are a part of life. We learn that at an early age, and if we are taught well and listen well, we learn and grow from them so as not to make the same ones again and to guide our future away from them. I've been thinking a lot lately about mistakes so I decided it was time to wake up my blog again and get my thoughts out on here so *maybe* I can get some sleep tonight!
Last Saturday night, I was up nearly all night long because I had found out that I had made a small input error on something at work. It was stupid and turned out not to be a huge deal at all, but I was devastated. I was in tears on and off all afternoon and evening, I barely slept a wink, I sent an e-mail to my boss at like 1 in the morning to tell her what happened and apologize and ask her help in correcting in, and I still haven't forgotten it even though it has since been corrected and my boss never got upset with me and told me Sunday morning to relax and not worry.
It wasn't the fact that I made a mistake - I've made plenty in my life - it's just that it was kind of the culmination of things I had been thinking about lately in regards to work and not the type of thing I typically do at all. I am not perfect by any means - I will be the first to admit that. However, I am a perfectionist and especially when it comes to work, I rarely make mistakes and when I do, they are simple tiny ones that reusing an old e-mail and forgetting to correct one tiny portion of it which I can easily resend or things like that. Never something like this that turned out to be easy but really was kind of a big deal (at least in my mind).
This Saturday evening, I'm on the verge of not sleeping much again and mainly because I have been thinking all day in the back of my mind (and many other days lately) that I made a mistake in taking my new job. It's hard to admit it and just typing it out and seeing it in writing is difficult. And yet it's a little freeing to finally admit it as well. I didn't see it at first, but when the shiny new wore off a few months in, I started wondering about it. At first, it was this nagging feeling in the very back of my mind that something was off. But over the past few months it has gotten aggressively louder and has been weighing on me more heavily.
As you can tell, I don't like making mistakes (or admitting them - ha!). So to be sitting here 9 months after I took this job and be feeling like I made a mistake doesn't sit well with me. It's not really to say that I want to be back at my old company because that was terrible and stressful and awful in many ways. But it was familiar at least - I knew the stressors there and how to deal with them, I was well respected and acknowledged for being knowledgeable and while I wouldn't have lasted much longer there without losing it (ha), I probably could have stuck it out a little while longer until I found something else that was right. However, I am trying to remember the terrible things there outweighed the good at the end and the quote that you can't start a new chapter if you are constantly re-reading the last one.
Unfortunately, I think my misery there clouded my judgment and I drank up every word they told me in the interview process. Sure, I asked questions, and I told them flat out why I was wanting to leave my job, so they very well knew the things that I needed and was looking for out of a new position. And yet it appears that they lied about them (at least a little bit). I think the company as a whole has the intentions of providing many of the things I was looking for (professional development, mobility, etc.), but either my team or the larger organization that I work within is very restrictive on these dimensions.
When I sat through my first call to discuss my two employees for their mid-point review and heard the discussions that they were having and how ratings had to be in a forced distribution so if the managers called out too many rockstars, that became the new "average" and everyone was knocked down, I left that day and drove home in tears because I knew what that meant. My visions of promotions, career development, etc. were a pipe dream for the most part. Yes, they have praised my work and I've gotten some great feedback in the 9 months I've been there so I KNOW I am good at what I do.
However, I haven't really been recognized for it in any way and my mid-point review was fine but the focus there relies solely on the numbers I am bringing in the door. I hate that. My type of work should be based on relationships, not on numbers. Yes, we should hit our targets (which I always did and exceeded at my old company), but my individual results were never so targeted as they are here. It feels more like a sales position (without the commission) and I don't like that. There is no care for relationships or how you are increasing the brand on campus or how you are elevating how students see the company. It's all about pushing them through the process and getting the numbers on the back end. There is so much we DON'T have any control of here - I can't fight for my candidates during debriefs, I can't really even influence the pipeline all that much due to a number of other factors working against me.
And to top it all off, they have given me one of the most difficult people in the company to work for as one of my school managers (which is TOTALLY opposite of what I had at my last company where I got to handpick my school managers and most of them were people I had hired when I first started there). It doesn't matter what I say or do - it is NEVER good enough. I clearly am not smart enough to write e-mails or present him with ideas or anything. He has to ask 800 other people who he deems better than me (you know people in the business as opposed to me who has 7 years experience in this specific field!) and they have to tell him the same thing for him to get it and then it's suddenly his idea and he acts like I never even mentioned it. How am I supposed to excel with that?
Or the other school they gave me where they wouldn't even let me talk to that team or the school manager until literally last week and school starts in a few weeks and the last recruiter who had the school before me didn't bother to do much of ANYTHING to prepare for the fall. Seriously? In such a forced distribution, required numbers environment, how I am ever going to make it?
The commute is also getting to me much more than I thought it would. I now drive over 30 miles each way to and from work. Luckily, I have been able to work from home 1-2 days a week since about April, but I think that will soon come to an end in the coming weeks so that won't really cut it. I spend 1.25-1.5 each way in traffic. I leave the house around 7:20 to take my son to school/camp and don't get into work until almost 8:45 (so I'm sure that seems late to them) and then try to leave around 5:15 most days but don't get home until 6:45. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day from my house! The days I work from home I usually end up working 10 hours+ trying to get everything done. Oh and they have shipped me to the corporate headquarters several states away 3 times already since I started (2 of which were pretty useless and could have been accomplished on the phone/web) in addition to traveling in the winter (which I never did before) and now about to have at least four 2 night trips in September and October to the coldest places they could find ;)
Ugh, I probably sound like such a jerk for just complaining. I really do. But I needed so badly to get it out and just admit it that I'm not happy and that I've made a mistake. I'm not really sure how I'm going to fix it for now, but I will. It will probably take some time and a lot of tears and frustration in the meantime, but somehow I will find a way to fix it. In the meantime, I really need to figure out how to try to focus on the positives (time with my beautiful family and friends, working out - have been doing Zumba 3-5 times a week so proud of that, and doing the others things I really enjoy). I also get to have a week vacation at the beach with my family the week after this upcoming one (can not wait!) so hopefully that will give me more time to reflect and enjoy. For now, I ask your forgiveness as I vent and complain on here and hope to catch up with my blogging buddies soon. This just another part of my journey that isn't so smooth but I know there are better paved roads ahead and am so thankful for all that I do have and the precious days we have together.
Last Saturday night, I was up nearly all night long because I had found out that I had made a small input error on something at work. It was stupid and turned out not to be a huge deal at all, but I was devastated. I was in tears on and off all afternoon and evening, I barely slept a wink, I sent an e-mail to my boss at like 1 in the morning to tell her what happened and apologize and ask her help in correcting in, and I still haven't forgotten it even though it has since been corrected and my boss never got upset with me and told me Sunday morning to relax and not worry.
It wasn't the fact that I made a mistake - I've made plenty in my life - it's just that it was kind of the culmination of things I had been thinking about lately in regards to work and not the type of thing I typically do at all. I am not perfect by any means - I will be the first to admit that. However, I am a perfectionist and especially when it comes to work, I rarely make mistakes and when I do, they are simple tiny ones that reusing an old e-mail and forgetting to correct one tiny portion of it which I can easily resend or things like that. Never something like this that turned out to be easy but really was kind of a big deal (at least in my mind).
This Saturday evening, I'm on the verge of not sleeping much again and mainly because I have been thinking all day in the back of my mind (and many other days lately) that I made a mistake in taking my new job. It's hard to admit it and just typing it out and seeing it in writing is difficult. And yet it's a little freeing to finally admit it as well. I didn't see it at first, but when the shiny new wore off a few months in, I started wondering about it. At first, it was this nagging feeling in the very back of my mind that something was off. But over the past few months it has gotten aggressively louder and has been weighing on me more heavily.
As you can tell, I don't like making mistakes (or admitting them - ha!). So to be sitting here 9 months after I took this job and be feeling like I made a mistake doesn't sit well with me. It's not really to say that I want to be back at my old company because that was terrible and stressful and awful in many ways. But it was familiar at least - I knew the stressors there and how to deal with them, I was well respected and acknowledged for being knowledgeable and while I wouldn't have lasted much longer there without losing it (ha), I probably could have stuck it out a little while longer until I found something else that was right. However, I am trying to remember the terrible things there outweighed the good at the end and the quote that you can't start a new chapter if you are constantly re-reading the last one.
Unfortunately, I think my misery there clouded my judgment and I drank up every word they told me in the interview process. Sure, I asked questions, and I told them flat out why I was wanting to leave my job, so they very well knew the things that I needed and was looking for out of a new position. And yet it appears that they lied about them (at least a little bit). I think the company as a whole has the intentions of providing many of the things I was looking for (professional development, mobility, etc.), but either my team or the larger organization that I work within is very restrictive on these dimensions.
When I sat through my first call to discuss my two employees for their mid-point review and heard the discussions that they were having and how ratings had to be in a forced distribution so if the managers called out too many rockstars, that became the new "average" and everyone was knocked down, I left that day and drove home in tears because I knew what that meant. My visions of promotions, career development, etc. were a pipe dream for the most part. Yes, they have praised my work and I've gotten some great feedback in the 9 months I've been there so I KNOW I am good at what I do.
However, I haven't really been recognized for it in any way and my mid-point review was fine but the focus there relies solely on the numbers I am bringing in the door. I hate that. My type of work should be based on relationships, not on numbers. Yes, we should hit our targets (which I always did and exceeded at my old company), but my individual results were never so targeted as they are here. It feels more like a sales position (without the commission) and I don't like that. There is no care for relationships or how you are increasing the brand on campus or how you are elevating how students see the company. It's all about pushing them through the process and getting the numbers on the back end. There is so much we DON'T have any control of here - I can't fight for my candidates during debriefs, I can't really even influence the pipeline all that much due to a number of other factors working against me.
And to top it all off, they have given me one of the most difficult people in the company to work for as one of my school managers (which is TOTALLY opposite of what I had at my last company where I got to handpick my school managers and most of them were people I had hired when I first started there). It doesn't matter what I say or do - it is NEVER good enough. I clearly am not smart enough to write e-mails or present him with ideas or anything. He has to ask 800 other people who he deems better than me (you know people in the business as opposed to me who has 7 years experience in this specific field!) and they have to tell him the same thing for him to get it and then it's suddenly his idea and he acts like I never even mentioned it. How am I supposed to excel with that?
Or the other school they gave me where they wouldn't even let me talk to that team or the school manager until literally last week and school starts in a few weeks and the last recruiter who had the school before me didn't bother to do much of ANYTHING to prepare for the fall. Seriously? In such a forced distribution, required numbers environment, how I am ever going to make it?
The commute is also getting to me much more than I thought it would. I now drive over 30 miles each way to and from work. Luckily, I have been able to work from home 1-2 days a week since about April, but I think that will soon come to an end in the coming weeks so that won't really cut it. I spend 1.25-1.5 each way in traffic. I leave the house around 7:20 to take my son to school/camp and don't get into work until almost 8:45 (so I'm sure that seems late to them) and then try to leave around 5:15 most days but don't get home until 6:45. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day from my house! The days I work from home I usually end up working 10 hours+ trying to get everything done. Oh and they have shipped me to the corporate headquarters several states away 3 times already since I started (2 of which were pretty useless and could have been accomplished on the phone/web) in addition to traveling in the winter (which I never did before) and now about to have at least four 2 night trips in September and October to the coldest places they could find ;)
Ugh, I probably sound like such a jerk for just complaining. I really do. But I needed so badly to get it out and just admit it that I'm not happy and that I've made a mistake. I'm not really sure how I'm going to fix it for now, but I will. It will probably take some time and a lot of tears and frustration in the meantime, but somehow I will find a way to fix it. In the meantime, I really need to figure out how to try to focus on the positives (time with my beautiful family and friends, working out - have been doing Zumba 3-5 times a week so proud of that, and doing the others things I really enjoy). I also get to have a week vacation at the beach with my family the week after this upcoming one (can not wait!) so hopefully that will give me more time to reflect and enjoy. For now, I ask your forgiveness as I vent and complain on here and hope to catch up with my blogging buddies soon. This just another part of my journey that isn't so smooth but I know there are better paved roads ahead and am so thankful for all that I do have and the precious days we have together.
10.24.2011
Changes
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain
This is my new favorite quote, probably because it describes exactly how I feel right now. I decided to take the offer with the new company and I'm really excited. Part of me is sad to leave the people at this company behind and I know that I am good at this job, but I'll be doing something similar but with greater opportunities and more senior respect and responsibilities which will be awesome! So I'm sailing away from safe harbor to see where the wind shall take me! :) I have a few more weeks at this job and then off to explore the new company and situation.
I'm so excited about this opportunity and the flexibility and all of the good things that will come with it. I had a really rough day at work on Friday due to lack of help and support in the office and just a million things resting on my shoulders. But luckily having given my notice, I know that this is all going to be gone/different soon enough. I just need to get through the next few weeks and then see what is out there waiting for me! Hope you all are doing well and can't wait to update you soon on my new adventures!
This is my new favorite quote, probably because it describes exactly how I feel right now. I decided to take the offer with the new company and I'm really excited. Part of me is sad to leave the people at this company behind and I know that I am good at this job, but I'll be doing something similar but with greater opportunities and more senior respect and responsibilities which will be awesome! So I'm sailing away from safe harbor to see where the wind shall take me! :) I have a few more weeks at this job and then off to explore the new company and situation.
I'm so excited about this opportunity and the flexibility and all of the good things that will come with it. I had a really rough day at work on Friday due to lack of help and support in the office and just a million things resting on my shoulders. But luckily having given my notice, I know that this is all going to be gone/different soon enough. I just need to get through the next few weeks and then see what is out there waiting for me! Hope you all are doing well and can't wait to update you soon on my new adventures!
10.17.2011
Cheers to the Freakin' Weekend
Yeah, yeah! Ha! We had a wonderful weekend this weekend. Mainly because I got a phone call on Friday afternoon just after I was complaining that I wasn't going to hear anything. And I GOT THE OFFER! I'm so excited!!!
I got the rest of the details on Saturday morning and reviewed everything, and I think it's going to be great. I have asked them to visit the local building and people here briefly (hopefully tomorrow) as one final check, but I think I will likely give my notice on Wednesday. They are being super kind and allowing me some extra time to give notice, and I could technically finish my big weekend event here and start that following Monday with them. It would be tiring but it would be nice to my current company and would allow me to start with them sooner than later. So I'm hoping they write back soon with plans for tomorrow and then I can get this show on the road.
I had a brief moment of panic this weekend because the insurance isn't quite as good as what I have now. But then I remembered what I had now is obscenely good, and this is still really really good and hopefully we can all stay healthier and not have to worry about it quite as much. It's also weird to think that after 6+ years I might be going to work at a different place. But the opportunities at this company are endless and I really think it will be a great move for me!
So excited - I'll let you know how the visit goes. Now does someone want to give my notice here for me? I'm dreading that part a little bit. :)
I got the rest of the details on Saturday morning and reviewed everything, and I think it's going to be great. I have asked them to visit the local building and people here briefly (hopefully tomorrow) as one final check, but I think I will likely give my notice on Wednesday. They are being super kind and allowing me some extra time to give notice, and I could technically finish my big weekend event here and start that following Monday with them. It would be tiring but it would be nice to my current company and would allow me to start with them sooner than later. So I'm hoping they write back soon with plans for tomorrow and then I can get this show on the road.
I had a brief moment of panic this weekend because the insurance isn't quite as good as what I have now. But then I remembered what I had now is obscenely good, and this is still really really good and hopefully we can all stay healthier and not have to worry about it quite as much. It's also weird to think that after 6+ years I might be going to work at a different place. But the opportunities at this company are endless and I really think it will be a great move for me!
So excited - I'll let you know how the visit goes. Now does someone want to give my notice here for me? I'm dreading that part a little bit. :)
10.14.2011
Tick tock
So....I went on Tuesday from my vacation up to the East Coast to interview with a company that I've been interviewing with for a few weeks (had phone interviews, tests(!), etc. and then they invited me in person). The position would be here where I live, but their headquarters are up there and the management is up there as well.
They treated me right - expensive air tickets, car service to/from the airport and business, meals, etc. I clicked really well with the people who would be directly above me and it sounds like a really really great opportunity where I would get to focus on some more senior level duties with support underneath me and from above as well as the opportunity to manage someone else. So now I'm just waiting to hear back...I was hoping to hear something by today but since they are on the East Coast, I'm thinking we are too close to Friday afternoon to really hear anything today. So I will try not to think about it this weekend hope that my week starts off great with a potential offer! :) Or ideally they will call me in the next hour or two instead! Either way, fingers crossed because this might just be the one!
They treated me right - expensive air tickets, car service to/from the airport and business, meals, etc. I clicked really well with the people who would be directly above me and it sounds like a really really great opportunity where I would get to focus on some more senior level duties with support underneath me and from above as well as the opportunity to manage someone else. So now I'm just waiting to hear back...I was hoping to hear something by today but since they are on the East Coast, I'm thinking we are too close to Friday afternoon to really hear anything today. So I will try not to think about it this weekend hope that my week starts off great with a potential offer! :) Or ideally they will call me in the next hour or two instead! Either way, fingers crossed because this might just be the one!
10.04.2011
Should have known better
Glimmer of hope officially out...on to find the next one. Need to find the one that opens the box to the full light! :) One day....
Today
Today I found myself crying (not sobbing at least, just tears coming out occasionally) on an airplane. Yet another week of travel for me. Left this afternoon and then out of town in 2 different cities for work before coming home late Thursday evening. My parents are flying through home on Thursday afternoon to pick up my son and take him to another city south of where we live for a long weekend so I won't even get to see him until my husband and I arrive there on Friday evening after driving after work. I will be home for a few hours to shower, unpack and repack, and then take the dog to the pet hotel first thing Friday morning before a day in the office and then hopefully hit the road by 4 pm for a long weekend with my family until Tuesday. I really need the break. I am going to have to work some but hopefully not too much.
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
And then I'm supposed to get on another plane next Tuesday to fly to a city on the East Coast for interviews. But I haven't gotten any details yet still and it's less than a week away...and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another night away from my family but then I remember that it is worth it if it's better than the situation I'm in now and hence the tears on the airplane today.
I don't know if I was naive or sheltered by my parents or if times are just tougher these days than they normally are, but I guess I never realized how difficult it would be trying to be a working mom in my early 30s and trying to balance wanting a career with wanting time to my family and time for me. The me time is out the window almost entirely (with the exception of a Zumba class I went to with a friend last weekend that benefitted breast cancer awareness and rocked!). And therefore without any time for me, I am not thrilled with how I look either - clothes don't fit as well as I'd like them too, I think I always look tired, my face is always breaking out from stress, and don't even get me started on my endometriosis issues and what happens with that when I'm under stress!
The family time is pretty limited. I work most evenings until at least 6 and by the time I drive home in traffic, I'm lucky to be home between 6:45 and 7. Lately, I've been working until 7 and getting home around 7:30. That's the days when I'm in town and then I have spent many weeks traveling 2-3 nights during the week which is really hard for all of us too. Oh and then the work I usually have to do on the weekends as well.
This morning my son was all grumpy and not wanting to get ready and just not acting himself. And I knew it was because he knew I was leaving and was upset. And that kills me (another reason for the tears on the plane today!). We have been trying to live each moment to the fullest when we are together which has been great - got to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary this weekend and have been trying to do fun things with our son (pumpkin patch!, mini-golf, bowling) each weekend to spend some quality time together.
However, I still feel very stuck. I sort of feel like I'm inside this box and I'm not really sure how to get out. I can't take another position because they don't have as good of benefits or the commute is even farther than the one I have now or it doesn't pay quite as much or some other host of things. I can't stay in the one I'm in now because my boss drives me crazy, they hired the most idiotic person I've ever met to work with our team (not much help at all and a lot more work to "train" her), there is no career path, there is no real chance for raise, I'm traveling like crazy, they put undue stress on me 24-7, etc. I can't adapt to a different field quite yet because I would probably need to get a masters to do that, but I don't have TIME for a masters degree when I am getting killed at work with travel and hours. So every direction I look, the sides of the box are there and it's hard to figure out where to go next.
There is a light at the top of the box still and I focus on that. I know that one day I will figure out a way out and it will be awesome. I have a very tiny glimmer of hope tonight from a phone call I had with a coworker about a possible opportunity within my current company. I don't have a lot of faith that it will work out because they can be so difficult sometimes PLUS I'm sure my boss will try to put the kibosh on it. But I'm going to hold on to that glimmer of hope until it's put out and then I will find the next one.
I just need to shed a few tears and to vent on here to make myself feel a little better and I will continue to keep the hope alive! :) Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you all soon! :) I miss my few commenters!
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