I pretty much abandoned this blog, but I feel the need to write lately so I think I will start it up once again. I'm not much of a journal writer, plus then it can be sitting around where someone can see and this I can keep private if I want to. But I feel like writing my thoughts down at least get them out of my head and onto the screen so I can digest them and hopefully move on. I don't like having things running around in my head 24-7 as it makes me negative and gives me problems sleeping. So here I am typing away to see if I can clear my head again and maybe get to a point where I do this more regularly for my sanity! :)
As 2009 closes tomorrow evening, I look back at what a year it has been. I am so very thankful for the many blessings we have had - two stable jobs, relatively good health, a beautiful and loving child, a nice home and cars, etc. We have been able to patch the relationship with my parents which is nice and seems to be headed in the right direction, and we are getting better about taking more time to focus on my husband and me (although we could still use some improvement in this area). We have been through a lot of hardships this year too and have come through pretty well if I do say so myself.
Both I and Hubby have been through some interesting situations at work this year. Hubby's will hopefully resolve itself now that his father is president and we shall see which direction he will head. There is a chance he may move over to sales which I think he would actually enjoy, but in order to do that, I would definitely have to switch my work because I will not have two traveling parents for our son - that's just not right and not fair! When I think about changing jobs or companies, there is a lot that I would miss about my current job/situation. But there is also a lot of room for improvement so if I was lucky enough to find the right situation, it may help. There are always the conflicts between what I love and what makes money, but I think everyone has that issue and even Hubby has dealt with that and sacrificed his wishes for what is best for our family. I can always do the flower/cake/event thing on the side! :) We shall see what 2010 brings in this area for me. There could be changes at my current job (interested to see what if anything is done with my boss and the "career path" they are supposedly creating) or I may end up finding something great and moving on. It's scary to think about but since I don't have that option yet, I'm trying to stay positive about my current role and try to enjoy life as best as I can. It is hard when I feel like I'm living Groundhog Day and treading water, but something has to give eventually - I just don't know yet what path God has in store for me next. I'm trying to be patient to see as He has provided me a great path for the past few years and for that I'm very thankful.
I ended up having surgery two weeks ago since those pesky cysts wouldn't go away on their own. And I'm going to have to take hormones again despite my desire to do so to keep the endometriosis I now have in check. I don't mind it but it's annoying as I don't enjoy putting that stuff in my body. But I would rather do that than have to have surgery every few years or worry about it destroying my insides. I'm still not sure what I want to do about the second kid thing. Austin I think is wanting to have one, but I'm just not sure. Yes, I love playing with our "nephew" or other babies, but it's nice to hand them back and have my cuddly bug to myself. I can't imagine what it would be like for our son to have to share us and I would never want to do to him what so many parents do to their children once a sibling is in the picture. It's a tough call but we are going to have to figure it out soon. It's yet another wrench in my "what next" picture as it could likely affect my career/work situation as well and the cost of two children in daycare/school is atrocious. We'll see!
Other than that, I guess that's all I need to get out for now. I know that I would never want to be a stay-at-home mom because I've actually been kind of "bored" these last two weeks being home from work. I just know I need some sort of change - something to challenge me, something for me to look forward to - because I'm just getting blah about life and I hate that. I'm not that type of person and don't want to become that type of person ever. So something, somehow, has to change - just need to figure out what that is.
I will stop blathering on for now - off to read what I hope will be a good book!
